Blood Lust 1
Marco Strong was given the nickname “The Vampire Butcher” by the police because of how he tortured, and, butchered men and fed, on their blood after raping them. He was the most wanted man alive. Even the bravest men, feared him. Marco believed he was, the descendent of Dracula and that the blood he fed on, bathed and showered in made him the new king of the undead. He met his match and became a real vampire when he was attacked by a vampire who turned him, making him more dangerous and, deadly then ever.
After turning Marco changed his name to Alucard, began wearing all black, let his hair grow longer, and used his vampire powers , looks, and, body to get men . He‘s tall, dark, handsome, and well built. He gets three or four, men each night and was out to hunt this night.
Alucard was in one of the bars he goes to get men when he spotted his first victim. He was tall with short cut dark hair, brown eyes, dressed in a dark shirt and tight fitting jeans. Alucard lusted over his body and the way his firm round ass fit his jeans.2
“Your body fills me with lust. I want it and will have it. Come with me now.” Alucard said3
“You’re crazy as hell; get the fu.. Before the guy could finish, he was placed under Alucard’s mind control. He stood up under his control, then walked away with him out of the bar. Soon the guy was in his bed room.
“What the hell? no, man get off me no.” the guy said as he came out of Alucard’s control. He began fighting Alucard as he ripped his cloths off. Alucard forced him on, his knees and over his bed and forced his cock in him. The guy screamed and tried to stop him as he was being raped. Alucard brutally raped, the guy doggy style. After he was done raping him, Alucard then bit into his neck feeding until he passed out.
The guy awake nude. His head, hands, arms, legs and, feet were all chained separately. The chains had a round device on them where each of his body parts were chained. His right eye hurt and looked like it had been removed and replaced. It was bleeding.
“What the fuck. Let me go. Damn my eye” the guy said touching his eye. He could move but he was trapped. He looked around to see that he was in a room with no doors, just walls and a widow. Alucard was in the widow watching him.
“What do you want? Let me go please. I won’t tell anyone.” the guy begs.
“You have a choose to live or die. I have chained you to devices that will cut a part from your body every few seconds and given you a key that can free you from them. But I have placed it behind your left eye. There’s knife in front of you. Used it to remove your eyes and get the key, and you will be free. If not, you will be tortured until you die.” Alucard said smiling evilly4
The guy got the knife and screamed in pain. As he began to try and cut his eye out blood began to pour from his, eye. As he does he lets out a even louder scream. Time ran out, and one of the devices on his feet cut off a foot.
“Oh God fuck, oh God you sick son of a bitch.” the guy says in pain.
“ Aw fuck.” the guy scream as time ran out and, the leg his foot was cut off from was cut off next. Blood splashed all over the floor and walls. His foot, and leg shook as they hit the floor.
“Just kill me, I can’t take this.” the guy begs crying as he could not cut his eye out.
Time ran out over and over again. Each time it was hell for the guy. His other foot and leg was cut off followed by his hands and arms. His cut off body parts laid around him and shaking. He was still alive but in shock.
“Time to feed.” Alucard said. He then, made the device cut the guys head off. It rolled ,across the floor. He smiled as it did then left the room. He then went beneath the room that he tortured, and butcher the guy in. Alucard, went Into another room that looked like a shower with tub, took his cloths off, and stepped in to the blood filled tub. The guy’s blood poured down on him and he bathed and fed on it. Alucard let out an evil laugh as he did.
Alucard’s next victim, was a jogger. He was tall and bald with blue eyes and a slender body, and wearing black shorts. He landed in front of him. The guy tried to scream, but Alucard took over his mind. Alucard then flew off with him,. Landed in the park, and threw him to the ground. The guy coming out of his mind control, begins to fight him as he rips his cloths off. Alucard uses his vampire, strength to beat him and rips his shorts off revealing a large cock and smooth firm ass. The guy screams as his ass was brutally fucked by Alucard. He scream more, as he begins to bite into his neck and feed. He, feeds on the guy until he passes out.
The guy awakes nude in a tank. His hands are held in openings above his head filled with keys.
“I’m going to give you a chance to save your life. There’s a key that can free you where your hands are. If you, find it, you will be free. If not you will die. If I were you, I would do it fast.” Alucard said.
Then a green liquid pours, out holes above his head and hit the guy’s arm burning him.
“Aw. Oh shit, aw.” the guy says as his hands feel like they were being cut by glass. As he reach for the key and tries to find the right one, more of the, green liquid hits his body. As it pours out of the holes. He scream in pain as it burn his skin. But he continues on, and after cutting his hands badly he gets the key and frees himself. He gets out the room just as more of the liquid, that would burn him alive pours out.
