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Sometimes i can sit here and just feel SO empty. Everything suffocates me...The way the paint on the walls is so muted (magnolia coated numbness), the way the noises i hear are so distant that they play out like a soap opera in my imagination.2
So i turn on a CD and drown my mind in music. Absorb the lyrics. If its a sad song ill start to cry, long racking sobs stealing my breath away. If its a happy song Ill still cry, because nobody should be allowed to feel happiness when im feeling sad (never said I wasnt selfish/self centred/enter relevant bad habit here). After a while i feel embarrassed, sat alone crying into oblivion, with my wasted emotions floating around, lost, in the air.3
Getting angry with myself now, I furiously wipe the tears from my face. Mumbling at first under my breath with my fists clenched. Little bursts of energy just serving to4
heighten my anger. Finally I'm just sat there talking to myself, and waiting for the men in white coats to stop by and have a lovely little chat with me.5
So i open my Word Pad and attack the keyboard, and invariably, out comes some arty farty cleverly worded rant that just about covers how im feeling, for maybe five seconds. Usually by this time, Im considering the bottle of wine that is chilling6
quite comfortably in the bottom of my fridge, and thinking how lovely it would feel7
sipping said wine and washing away the feelings of 'i just dont know what'8
Two glasses later and the smile will no doubt be gracing my face again. Alcohol induced ??? Well maybe so, but still, theres definitely a hint of a smile there. Then my favourite song comes on MTV, and suddenly before i know it, im dancing like a mad thing in front of the television, singing till my lungs feel like they will burst. Expending this mountain of energy, that i feel is wasted. 9
Pulse racing i know that by this time ill be feeling alive (and no doubt just a wee bit drunk!) But there you have it.... maybe im not perfect....maybe im not everything i could ever be, but im definitely ME.10
Author notes
These thoughts just popped into my head, and they arent a poem so i cant post them on AP, but i just didnt want to forget about them, so i thought id post them on here. Lisa x
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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lol of course they have MTV in england mike you silly thing, MTV is everywhere
Lisa x -
Hmmmm, these thoughts could be straight out of my head...
Well, poem or not, this was a great read as usual...
they have MTV in England?....
much love,
mike porkchops, who now has chilled wine on the mind -
Heyyy this was nice theres alot of feeling here alot of which im quite familiar with..dont know abt "suddenly before i know it, im dancing like a mad thing" tho cause it takes me ages to pick up again, but maybe thats cause id probabaly be listening to something depressing like Happiness by abra Moore or something (Abra Who?!! I hear you ask lol) Anyway i liked this..just writing down how you feel so thank you for sharing and thanx also for your comment on Morrow and i totally agree with you i try to make stuff rhyme way too much some times rather then just writing from the heart or watever..anyway thanx and take care!
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Interesting... very well constructed for just a few jotted down thoughts You should expand this into an autobiographical story, or some such thing; you have a unique 'voice'.
Edited on May 23, 12:14 because ''. -
Your neighbors must think . . . Well who cares what the neighbors think I'd come by on days you were in want of company and listen to those men in white coats explain how you are the most sane person they've met so far. Oh, and maybe we could laugh about how crazy the rest of the world is.
But yeah, the best people always live so far from me, darn it.
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