Eva waited in line. she was going to see Santa for the first time in her life. Even though she was only 4, Eva was a patient girl. As she neared Santa her anticipation grew. Eva began to grow impatient. Eva never became impatient.1
Finally it was her turn to sit on Santa's lap. Eva slowly walked up to santa. She sat down on his lap and looked up at his face. He smiled at her and said,
"Now dear, what would you like for christmas?"
"I... I want a good christmas. If you could just bring me one present. I don't care what it is as long as I get one." Eva replied.
"A good christmas wish. I will see what I can do." he said.2
As Eva stepped down she felt good. She walked over to her mom and smiled. Eva and her mom hurried home. Up until christmas eve, all Eva did was smile. When christmas eve came and it was time for bed, Eva begged to sleep in the living room. But because her mom knew Eva believed in Santa, Eva ended up sleeping in her room.3
Eva tried to stay up late so she could hear the bells of Santa's sleigh, but she quickly fell into a deep sleep. She dreamed about Santa coming down her chimnney. Then a loud crash interupted her dreams.4
She slowly got up and walked into the living room. There stood Santa. Santa began putting toys in Eva's stocking, and presents under the tree. Eva cried out,
"Santa! You came!"5
He turned around quickly. He smiled and said,
"Eva, you're not supposed to see Santa. You get punished if you see Santa on christmas eve." Eva went pale.
"Punished? What kind of punishment?" she asked.
"Come here Eva." He said.6
Eva hesitated for a minute, then walked over to santa. Santa grabbed her around the waist. Eva screamed so loud it hurt Santa's ears, but he didn't loosen his grip. Eva's mother ran into the room and when she saw what was happening screamed,
"Put her down now!"7
Santa just smiled. He walked over to Eva's mother and took off his boot. He hit Eva's mom in the head with it. Eva's mother dropped to to the floor. Everything seemed to go in slow motion to Eva. Santa then set Eva down and said,
"Now for your punishment."8
He pulled out a knife. He yelled something Eva couldn't understand because she was crying so much. Three elves then fell down the chimney and walked over to Eva. They held her down. Then what happened next is almost to sad to say.9
Santa repeatedly stabbed Eva in the chest, and slit her throat. He then turned to Eva's mother, and watched as she woke up. He wanted it to be as painful as possible. As Eva's mother got up, Santa stabbed her through the chest to.10
Santa then with a flick of his wrist, went up the chimney along with the elves. Santa then rode away out of sight, never returning to the house where Eva had lived. Eva had gotten one present. the present of death.
A contest entry
- Killer...Santa... by jtnbuck.
175 points, ended January 30, 2008, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please Tell Me What You Think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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It is very important to use pronouns, you may need to come back and edit this because you mentioned Eva to much which is a proper noun. You did the same thing with Santa also. This is not discriptive enough to be a short story. It looks like you did'nt take your time with this and just typed it down. I really thing you should come back and edit this. It still is a great idea for a story though. You forgot to capitilize a few things but that's ok. Good job!!
Keep on writing!!
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oh.. lord this was very good thank you for fixing it it was kool I really like that pic the most good luck in my contest..
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thanks eva. I thought it was okay.
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MUCH BETTER
I loved it! No one should make Santa mad. LOL! -
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thank you. yeah I don't think anyone will make Santa mad. I hope not anyways.
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Nice try
This story has a good beginning; just add to it. Very good attempt! Keep writing!
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thanks for the comment. I just finished it a minute ago. thanks for the comment. I accidently pressed enter.
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ok this has nothing to do with anyone or any thing being killed im sorry it just dont make to much sence and it is very very short try adding more detail or and maybe emtion please thanks
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sorry I accidently pressed enter when I wasn't in the writing box thing and it entered the story. I fixed it though. It's finished.
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