Out of the Mud

Out of the mud two strangers came, and caught me splitting wood in the yard. It was all I could do to keep from giggling when I saw out of the corner of my eye the visitors trying to act dignified with grayish-brown sludge dripping from their leathery wings and what must have once been sparkling white robes. Partly to keep from laughing, but also because I knew it would annoy them, I ignored the strangers and kept at my chore until they were so close I could smell the rich, earthy scent of the muck coating them from head to toe.1

I had forgotten how strong they could be and was surprised when the closest one caught my ax handle in mid-swing. "Insolent girl! Do you not know who we are?"2

I let go of the handle, hiked up my britches, and looked him square in the eye. "Right now, you look like someone who needs a bath."3

The back of his hand smacked into the side of my face before I could have even thought of reacting. It would have been a death blow to a mortal. Fortunately, I was only half mortal. I had been flung halfway across the clearing. My ribs ached from the landing and my ears were ringing, but I was still alive.4

The door to our cabin swung open with a booming crash. "Arnash! How *dare* you lay a hand on my daughter!" I looked up and saw my father. There was thunder in his eyes. The wind picked up and dark clouds began to gather in response to his wrath. His long platinum hair and glowing white robe snapped and fluttered in the growing breeze.5

The stranger who struck me seemed frozen with fear, but his companion was slowly inching his way back to the mud hole. When he finally spoke, it came out in a strained squeak. "Arnash, I told you we shouldn't have come. I'm sure we can explain to His Lordship that it's still too soon after losing his wife to --"6

"It will ALWAYS be too soon!" My father had grabbed each of the strangers by the collar before I could blink twice and began dragging them back up the path they had come down. "He knew a mortal could not survive the marriage trials. He knew I could not speak out on her behalf while I was in his prison. I will not return to His realm. Not now." He tossed one stranger into the mud single-handedly. "Not ever." He tossed the other one in. There was a brief flash of golden light as the portal activated and took the strangers away.7

When the light faded, my father fell to his knees. As I pulled myself to my feet, a chilly raindrop splattered on my forehead. Even before I could hear him sobbing, I saw the wings draped across his shoulders shudder. By the time I was standing beside him, the heavy rain had nearly soaked through my clothes. I couldn't think of anything to say to take away the pain of his loss for the woman I had never met. Instead, I crouched down, wrapped my arms around his shoulders, and let him cry.8

Finally, he looked up and stroked the back of my rain-soaked hair. "You are so much like your mother. She would have been proud of the way you stood up to those overbearing brutes." 9

I couldn't help smiling when I saw his red-rimmed eyes light up at the thought of her. "Maybe someday we'll be able to see her."10

I was barely able to hear my father's sigh as thunder rolled in the distances. "Dearest child, I've explained this to you before. When I gave up my immortality for her, she lost all memory of her past. She may be alive, but she doesn't know us. It's just the way things are."11

"Well, I don't like the way things are. Maybe, if she really tried, she might remember us."12

My father chuckled and the clouds began to part. "If she's still as stubborn as you, perhaps she could." He wrapped his arms and wings around me, making me feel safe, warm, and hopeful. 13

I looked over his shoulder, and saw the faintest of rainbows in the clouds. "I know she will."

Author notes

Even though this story doesn't tell about a woman with wings, there are people with wings, so I'm hoping it will be okay to enter my story in this contest.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • OkapiShomapi
    January 16, 2008

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    Concerning: "My father had grabbed each of the strangers by the collar before I could blink twice and began dragging them back up the path they had come down."

    Okay, mostly I just thought this sentence was confusing. It seems like the focus switched characters twice, and that tripped me up...I know, it doesn't make much sense, I wish I could explain it better.

    But, hey, I have a possible solution, if you want:

    "Before I could blink twice, my father had grabbed each of the strangers by the collar and begun dragging them back up the path."

    Or, if you don't like that, I think adding a comma after 'twice'. But even that, is a little iffy for me.

    I don't know, maybe I'm just feeling dumb tonight. Please don't take offense that I ripped apart that sentence -- I really like this piece a lot!

    annye

  • OkapiShomapi
    January 16, 2008
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    "My father had grabbed each of the strangers by the collar before I could blink twice and began dragging them back up the path they had come down."
    This sentence is confusing -- the subject switches from her father, to her, and then back again, and I had to read it a couple of times to get it. Also, it ends in a preposition....

    "Maybe some day we'll be able to see her."
    I'm pretty sure that 'someday' is one word.......?

    Other than those, I really like this piece. It's short, so it kept my attention, and it seems to have a lot of genuine emotion in it. I would love to read more about these characters, but I'm also happy with where you left them.

    Thanks for great read!

    annye


  • UnicornGargoyle
    January 11, 2008

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    It's definitely an interesting idea but it needs more work. There is so much you could do with this. I really like how the weather changes with his emotions.


  • Krazy Scott
    December 23, 2007

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    I liked this. Even though we don't have all the pieces to the story, it flowed together nicely and the dialogue was pretty good. This would be a good start to a longer story, certainly. I hope you continue it!


  • Xylch
    December 22, 2007

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    Enjoyable

    To me, the plot seemed a little predictable, but I did enjoy the story because of the vivid way the characters are protrayed. All of the dialog and action seems very natural and expresses their personalities well.

    I especially liked line 3. I think those words really capture the daughter's personality and spirit. Everything she does in the rest of the story comfirms the impression I got there.


  • Elisabeth gold member
    December 21, 2007

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    Very Imaginative,

    A great read, will we see more? I am intrigued with the plot that has surfaced. You've laid down a strong start to what I have no doubt will become an outstanding story.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

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