Heart & Soul - Prologue-

~Prologue~ 1

C allie stood in the rain, staring down the road. Had that really happened to her? Did she really just lose her family? Were they really gone? Her mouth went dry...really dry. She circled around on her front lawn for a few seconds, unsure of where to go...what to do. Then she screamed, falling to the ground and pounding on the wet grass, as the horrible sound tore from her gut and making her throat raw...until there was no sound. It wasn't fair! Her own tears mingled with the teardrops falling from the heavens.
She rocked backward until her bottom hit the grass, then pulled her knees to her chest, and sobbed whole heartedly. She rested her head against her legs, she couldn't look at them...they were lying in the grass...sprawled there, lifelessly. She just couldn't look at them...but she wanted to hold them, she had to feel them close to her one more time.
Trying hard to stop crying, she crawled toward Nate, her husband of six years...and now he was gone. She sprawled out next to him in the wet grass, and rested her head against his chest, the way she would when they went to bed at night. The way she was supposed to do tonight. The tears came again, faster this time and fiery hot compared to the cold rain that pounded her body.
Swallowing the urge to let out another horrible scream, she kissed his cheek, and then gazed at him. Her heart had been ripped apart; she couldn't help being amazed that she was able to still feel anything. The joyous gleam in his green eyes that she had grown to love so much was gone, now they were dull and glazed over by the icy blanket of death. Callie reached out, and closed his eyes. She stayed that way for a moment, with the tips of her fingers resting against the eyes that she would never look into again, the eyes that had always brought her comfort and safety. She still had one more to see...one more to hold onto...one more to feel against her for the last time.
Silently, she prayed for strength, and was answered by a loud clap of thunder. She turned, slowly...a few feet away...her son. He lay still too...this was so unfair! He was four...would have been five in just a few short months. She crawled to him now, her baby boy.
"My little man." She murmured, and nearly choked on the words. Despite what she knew about moving the bodies, she had to hold him, she gathered him in her arms to cradle him against her, and instead gasped in shock and surprise. He was breathing!

Author notes

Amanda (Display name on SW--LittleMama

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • AbundantBetrayals
    August 15

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    Well Done

    I like the begininng very mysterious makes me want to read more. The C in Callie is spaced from the rest of the name in the first paragraph..first word actually. The (...)are okay in some spots but I do think you use them a little too much. You can end some of those thoughts or just use comas and colons instead. Otherwise wonderful write and I hope to read more from this story soon

  • Marta gold member
    August 15

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    This certainly was hardbreaking. There's not much of a lead in and i don't know what happened to cause the husband and child to die more information would be good but, at least you have the emotion spot on.

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • samie7
    August 15
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    this was really good i didnt expect her son to be breathing. nice job i'd LOVE to read the next part to this


  • JJBanReo gold member
    July 28

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    Good uplifting story. Probably needs a better mix of dialogue with more action. Because it's a prologue you'll need to capture the reader like velcro and don't let go.
    JJ

    beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 3.


  • GrimDeath
    July 27

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    Great job, its a strong beginning and has strong details. Its very interesting and I would love to read more of this story. This part left you hanging and waiting to find out what really happened and where it ends up at. Great job and good luck in the contest.


  • CantYouHearTheDrums
    July 24
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    I'm sorry, this doesn't fit the word limit.


  • u.wish.u.were.emmet
    July 16

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    Really good story=] It was suspensful in a way, and if u want to make a new story it doesn't really matter this one's pretty suspensful! Nice write and thx 4 entering


  • Lies4Truth
    July 16

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    Really good short piece i like how in the end callie found her son to be alive that in itself left some hope good job and good luck in my contest

  • kahughes
    September 8, 2008
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    is this courtney? howie's daughter?


  • theDARK1
    February 7, 2008

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    i was glad to learn that her baby boy did survive. nothing is more heartbreaking than losing a child. not to see them grow up and become an adult. good luck in the contest, DARK.


  • Zach...thats me
    February 7, 2008

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    This is a great story i love it and the color too. It made me happy neat the ending good luck in the contest


  • happy go lucky13
    January 27, 2008
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    ok, good, it made me smile at the end


  • always feel pretty
    January 18, 2008
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    I love this. Awesome job.


    So much emotion. So perfect.

    erica♥xoxo

  • HoneyAngel
    January 15, 2008

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    Wow, I am nearly in tears from the emotion running through the words of this piece.

    Well written and quite enjoyable. You made me feel the characters pain and make me want to comfort her myself.


  • xXderekXx
    January 15, 2008
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    i love it!
    very heart warming keep writing!


  • Moments of despair
    January 15, 2008

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    Wonderful

    what a great start to a wonderful story, i am so interested. I want to read more. Good luck in all the comps.


  • stardust3492
    January 15, 2008

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    Great job writing a sad story. I could feel the emotion you were trying to portray. Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • Dark Wanderer
    December 29, 2007

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    A nice start

    Hi, this is a very good start to what I think would be a good story. The prologue here is very well-written, with almost no errors (the only one I could spot was in the last paragraph, 'choked on the wrods'. I think you know the error, don't you?)

    I liked the way you described how Callie felt when she first saw her family sprawled on the floor, and how she didn't know what to do. It felt very real, and almost gave me the chills. Congratulations for that!!

    I wonder what Callie would do, to avenge, or not. And if she does, how? Very nicely written.

    Cheers, keep writing well.

  • BlueeyesJen
    December 28, 2007
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    I think your website is coo

  • BlueeyesJen
    December 28, 2007
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    hi glad to meet you on story.co

1 - 20 of 20