1
"It's so good to be home for the holidays!" expressed Eva. Eva had her mother's dark blue eyes, but unlike her mother who had dark hair, she had natural blonde hair. Her ten year old brother had his father's brown hair and eyes. It was 10 pm and they planned to open one present each, as was their tradition on Christmas Eve when it became midnight. 2
"How is my college girl enjoying school?" asked her father.3
"Oh Dad, you know I love it. I aced all my finals. I'll be glad when I'm not required to stay in the freshman dorms."4
"You just have one more semester as a freshman," said her mother unnecessarily.5
"I know, but I look forward to living off campus."6
"It's hard to believe you've grown up already," her mother said fondly.7
"Oh Mom, you still treat me like a child," said Eva with mock annoyance.8
"Not only that, but she's grown into a beautiful woman," said her father with pride.9
"Why can't we open our presents now?" asked her brother impatiently.10
"You know that we always open one present each at midnight, and then the others Christmas morning. You never know what Santa will bring," insisted his mother.11
"Oh Mom," he said.12
"You heard your mother. Would you rather go to bed and not open any until morning?" chided his father.13
"I'm sorry, Dad."14
They were gathered around the television in the living room and the news was on. It was funny that with a war going on in Iraq and Afghanistan that there was often no mention of it in the news. Was it that people dying in large numbers in those countries didn't matter, or was it that it was being played down intentionally by the media? There were nearly half a million Iraqi dead. Quite tragic, yet this figure was never mentioned on regular media. Rarely was the count of American military losses quoted. Also, unmentioned were the deaths of allied military and civilian personnel. It was as though the American public was being kept in the dark about the realities of the war. Death in war is common place. Who cares? His father could help wondering about that and whether the war would still be going when Bobby was old enough to fight. What if the draft were reinstated?15
The door bell rang. "I wonder who that could be?" said their mother. Eva jumped up and went to the door. Standing at the door as she opened it was a man of average height dressed as Santa, complete with a bag over his shoulder. He had a white beard and mustache, just as any self respecting Santa would. He was wearing white gloves.16
"Hi," said Eva puzzled and surprised.17
"Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!" he said.18
"What can I do for you?" Eva asked.19
"I've come bearing gifts," said Santa.20
"Are you sure you have the right place?" she asked. 21
"This is 1015 Westbrook isn't it?"22
"Umm, yes it is."23
"Well then, I have the right place."24
"Dad," she yelled. "Are you expecting Santa Claus?" Her father came to the door.25
"What's going on?" he asked of Santa.26
"I've been paid to bring you a bag load of Christmas gifts."27
"Who paid you?" 28
"Well I get paid by a company called Santa's Helpers, but I don't know who paid them."29
Eva's father was silent for a couple of minutes.30
"Well, do you want the gifts or not?" asked the man in red in a bit of a huff.31
"I guess you can come on in."32
The man dressed as Santa walked into the living room and Eva followed with her father after he had locked the door.33
"Everybody, have a seat," said Santa. Eva and her father sat down. Eva and Bobby were seated on the sofa. Their mother and father sat in matching armchairs. 34
Standing close to their mother, the man rummaged in his bag. He pulled out a pistol and pointed it at Eva. "You will note that this gun has a silencer. It makes hardly any noise. If anyone moves before I say to, I'll kill the girl here, then the boy."35
"Son of a bitch!" growled their father in shock and anger. "What the hell do you want?"36
"Why, everything I can get, of course."37
"Don't hurt us! We'll do whatever you want," said their mother.38
"Of course you will. You, sir, lay down on the floor on your stomach. Boy, you do the same."39
The man got some plastic ties and bound father and son's wrists behind them. "Now you," he said to Eva. He tied her hands behind her.40
He produced a pen and notebook from his bag and handed it to the mother. "Here's the deal. I want all your credit cards, debit cards, and cash. You'll write your social security numbers and pin numbers down for me. When I leave, I'll take the girl with me. If the credit and debit cards work, I'll turn your daughter lose unharmed. If you give me faulty information or report the cards stolen. I'll kill her."41
"Please don't hurt our daughter!" said her mother.42
"Where is your safe?"43
"Behind the books on the third shelf of the bookcase." said her mother.44
"Write down the combination."45
The mother finished writing down all the information.46
