Jeffrey was only vaguely aware of the way his sneakers were filling with stagnant water. He barely noticed how the wild raspberry bushes lining the drainage ditch he was hiding in snagged at his jeans and scratched his bare arms. After the headlights passed overhead and the rumble of the lone pickup truck was a distant memory, the scrawny teenager pulled himself back up to the narrow strip of cracked and pitted asphalt that passed for a road this deep in the Pine Barrens of New Jersey.1
[Okay, those are the first three lines for the First Lines contest. I kinda couldn't stop writing once I started, so here's a bit more.]2
A stiff breeze hissed across a field of tall, dried weeds. The bright harvest moon made it look like an ocean of silver waves. In the middle of that ocean was an island of shadows in the shape of an abandoned two-story house. The goosebumps Jeffery felt rising under his soaked clothes wasn't just because of the chill of the night. It wasn't the cool breeze that made him shiver. 3
It was the house where his best friend had died.
A contest entry
- First Lines by one last time....
145 points, ended December 24, 2007, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 10 sentances or less ; anything by Melli.
170 points, ended February 15, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Brilliant start.
So much imagery -yet so simple.
I really loved how and where you took it and intrugied that since the contest is well and truley over how you used this and how your story went.???
Blake ♣
-
Oh-my-god. Amazing, i truly loved it. Great choice of words, and it flowed perfectly. Description was great =) I loved the whole thing. Great finish =D amazing job and good luck in my contest =D
KEEP WRITING!
-Melli<33 -
wow.
other then the fact that those 3 lines were amazing...the next part you wrote was even better.
great job.
-
Wonderful start, full of imagery, very descriptive and leaves me and other readers wondering what the heck happens next!
-
oh wow!this is really good!i really loved the imagery you used. it made me feel like i was right in the middle of the story. the story also pulls you in, so that, at the end, it left me wondering what on earth had happened to his friend.this is a great story overall. nice write!:]
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
