Sarah's Trail

“If man were meant to fly, God would have given us wings. 1

It is when we try to defy God that we stumble and fall.”2

-Leonardo da Vinci3

Looking back I can remember it all very clearly. The smell of the woods in spring, the sound of birds chirping and singing love songs to each other. It was a marvelous time when nothing seemed like it could go wrong. If only I had known then what I know now, I think I would have rather stayed home and mowed the lawn.4

The phone rings and I run to pick it up.5

“Hello?” I ask. It’s only Nicole wanting Mandy, as always. You’d think by now I’d be used to the phone not being for me. I slump back down on my bed; content to daydream the day away so long as Grammy forgets about the lawn.6

I hear Mandy come running down the steps. Annoyed at her impending interruption into my world, I hop out of bed and try to stop her before she has a chance. Running to the opening staircase, I try to cut her off but fail miserably.7

“What do you want?” I ask sarcastically, sounding very annoyed. She always interrupts my quiet time. In a matter of hours I’ll be out sweating as I mow the lawn and I’d like to spend what time I can alone to think and imagine by some miracle, that I have a new family.8

“Nicole and her family are going to Crêpo Park. Grammy said I could go but only if I took you along. Please just say yes and act normal. This is the only change we’ll have to get out of mowing the lawn.” She has that annoying look on her face. The one where she looks like a half dying dog begging for food. I know I can’t refuse. Dammit.9

I slump down on my bed again in defeat.10

“Fine, but if she’s acting at all like a snob or Brandon gets stupid just once, you’re doing the lawn ALONE!” She agrees eagerly and I begin to wonder why she’s so excited. It’s only a half assed attempt at a park anyway. I’d much rather be camping up Indian Creek. But to her, this is something new. Sometimes I wonder if we’re really related.11

I put on my boots and trounce up the stairs. Grams is making Mandy promise to mow the lawn when she gets back. Mandy says we’ll be back in plenty of time, but knowing her, she’ll make it way after dark before we even head out for home. Their conversation turns into mumbles as they whisper something I’m not supposed to hear. The van honks in the driveway, the annoying sound reaching my ears, aggravating me more.12

The van is bright red and long with a big door on the side that I can barely open. Mandy makes me open it for her. I get shoved into the back seat with Nicole’s little brother. Brandon is acting like such a dip shit singing “Great Green Globs of Slimy Gooey Gofer Guts”. I rest my head on the window and slip back into my dream world in an attempt to block him out. Everything starts to blur together in a mass of corn and farmhouses.13

The next thing I know, we’re there at a giant slab cement park on top of a bluff that looks over “crap river”. The water is browner than the dirt around it. We park in a huge lot and get out of the van in a giant stampede. Looking around, I feel the urge to get back in. Walking down the sidewalk into the “wilderness” along a rock-lined trail isn’t exactly what I call an adventure, much less something to be excited about.14

Brandon is jumping around and more or less just being himself. I roll my eyes in disgust. Mandy notices and gives me that older sister look that always means ,”shut up and stop being so cynical. He’s only a kid.” I don’t think I’m cynical, just jaded. And if you could just see this kid, he’s like the Manson’s kid on crack. The world was better off without his ass.15

By now everyone is standing around looking at the war statues on the edge of the cliff.16

“Can we get going already?” I ask in irritation. The statues bore me. The bronze cannons from wars long past are not what I came here to see. I can hear the lost cries calling out to me from their depths and I slowly edge away. As much as I hate to, I grab Brandon and make him follow me down the trail. Any excuse to get away from that scene is worth it, even if :it” is singing again at the top of “it’s” lungs. Faintly, I can hear them calling for us to wait up but I press on anyway.17

Hours go by and the clouds seem to be bursting with rain, screaming out their warnings. I imagine them exploding and I giggle. I get lost in my random thoughts and by the time I get around to checking that I’m still with the group, I see that Nicole and her Grandma Sally have vanished. I give her Grandpa Ron a quizzical look.18

“Go on” he says, “We’ll get them on the way back. They got tired and sat down to rest.”19

I look back behind us and see them sitting under an overhang. They look tired and pathetic really. Can’t even walk a half hour without wearing out. I’m even more annoyed now. Why am I out here with these pathetic people? I miss my mountains.20