“Help somebody, help me. No, no the guy screams. He thinks he is out side, but was just in another area of Alucard’s house. It is filled with trees and walls of glass that close in on him, cutting him and making walk on a plat form. As he walks, he screams in pain as glass comes up out of it into his feet. He falls and glass rips into his body and face. He sees a door and crawls to it leaving a trail of blood and glass as he reach it. He see people outside walking by and tries screaming for help.5
“Help me please, help me” he yells banging the glass. It was sound proof, and no one could see him because it was made for Alucard’s victims so that can see out and believe they can get help, but no one could see or hear them . He is then dropped into a tank filled with glass that goes through his whole body. Glass was in his face, eyes, neck, chest, arms, and legs. He starts to cough up blood. Alucard smiles and hits a switch, making the green liquid come down on him. It engulfs him, burning his body to nothing. He then prepares to get his next victims.6
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A contest entry
- The Calling of all Fantasy & Dark Writers by Dark Wanderer.
350 points, ended December 26, 2007, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - For all you vampire writers who you have TALENT, LETS SEE IT!!! by Violet Hawthorne.
375 points, ended February 6, 2008, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - VAMIRE LORE! by im....
117 points, ended January 6, 2008, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The VERY BEST of DARK by Immortal Obscurity.
100 points, ended January 14, 2008, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Are You A Big Boy/Girl by Faeinthewood.
225 points, ended March 7, 2008, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Tales from the Darkside by xBitterxSweetx.
175 points, ended March 7, 2008, 36 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Scary Stories/Poems by loyda.
320 points, ended February 26, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Horror Story by ice wolf.
600 points, ended March 8, 2008, 15 entries
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100 points, ended May 22, 2008, 15 entries
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525 points, ended March 13, 2008, 17 entries
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• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This reminded me of Saw but with an awesome twist. The images you build up in the readers mind are incredable. Thanks for entering.
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The stories good, don't get me wrong, but there are a few errors that interrupted the flow of it. Good luck and thanks for entering.
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Wow, I loved it, it was erotic and sick kinda just like the saw movies but it has a much different feel to it. Great Job.
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well, i dont really like erotic vampire stories, and i couldn't help but see the similitude of how he tortures with the series of movies, Saw.
i couldn't really finish the story, it was very very erotic and i'm not into reading such adult things, but thank you for joining my contest. -
Hmm don't really know what say. It was interesting and gruesome; a very fitting combination.
I do have to say, however, that the phrasing is off. I never thought that I would have to say this, but I would suggest that you should go easy on the [,]. Commas are intended to break up the sentence so your next idea can fit more apropriately; or when you pause to allow emphasis on your next idea. Also, there were alot of mispelled words and, perhaps this is a bit picky, but I would suggest on using alot more variety in your syntax. (Sentence structures) This is what makes the reading more enjoyable.
Aside from all this, you had some pretty good imagery and, I like the 'Saw' combined with a vampire. Very creative. Good Job and Thanks for entering! -
Hey VL, i have to say, it's not the best story, but it kept me interested enough.
It was a good read, although, very unrealistic.
I think if you have your body being ripped apart one by one would make you scream a bit more, dont'cha think?
use more detailed paragrapsh and then this would be perfect.
Overall, not perfect, but not bad enough to stop reading.
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I do have to say, it started off very erotic, then turned into a gorefest... The best of both worlds, I guess!
I didn't see anything wrong, except for the odd grammar mistake, though minor. Well done, and good luck to you
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Thanks Immortal Obscurity, this took sometime to revison and I'm wroking on revison Blood Lust 2 and 3. Although I made 2 already it was not what wanted and filled with way too many grammer mistakes.
It's posted with the rest of my stories but after reading it you will see what I mean and how it's diffrent from the revison one that I;m wroking on.
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this was really good, sweet job!
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Thanks.
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Thank you for entering, well, you got me hooked. Kind of a twist between saw and pure asdism. I love it, had me hooked and I was clinging to every word!!
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Thanks bloodkissed, it took me awild to get this story just right. But I see it's all what I wanted. I'm going back and redoing/ revisonning Blood Lust 2 and will make more when I'm done I will post them.
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Thanks for entering the contest
Hi, first allow me to thank you for entering the contest.
The story seems to have an interesting plot, and could be very engaging, but what throws the reader off is the number of grammatical and spelling errors. Also, the commas are in all the wrong places. I hope that you would go back and re-edit this piece, because I seriously think it is promising.
Important: please take out the A/N at the beginning, cause firstly, there are too many errors in them (makes your work look unprofessional, you could say), and also because the reader doesn't really need to know those things.
Cheers, and good luck for the contest. -
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Prabbunath
I have went back and fix the grammatical and spelling to my Blood Lust Story and here it is.
Blood Lust
Marco Strong was given the nickname “The Vampire Butcher” by the police because of how he tortured, and, butchered men and fed, on their blood after raping them. He was the most wanted man alive. Even the bravest men, feared him. Marco believed he was, the descendent of Dracula and that the blood he fed on, bathed and showered in made him the new king of the undead. He met his match and became a real vampire when he was attacked by a vampire who turned him, making him more dangerous and, deadly then ever.