"Where's your largest bedroom?" It was a mansion and there were several good sized bathrooms, but the one to the master bedroom was the biggest.47
"Upstairs." she said.48
He tied her hands behind her and said, "We're all going up to that bathroom. Mister, you lead the way."49
When they got up to the bathroom, he said. "Girl, you sit on the toilet. Mom, you and your son face down on the floor. Dad, you on your belly in the tub."50
The man in red bound mother, father, and son's ankles with plastic ties and then tied feet and hands together. "Don't try to get loose for two hours." He took the father's wrist watch off and put it where he could see it in the tub.51
"What's your name, girl?"52
"Eva," she answered fearfully.53
"You come with me," and as they left the bathroom he shut the door.54
"Show me your bedroom," he said once they were out of earshot of the others.55
Obediently, Eva led him to her bedroom. It was furnished with a dresser, desk, chest, wardrobe and canopy bed, which all had a white veneer. There was a computer on her desk. The curtains and bedspread were pink, the perfect rich girl's bedroom. There were posters of various celebrities on the walls. He laid the gun on the dresser and took a folding knife out of his pocket and cut the tie, which held her hands. "You be good now, or I'll kill your family."56
"Please don't hurt them!" she pleaded.57
"Then do exactly as I say."58
Eva was wearing a Christmas knit sweater and he pulled it up, over her head, and off. She had a blue silk blouse on under that which he unbuttoned and let fall to the floor. Her white bra he unfastened and tossed aside. He set her on her bed. Untying her tennis shoes, he removed them and her socks. Peeling her faded blue jeans like a banana, he slipped them down her soft, sensual, supple legs. Placing his hands inside her panties, he slid them off her. Her firm young breasts just under medium in size, were delightful to him. He squeezed them hard and pinched her small nipples. "Give me a blowjob," he told her. She obliged him. He erupted in her mouth and she swallowed fearing what he might do if she didn't.59
He performed cunnilingus, on Eva enjoying her flavor as he manipulated her clitoris and G-spot. He worked his way up and then roughly massaged and kissed her breasts. Moving to her mouth while he continued caressing her tits, he began suffocating her with deep kisses. "Guide me in." he told her.60
Penetrating Eva, he began thrusting hard and slow, going as deeply inside her as he could. Although she was frightened and repulsed, she put as much of herself into the coitus as she could in the vain hope that it would save her family. He blasted inside her. Getting up, he said "Girl, you were damn good. It's a fuckin' same to waste you." As he said that, he took the automatic off the dresser and fired two shots into the right side of her left breast. She didn't have a chance to scream.61
He dressed and emptied the safe of cash, bonds, and jewelry. Returning to the bathroom and he executed the rest of the family. He gathered the credit and debit cards. Taking the sack he'd brought with him, he took the keys to their new Mercedes and drove off. He drove to the chop shop where his own car was waiting. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" he muttered to himself as he drove out of the city to celebrate Christmas with his wife and kids.62
A contest entry
- Killer...Santa... by jtnbuck.
175 points, ended January 30, 2008, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Whoa! Santa's been bad this year...=P
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You found one of my cruelest stories.
This was written for a contest that wanted a very bad Santa. I did my best to fill the bill. I won second in the contest.
Here's a shorty, a little nicer story about Santa:
http://storywrite.com/story/132137
Andy
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lol.. well u know till now the stories i read, i like ur unique style of suprise.. you always choose topics that we all know but you show it with a big twist.
this story is straight fast forward.. everything was in right proportion.. you charecter description your plot even that rape scene..beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 4.
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oh my god.. santa is evil
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Thanks
Thanks for reading, the brief comment, and all the applause. Yes, this Santa was about as evil as they get. I hope you like the story. Nothing really good about this Santa.
Andy -
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lol.. well u know till now the stories i read, i like ur unique style of suprise.. you always choose topics that we all know but you show it with a big twist.
this story is straight fast forward.. everything was in right proportion.. you charecter description your plot even that rape scene..
