My Diary

Hey Diary,1

Life has turned around again. It went back to good for a while but has since plummetted so far back down. My relapse gradually got worse. But that wasn't what made me do it again... Last night... I don't even want to remember it... But I won't be able to sleep unless I do... 2

Everyone was on edge, for some reason. I was talking to Sam on MSN, when my brother, Nicholas, came in. Nick and I were both in a good mood for the moment. I showed Nick a photo of Sam on my phone, but Sam hated that photo so he told Nick to delete it. So Nick grabbed my phone. I chased him around the loungeroom to get it back, laughing. He then sat on it and discovered that he had Danielle's phone in his pocket, so, on the pretence of giving her phone to her, he went into her room and gave her both phones. I went in to get my phone back and she started yelling at me and pushing me. I left her room but she didn't give it back. Mum came in to see whast all the yelling was about. She then tried to get my phone back, but Danielle started punching her. Dad was called in for reinforcement. He ran into Danielle's room... and started bashing her up, yelling threats to kill her... Danielle's screams... They keep echoing in my head. They havent left me all day, even if I'm listening to something else... and for some stupid reason, I convinced myself that nothing hurts more that a sisters scream of pain... and I got out my nail scizzors and the sharpest pair of normal scizzors I could find in my room... I used the nail scizzors to go down the length of my arm... and then cut into the delicate skin... of my wrists... that was the first big cut... And I used my other scizzors... to make the harder marks in my wrists. As I watched the blood well up like tears, I knew it was wrong but I couldn't stop. I did it again, and again. 3

Nick came in and interrupted me but I don't think he saw the scizzors... I'd only done a few deep cuts by that point but after he talked to me and told me to be strong, I didn't cut again that night. I didn't cry although I wanted to weep and sob. I just felt all pent up inside, and a bit angry at Dad and upset that is happening to my family. One day, when it gets too much, I'm gonna burst. I have to sleep now.4

Katie