The trail ahead is rough, unmarked, and unsafe. The little sigh at the head, half hidden by bushes, says to BEWARE above faded lettering marking it as “Sarah’s Trail”. I wonder why that name. Who was Sarah? I figure though, that in the end it’s of little consequence. Feeling bored and being adventurous and tired, I ignore the sign. Following my lead, Mandy, Brandon and Ron all walk past the sign, oblivious to it’s existence. The trail is so much more interesting. The more of it I see, the faster I walk. Brandon tries to keep up as I tell him the names of the different plants and animals. He tries to repeat their scientific names but fumbles on the words. I give up and say their common, boring names. The trail now seems longer.21

The silence is overpowering. I wish Brandon would say something or leave me alone to walk among the woods in peace. I can hear the soft screams coming from the beach right below us. A bottle breaks and I hear more screams. It sounds like a party down at the beach. I wish I were at that party... 22

Ron starts to yell at us. I turn around and walk back towards the rest of the group but stop mid way when I see the look on their faces. I can see fear in Ron’s eyes as he urges me to go faster, pulling my arm along and I start to feel tears welling up in my eyes. I push him away. What’s going on? 23

A scuff in the trail catches me off guard and I slip. Ron grabs my arm, pulling me up to keep me from going over the edge. I look at that unnatural scuff, fear overwhelming my sense. Now I run. Fast.24

Nicole is crying, being held by Sally. Everything blurs together again. I want to go back home to my bed. I close my eyes and then open them again, praying that everything was a nightmare but when I look again, it’s all still there. We race to the van, oblivious of the rain starting to sprinkle down on us.25

“Where’s Mandy?” I scream, louder and louder each time. They wont answer me. I keep running into oblivion, screaming her name in hopes that maybe she’ll hear me and call back. Maybe it’s not true. My cries are lost in the thunder and rain and not even my own echo returns to me.26

The seat is damp. My clothes are damp. My spirits most of all, are damp. I can hear the music and I start to sing along in my head. “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way.” I don’t really know the rest so I turn to look out the window again, waiting for Ron to return with news. The tune drones on as I stare at the rivulets of water streaking down the window to fall to the ground, washing more mud into the river. The chorus starts again and the rain picks up speed, hail falling like frozen tears. I wonder in passing why God is crying. “I can see all obstacles in my way”. The ambulance pulls out with my sister. All I can think is that they’re taking her away from me. 27

We pull out to follow the ambulance just as the rain starts to fully unleash it’s wrath. The hail is now the size of walnuts and I can hear them relentlessly on the roof, pounding along with the rain like a depressing melody. “..the rain is gone.” 28

I start to cry.29

Sitting in that waiting room with the smell of antibacterial soap all around makes the truths start to finally sink in. The room is so clean and white and cold. The lights are blinding. I start to shiver compulsively. I can smell death in the air and it fills my nostrils. It’s all around that waiting room, that clean white waiting room. I try to remember when it could have happened, how I could have missed it. The party on the beach comes to mind. That screaming, bottle breaking, swimming in the surf beach party. I cry harder as the minutes slip away.30

Finally they wheel her by and I stand to chase after her, to catch her before she leaves me and is lost forever. The blood rushes from my head and I faint. Dreams flow into my mind to replace the miser. Dreams of a party on the beach, right below the trail, right where she fell. Finally I slip away into forgiving oblivion.31

I’ve tried to go back there to that trail many times. The gate only blocks unwilling entrance. If you really wish to follow it, you may. The trail is just as I remember it. Wooded, rustic, and most of all, high up. But when you go down below the trail, to the railroad tracks, it’s a whole different world. Prices of medical supplies still lie on the ground where she feel from the trail, battered and worn from many years of weather. I’ve tried to wash out that picture, forget what my mind’s eye sees. I can imagine her lying there after her fall, the ruts in the side of the dirt cliff where she tumbled down. The pain in her eyes from her thrice broken back as she tries to get up and walk, afraid that if she didn’t, she would never be found. But as I stand there on that bit of track, in the man made clearing, in the middle of a forest, seventy-five feet below Sarah’s Trail, that scene is forgotten. For it’s then that I look towards the west where the river flows by the beach, over two miles from where I stand.32