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Do you always have to let the bad guy win in your stories? Well, you have a talent for writing and the plots, but if I was writing the stories, I would make sure that the good guy won, even if it meant making something incredible happen.
Keep up the great work either way, though. I look forward to many more of your stories and maybe one like this where the bad guy dies or something.
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Thanks
Yeah, I write a lot of stories where the bad guy wins. I do have a few exceptions. In fact, I've written so many stories like that, that I am trying to change my style and write some other types of stories. I'll find a story where the good guy wins and send you the link.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
Andy
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The dialogue in paragraph 11 makes the narrative paragraph concerning the Christmas Eve tradition (the first paragraph) useless...
"'Where's your largest bedroom?' It was a mansion and there were several good sized bathrooms, but the one to the master bedroom was the biggest.47"-What do bathorooms have to do with his question?
Well, unlike a few commenters-and yourself, it seems-I thought this story was pretty good (but that's coming from someone who says 'The Shining' is a Christmas movie). Much of the paragraph concerning the father's thoughts of the media attention of the wars was just drudgery. Much of the sex scene was useless.
You know, there was a Russian serial killer who would kill families in almost an exact fashion as your killer, without a Santa suit, though. But he used a rifle...
I particularly liked the way your killer got down to business. There wasn't any of that "build up" bullshit. Your story seemed realistic to me because of that.
On something completly useless to your story: This reminded me of a Christmas themed episode of 'Tales From the Crypt' in which a lunatic escapes an asylum and tries to kill a wife who has just murdered her husband. You know that one? It was more funny than "scary." You brought a little 'child hood euphoria' back to me...
...Perhaps a toned down revision to the sex scene would help this out a lot. Otherwise, it takes away from the rest of the story. There's not really a use for it. There's motive for the murders, but nothing would say 'he's a rapist too.' Maybe I'm just being picky, but maybe it's worth a thought, too...
Nonetheless, I enjoyed this, no matter how sick or shocking it may be in places.
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Thanks
It should be "Where's the largest bathroom?" I'll have to correct that. I'll also change the narrative at the beginning. I'm rethinking the whole story. I'm glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading, commenting, the suggestions, and the applause. I appreciate it.
Andy
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Honestly I'm mystified by this piece. There's absolutely no flow from one scene to the next. The transitions are lacking in this piece.
While I understand the theme behind the contest, I think the ending scene was unnecessary. Also, there's really no resolution to the story after the last paragraph. What does he get out of this? Gratification? Is it revenge? There's no empathy for a character like this - I understand that - but as a reader I'd at least like to know a motive behind his actions.
It's crude, yes; it's very tactless, yes; but in the end, I found not real justification for any of that, and I think there needs to be for this not to come off as smut. -
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Thanks
Thanks for readng and commenting. I appreciate it. This not a very good story. The only purpose was to compete in the contest and it is probably over done. I thought about making it a contract killing, but decided to leave it as a home invasion. I would consider this story smut. It definitely does need improvement.
Andy
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i didn't expect the killing at the end but apart from that it had a really well thought out plot. so i'm not quite into the who *woohoo* thing but still i enjoyed it.
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Thanks
Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad you felt it had a well thought out plot. I feel I overdid it. It probably needs a rewrite. I was trying for shock value, but it think it is too offensive.
Andy
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very good i loved this it was very well writtin good luck in my contest great job again
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm very pleased that you love this story. I hope this Santa story is what you had in mind. I also hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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This is so disgusting and pervertish! What are you, a creep? Why would you write something like this?
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Thanks
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I wrote this to win a contest. I hope that it does. Sorry you were offended, but I do appreciate you stopping by.
Andy
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Oh! It's very well written and I have a suspicion that something like this has really happened.
A compelling read, shocking in it's direct rawness.
Well done!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks again Diddi
This story is rather cruel and crude. It was written for a contest and intended to be that way. Although I like winning contests, this story is rather in poor taste for the season, probably. Something similar to this probably has happened, but this wasn't based on any actual instance. Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I'm glad you felt this was well done.
Andy
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