You broke my door... I fixed it..
You broke my glasses... I fixed it
You broke my car... I fixed it too..
You broke my heart ...I fixed it as well
You broke you ...And I did not fix it
Because I hate you..
You told lies..
You cheated
You messed up..
All them things that was mine..
I fixed them because I'm strong
You can't fix your self cause your weak..
I was never weak cause I fixed all my things
So you can take all them things you told me...
And tell your self them you weak oh..I hate you..
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wow. I haven't read something from you in a while. This one has an exceptionally strong voice, which is very important in influencial poetry.
Really, really great job here.
"You broke my door... I fixed it..
You broke my glasses... I fixed it
You broke my car... I fixed it too..
You broke my heart ...I fixed it as well
You broke you ...And I did not fix it
Because I hate you.."
--I love that part the best.
This would make a great song.
language: 3.
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Nicely done, in a raw emotional way. A few grammatical errors, though...
'All them things that was mine'... All those things that were mine
'You can't fix your self cause your weak'.. You can't fix yourself 'cause you're weak.. (the cause should be 'cause, short for because. The your self... not sure on that, or 'yourself', since it coudl read both ways, depending on your original meaning)
'So you can take all them things you told me...'So you can take all those things you told me...
The last line... I can't quite make it out
The sentiment is there, but the words seem to be either out of place, or a few additional ones that weren't edited out in the final.
Anyway, very intense and strong in meaning.
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wow this is really good
and strong. This was so different from all your other pieces (which I like). You did a really great job, I like the symbolism
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