There's Nothing to see here

Never judge people on their appearances. Just because they have glasses doesn’t mean they are smart, just because they are blonde doesn’t mean they are dumb, just because they are guys doesn’t mean they are straight. It just sickens me, I’m always judged on my appearance. My name is James Robinson and I come from a family of 4 boys. Well, according to my father, 3 boys, then there am me.1

What can I say? My dad is a true Aussie bloke, he’s not yet used to my sort.2

Ok, if you still don’t get what I’m saying you must be either
a) Oblivious to the world around you
b ) Absolutely stupid
Or
c) Faking it.3

Yes, that’s absolutely right Ladies and Gentlemen. I, James, have an unhealthy addiction to eggs! Yes! I repeat: EGGS! Oh and I’m homosexual but I don’t think that’s important. Not a big deal…for me anyway.4

I don’t mind it, and I don’t think I’m that different. But others do. You know, well you probably don’t…but it’s just hard for someone like me to fit in this world.5

When you are actually different from the rest of the world, you see all of their lies, all of their secrets. For example; while most people (including politics) say that they are all for gays. But as soon as someone comes along, they are opposed. I hate lies. Yet I’m surrounded by lies. 6

Why do they have to lie? Why do they have to put on fake smiles and pretend they don’t care? Why do they rave on about it, ending up making us feel uncomfortable?7

Guess I’ll never know.8

Despite being different I think like everyone else. In fact, sometimes I don’t even think at all! As a wise man once said “I am not an idiot, sometimes I just don’t think.” Right back at ya mate!
As I said, my dad is a true blue Aussie bloke. Why shouldn’t I be one too? Why shouldn’t I speak the language of my fellow Australians? 9

Wait. Stop. Don’t even bother answering that. I don’t like giving people the chance to say something they’ll regret. It makes everyone uncomfortable and upset.10

I hate being uncomfortable and upset. But sometimes I can’t stop it. And usually, it doesn’t even concern me. Just those around me. I feel constantly left out because of who I am. 11

But seriously, I am ME and ME is not going to change, not now, not ever. I didn’t change when my mum told me I should, I didn’t change when my brothers criticised me, why should I change myself just because some stupid, stuck up, complete stranger has a problem with me? It’s like trying to tell Pooh Bear to give up honey. Useless, stupid and might even be dangerous.12

BACK AWAY FROM THE HONEY…SLOWLY! 13

My brother’s soccer game is on today. I like watching it. It’s funny when all the players suddenly tackle the poor person. Jake, my eldest brother, is a brilliant player. He sort of grabs the people by their waist and swings them down to the ground. Then he takes the ball and runs like there’s no tomorrow!
I can’t run that fast. I can’t run. I’m what they call, “athletically challenged.” So I don’t play sports. Or games. I’ll chuck the Frisbee or kick the soccer ball with my brothers for a minute but that’s all. Yes, call me a girl, everyone else does. And, hey! I’m OK with that! 14

I am what I am. (Note above paragraph.)15

Yes, so I don’t really play games. Not even computer games. My little brother has this game that’s sort of cool.
See, there are these 4 snooker balls, red, blue, white and green, and they all race and you have to win. Now the computerised balls are always blue, green and red…and they are the lucky ones that get powers. You, the player, are always the white ball. You start last and you have no powers. Basically, you lose.16

My mum tried to explain to me that it’s a great game. Tried too, I wasn’t listening. Anyway, somewhere in the middle of her rambling, she said that the balls represent people and how everyone is different and all have their talents. Yes Mum, it may be educational but the fact that I can’t win makes it stupid. 17

The only reason I play the game is because it’s fun to watch the blue ball drop bombs and everyone flies off in directions. In fact, once the stupid blue ball blew itself up! That was classic! Would have been even better if I had won that game…but I didn’t, as normal.18

As normal the computerised people won. Would life be better as a computer game? A question I ponder often. Yes, I do get very bored but I prefer being bored than entertained. My dad’s idea of entertaining is watching a 5 hour footy marathon. Bleuch. I have very bad footy memories. Like when I was little. My dad made me play rugby. You never quite understand the meaning of pain until 10 fat kids jump on you while you try to run. I lost at least 10 brain cells that day. No wonder I’m failing French. And Maths. And Science. Let’s just say school isn’t my best subject. I’m really good at acting though. I can make someone think I like sports or that I’m listening even when I’m not. I can make people laugh without even meaning to. Very annoying but still, as long as someone is happy. 19

