Cane listened to the lamentations of the angels, their song's resonance echoing throughout the multitude of celestial bodies. Theirs was a choir without voices, their song devoid of words, and the ability to fathom it's meaning...like a melody vent forth from the pipes of an organ, but tangled...in spectral discord. He winced, feeling the shriek of their agnst...their agony was his. and he strummed one last fret on his guitar before sliding it back into it's case. Looking up at the people on the bridge above him, the few who had gathered to listen to him play, and the others that hurried onto their lives.
' No time to stop and prick their fingers on the rose's thorn.' he thought to himself.
' Cliche.'
For a still moment he wondered if they too could hear the angels weeping...their sorrowful dirge. But then he knew it troubled only his mind. It was his burden...and only his.
He stood, strapping the case across his back.
Another angel had fallen...it was his time to retrive her.1
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In her nirvana, the waking sea surged resentlessly against a cliff of obsidan rock...it's color to intense to be blue. Here, as potrayed in many a baby's book, the sun and moon were one: an abnormal eclipse...each celestial body had their own sky, split by a lavender nexus...the cataclysmic joining of both ends of infinity. On one side, clouds graced with the pink of predawn sailed across the electric blue empyrean, and on the other, a myriad of stars scaled the aeons in eventide, changing sapphire blue into perpetual black. It was here, on her island, that she wished to be.
Their evensong called to her...but she would not listen...she would not come. Something rustled in the foliage, and she cocked her head, perplexed. A man, one of angelic legend, approached her, and the heart she never possesed skipped a beat.
"Cane?" she asked softly.
What was he doing here? She had not invited him to her arcadia...
She shifted from her spot in pasture to make him room. He sat, uncovering a small bundle in his hands. It was a fruit.
"I brought you breakfast." he said bluntly, feigning a smile, strawberry blonde hair falling indignaitly over his flame blue eyes.
"You have come to take me away." she whispered, a stray tear rolling down her cheek.
"Yes," he said.
"You have fallen."
She caught a sob in her throat.
"I didn't know..."
He pressed a finger to her lips, softly shushing her, running his hand gently across her onyx-black wings...across the bleeding flesh of her back.
"Your wings are molting." he sighed.
"Does it pain you?"
"Should it?" she asked, flinching at his touch. How could he be so gentle, when he was to soon take away all that she loved?
She would be spirited away from her island...back to the Hell called Earth.
He watched how she gazed into nothingness...and felt her sorrow heavy his own heart.
"When we get to Earth," he said.
"It will take a while for you to fully become human."
She turned to him.
"How I will hate that." she whispered, redundant to let the tears go...to free them from the halcyon green of her eyes.
"Yes," he murmered.
"But soon, you will be a new being, and I shall be your caretaker. I must, for there are those who prey on fallen angels...they feed on your essence...and devour your soul, and you shall become one of them. A wraith. Not fallen, but dark."
She shuddered, and he took her hand.
"I will not let that become of you. Eat the fruit. It is from the Tree of Life."
But she knew he lied. It was from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. He wished to turn her back...to strip her of her immortality, and force her back into the human world. He hid the brutality with his gentle words...
Lo and behold the caress of man!
"Are you ready?" he asked, and she was torn from her faint dreamscape.
"I don't think I'll ever be."
She trained her eyes on the abnormal eclipse, and the rift of fire and ice...dust and ash that surged from it's collision. She bit into the fruit, letting the sweet ambrosia dribble down her chin. And suddenly...a fiery conciousness overwhelmed her. The bitten fruit rolled from her hand, and she collapsed, convulsing.
"CANE!" she screamed. "YOU ARE THE SERPENT, WHOSE TRICKERY BANISHED EVE FROM THE REALM SHE LOVED!"
He strummed his fingers across the soft contours of her virginity, like he would a guitar.
"Shh..." he said softly.
"Do not fight it. I'm just...like...you."
The last thing she saw of her nirvana were his flame blue eyes gazing down upon her...and they were the first she saw of the human world.
I know it's sort of strange, but I mean't it that way.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Wow, this is great. I love the imeagry, and the way the whole thing just flowed. It's such an original idea.
It's beautiful, it gave me chills.
My only suggestion would be to seperate the paragraphs better, so it's easier to read.

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Excellent!
Your descriptions are fantastic! The ability to describe such an otherworldly scene. I especially like the singing and choir of the angels, very good. And of course I love anything with Angels.
The only problem I see is how you create a separate paragraph for when each person speaks. Though, maybe you wanted stress on their words. Either way, this piece is excellent

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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good god
'the cataclysmic joining of both ends of infinity' this is one of the most artistic pieces i've ever read, not only on this site, but anywhere. your choice of words makes the writing melt together like a box of the most vibrant crayons sitting out in the sun all afternoon. the place you described sounds like such an awesome place that i wish there was a movie full of cgi effects about this story, just so i could view it with my own eyes. the sentence structures were stretched at times, but the clever word play definitly made up for it. spectacular. btw, the background made it a little difficult to read, but not impossible. it could be a turn-off to potential first-glance readers.
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The language is so powerful, this is increadible. Very, very dramatic, no problems with the story or typing errors I could find but there were some layout ones.
When charectures are speaking to each other each time the a different one speaks it starts a new paragraph, this needs correcting in a few places.
The writing isn't very clear, partly because it is purple on a dark purple background but mostly because it overlapse with the Every tear that falls marks another forgoten voice writing and images.
Don't pay to much attention to the critical parts your story is very good.

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Strange but good, and it being so strange is what makes it so good. It hooked me and made me interested into what exactly this idea is. I really liked this segment and just wanted to say awesome job!
1 - 5 of 5




