Love is not a contextual emotion

..see that’s the thing about love, it doesn't believe in context.1

I’m so tired of falling in love. Correction- I am tired of falling in love and not being caught, or worse, being dropped. 2

He put me down gently, reluctantly. I was kicking and screaming. I will never forget how it felt, how it still feels, to lose something that can never be found again or replaced, and not having any control. How could I describe the indescribable? The feeling of utter nothingness I felt when my heart was separated from the rest of me. I can't.3

I’m so tired of falling in love. The process is long and arduous and tiring, and when you get there, if you get there, sometimes the journey is better than the destination.4

I never reach my destination. I've yet to find love that lasts. I've yet to find stability and security and passion in the same person that is not fleeting. You see, I found my Mr. Wonderful, oh yes. I found him, the person who changed me, but the timing was wrong. So I was caught, I had fallen, but I had to be dropped, and no matter how gently, or reluctantly, it hurts just the same.5

I’m tired of love. I do believe it is over rated. The kind of love on Hallmark cards does exist, I’ve experienced it, however, in that magnitude and abundance, I think not.6

“Love hurts. Love scars. Love wounds almost any heart.” How true. Love is like Santa Claus, it knows when you are sleeping, awake, good or bad, ready or not, and it comes and goes. It does not care about your preparation or situation. In fact, I am convinced you only trip into love by no fault of your own. Love looks at you and says, “you looked kind of happy. Let’s see if I can’t fuck you up”. It does that to me every time.7

I’m tired of people saying its better to have loved than lost, than to never have loved at all. I used to say that too, before I knew how it could end up. When you lose, you don’t forget. Just because the person is gone doesn’t mean the love doesn’t linger, because love is also a bitch and immune to restraining orders.8

I didn’t want to do it again after he set me down. He and I are still in love and even with each other; only we are not on the same continent and not nearly in the same ‘place’. So I was dropped, twice in a row, I was slighted by love and I didn’t want to do it again. So I fought and fought, yet once again, I tripped into him, into love. Now I’m stuck and I cannot get up because he has me held down with his heart, and that is a big deal. I’ve never held someone else’s heart in my hands. I’ve never had that kind of power so completely and it makes me feel worse than being dropped, having to do the dropping. 9

My situation has no impact on the amount of times love trips me. Whatever ‘place’ I’m in, it always finds me because, you see, that’s the thing with love, it doesn’t believe in context.10