The hibiscus bush
Blooms spots of brilliant red
Another leaf falls1
Water trickles down
The forest is crying out
Wind has whipped it bare2
A gull snares a fish
White wings, black water, a scream
White wings, red water. 3
Skies are grey today
The storm barges its way through
Tomorrow, sunshine.4
Winter frozen clouds
Broken by golden sunlight
Glittering on snow5
6
A contest entry
- The Poet's Challenge -- Round III by Asfand.
100 points, ended January 11, 2008, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Well, I agree with Asfand a bit about the fourt stanza, but otherwise, I love this. It's so much like the original Japanese haikus, and that gives you bonus points!
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Poet
I wish I could express myself in poetry like you can.
I mean, I write poems, but only when I'm "in the mood" to write them.
You write poetry as easily as most write prose -- and as expressively.
I have to ask, though... are these about what they seem to be on the surface or are they each just really in-depth analogies?beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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usually dont like stuff like this, BUT
this was good. good imagery. i love the last stanza.
favorite line: Broken by golden sunlight
don't know why, but i love this line.
goodjob.
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Nicely done!
Some absolutely gorgeous pictures here. The third one is simply wonderous, it;s got a flair of traditional culture, a spice of nature and dash of a fleeting, uncatched image. nicely done!
The first one and the second one have some excellent phrases. Hibiscus is a great touch there.
I hated the fourth one. Just wasnt that original.
The fifth one has a wonderous image, which could have been explained better, but man, this is one gooooood jobbbb! -
Haikus made by you
While seemingly forced out
still are understood
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