After turning Marco changed his name to Alucard, began wearing all black, let his hair grow longer, and used his vampire powers , looks, and, body to get men . He‘s tall, dark, handsome, and well built. He gets three or four, men each night and was out to hunt this night.
Alucard was in one of the bars he goes to get men when he spotted his first victim. He was tall with short cut dark hair, brown eyes, dressed in a dark shirt and tight fitting jeans. Alucard lusted over his body and the way his firm round ass fit his jeans.
“Your body fills me with lust. I want it and will have it. Come with me now.” Alucard said
“You’re crazy as hell; get the fu.. Before the guy could finish, he was placed under Alucard’s mind control. He stood up under his control, then walked away with him out of the bar. Soon the guy was in his bed room.
“What the hell? no, man get off me no.” the guy said as he came out of Alucard’s control. He began fighting Alucard as ripped his cloths off. Alucard forced him on, his knees and over his bed and forced his cock in him. The guy screamed and tried to stop him as he was being raped. Alucard brutally raped, the guy doggy style. After he was done raping him, Alucard then bit into his neck feeding until he passed out.
The guy awake nude. His head, hands, arms, legs and, feet were all chained separately. The chains had a round device on them where each of his body parts were chained. His right eye hurt and looked like it had been removed and replaced. It was bleeding.
“What the fuck. Let me go. Damn my eye” the guy said touching his eye. He could move but he was trapped. He looked around to see that he was in a room with no doors, just walls and a widow. Alucard was in the widow watching him.
“What do you want? Let me go please. I won’t tell anyone.” the guy begs.
“You have a choose to live or die. I have chained you to devices that will cut a part from your body every few seconds and given you a key that can free you from them. But I have placed it behind your left eye. There’s knife in front of you. Used it to remove your eyes and get the key, and you will be free. If not, you will be tortured until you die.” Alucard said smiling evilly
The guy got the knife and screamed in pain. As he began to try and cut his eye out blood began to pour from his, eye. As he does he lets out a even louder scream. Time ran out, and one of the devices on his feet cut off a foot.
“Oh God fuck, oh God you sick son of a bitch.” the guy says in pain.
“ Aw fuck.” the guy scream as time ran out and, the leg his foot was cut off from was cut off next. Blood splashed all over the floor and walls. His foot, and leg shook as they hit the floor.
“Just kill me, I can’t take this.” the guy begs crying as he could not cut his eye out.
Time ran out over and over again. Each time it was hell for the guy. His other foot and leg was cut off followed by his hands and arms. His cut off body parts laid around him and shaking. He was still alive but in shock.
“Time to feed.” Alucard said. He then, made the device cut the guys head off. It rolled ,across the floor. He smiled as it did then left the room. He then went beneath the room that he tortured, and butcher the guy in. Alucard, went Into another room that looked like a shower with tub, took his cloths off, and stepped in to the blood filled tub. The guy’s blood poured down on him and he bathed and fed on it. Alucard let out an evil laugh as he did.
Alucard’s next victim, was a jogger. He was tall and bald with blue eyes and a slender body, and wearing black shorts. He landed in front of him. The guy tried to scream, but Alucard took over his mind. Alucard then flew off with him,. Landed in the park, and threw him to the ground. The guy coming out of his mind control, begins to fight him as he rips his cloths off. Alucard uses his vampire, strength to beat him and rips his shorts off revealing a large cock and smooth firm ass. The guy screams as his ass was brutally fucked by Alucard. He scream more, as he begins to bite into his neck and feed. He, feeds on the guy until he passes out.
The guy awakes nude in a tank. His hands are held in openings above his head filled with keys.
“I’m going to give you a chance to save your life. There’s a key that can free you where your hands are. If you, find it, you will be free. If not you will die. If I were you, I would do it fast.” Alucard said.
Then a green liquid pours, out holes above his head and hit the guy’s arm burning him.
“Aw. Oh shit, aw.” the guy says as his hands feel like they were being cut by glass. As he reach for the key and tries to find the right one, more of the, green liquid hits his body. As it pours out of the holes. He scream in pain as it burn his skin. But he continues on, and after cutting his hands badly he gets the key and frees himself. He gets out the room just as more of the liquid, that would burn him alive pours out.
“Help somebody, help me. No, no the guy screams. He thinks he is out side, but was just in another area of Alucard’s house. It is filled with trees and walls of glass that close in on him, cutting him and making walk on a plat form. As he walks, he screams in pain as glass comes up out of it into his feet. He falls and glass rips into his body and face. He sees a door and crawls to it leaving a trail of blood and glass as he reach it. He see people outside walking by and tries screaming for help.
“Help me please, help me” he yells banging the glass. It was sound proof, and no one could see him because it was made for Alucard’s victims so that can see out and believe they can get help, but no one could see or hear them . He is then dropped into a tank filled with glass that goes through his whole body. Glass was in his face, eyes, neck, chest, arms, and legs. He starts to cough up blood. Alucard smiles and hits a switch, making the green liquid come down on him. It engulfs him, burning his body to nothing. He then prepares to get his next victims.
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