That’s my call in life. To make others happy. Not a big challenge because the world thinks I’m amusing. The problem is that even though my dream job is to be an actor I’ll probably end up being a hairdresser. Stereotypical. My whole life is based on stereotypes. Mine more than others. Because I’m not like others.20

I’ve faced these problems all my life. Everyone says they don’t believe in stereotypes anymore and that people can be anything they want. Well, I have news for you. This all changes as soon as someone like me walks into the picture! It works more than one way. Meaning that apparently all gay guys must be hair dressers. And all male hairdressers must be gay. Why aren’t girls like this? They can be whatever they want, even if they are homosexual. No one gives a flying whoop. 21

Why is it so different? We are all individuals, all different in the same way. Well, that’s what I like to think. These days you walk out of your door and see a group of girls, all dressed the same. CLONES! RUN!
Clones scare me. They do the exact same things, dress the same…like fashion zombies. Might as well be staring in a mirror.22

And if guys act like clones they get shunned and laughed at. WHY????? And people still say girls got it harder. 23

Do I see girls getting bashed up for not playing soccer?
Do I see women working all day while the men look after kids?
Do I see women driving everywhere?
NO! The majority of today’s female society let the men do the work then complain. That’s all they do. 24

Yes, they may drive and work, and looking after kids is hard. But often, the men drive more, they work and they have to help with the kids ANYWAY! 25

I’m so off topic now. Sorry, you’ll have to bear with me for a moment. Lost my train of thought. Probably crashed it into a cliff. OH! I wonder if it burned up? And then it exploded and bits of fire went EVERYWHERE! And it tumbles down the cliff, into a small village killing THOUSANDS! Then all of a sudden the world stops moving around, everything stops, the sky falls and we all DIE!!!!!!!! Except me!
You know why? BECAUSE I WENT SWIMMING! Haha! I didn’t die! Ha ha ha ha! What? Oh yes, why yes I am a qualified psychopath. Thanks for asking. 26

Anyway, back to track. Ah, yes. Girls, women, ladies, females, what ever they are called these days. Yes I am homosexual. But that doesn’t mean I want to be a girl. It doesn’t mean I have to like girls. It means I like GUYS. So many people think that if a guy is gay then he wants to be a girl and hangs around girls more. That’s stupid! 27

Firstly, how are you meant to get a date if you hang around girls?
Secondly, I said you can’t change me didn’t I? Which means I like being a guy. Just because I like guys doesn’t mean I have to be a girl.
STEREOTYPES! KNOW THEM, LEARN THEM, HATE THEM! Why? Because I do. 28

You know what really, extremely annoys me? Those stupid “Piracy – it’s a crime!” adds. I mean, seriously, some people actually do steal TV’s and do steal purses and mobiles. So when the ad is on and it’s saying you wouldn’t steal a purse, they are actually like, yes I would.29

Also, I didn’t even know you could download movies until those ads came up! In fact one of these days I am going to down load a movie just to spite the ads. Then I will go, drink a Pepsi Max, try to climb a five story building, then sue the pants off those creators of the adds who said with a little bit of Pepsi Max, anything is posible.30

Bet they didn’t think ANYONE was stupid enough to think it was real. Yeah, I bet they homosexuals are just a myth. 31

I wonder what it would be like to wake up one morning and this freaky bald guy says, “Congratulations! You’re a Prince soon to be a King!”
I’d probably either say, “What the @&^%!”, look confused OR shrug my shoulders, place pillow on head and completely ignore the guy. 32

How come movies are never realistic? Even the reality shows aren’t. I mean, in reality you aren’t normally placed in a house surrounded by heaps of random people. In real life you aren’t stranded on an island. 33

In real life, if you want to get fit, there isn’t anyone to yell in your ear and make you do more push ups. In real life there isn’t a narrator discussing everything that happens. Unless you’re a movie star though. 34

I guess for reality people in those reality shows, that’s there life. Man, when they leave they must be like, whoa. My old life blows! I mean who wants to come back to boring, friendless days in front of the couch after months with heaps of friends and a pool! Yes, some lucky people may already have a pool and don’t need a dumb show.35

The bad part is even if I tried, I couldn’t get on to one of those shows. Let’s face it; straight couples are all the rage. And even if I did go on, I’d be voted off for acting normal.
Apparently, my sort is meant to swing their butts when they walk, talk like chicks; wear high heels, blah, blah, blah.
Look in a mirror. Who do you see? Do you see yourself or just a image floating in the mirror? 36

We are all different, so why see your self the same? 37

When I look in the mirror, I see happiness.
I see peace.
I see humour.
I see me.
I’m just like you. Uniquely like everyone else.
So don’t look at me different. There’s nothing to see here.38