A million tears cannot add up
to how much I miss you
you moved away and left me behind
I still love you1
do you still love me?
thats the only answer I want to know
what happened to those good old days
when we laughed and played2
doing things our own way
your old jokes used to make me laugh
but now hearing those jokes make me cry
I wish you didn't move away3
I wish you could of kissed me one last time
but as our lives go on
I'll never forget you
maybe our paths will cross again someday4
but as our lives move forward
we fall for another
you forget me I forget you
neither of us will ever say good-bye
please comment
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Deep. I will say that
I liked it a lot. As I say in most poems, it flowed But I only say it flows when it does flow.
Any way,
I thank you for entering
Good luck!! -
very good
reminds me of my best friend who past away a couple years ago
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Awww such a sad poem that holds so much meaning to it. You have written it with such emotion that it really does speak out.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Aww tis is cute
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Very good. It is, however, a poem. A poem should be taken to sharepoetry.com which is the website for poetry connected to storywrite.
It's a good poem, with emotion. If you add a coupe comma's, it might make it even more powerful. Its good though.
One suggestion:
"I still love you do you still love me"
It sounds a bit rushed. You should try breaking it up into two lines and adding a question mark. Something like.
I still love you
Do you still love me?
Otherwise, it was good.
-Colin
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that was sad
i really enjoyed reading that. Your good at writting poems.
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