My name is Mai. Mai Valentine. The ironic thing about my name is that, I have never found love, seen love, or really given a flying whoop about it. Or is that a lie? All right. I believe in love. But love doesn’t believe in me. 2
What really is the point in love anyway? It’s just one huge hole that can’t be filled.3
And even if it could be filled, with what? What would be precious enough and strong enough to hold love down, to close the hole? Nothing really is strong enough to close the hole. All the chocolate in the world still isn’t strong enough!4
He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. Why do we do this to ourselves? Not only are we setting ourselves up and confusing ourselves, we are also damaging the poor flower! Might as well light the whole bush on fire!5
Love is so…over rated. Yet, I can’t get enough of it. 6
Love is so…pointless. Yet, without it I’d be lost. 7
Love is so…love. It’s love. It doesn’t need to make sense or have a point; it’s just love. Confusing, annoying, devastating, imaginable, thrilling and absolutely perfect. 8
As you can tell, I have mixed feelings about my mixed feelings. 9
My feelings are sort of like a mixed drink. You never know what you’re gonna find. Some Fanta, grenadine, even the slight trace of cookie crumbs, anything really. Especially when your little brothers make you the drink. WARNING! NEVER DRINK ANYTHING GIVEN TO YOU BY 5-YEAR-OLDS! They may say that they know what to do...they lie. 10
I learnt the hard way. Oh and never refuse something your older sister makes. It could end up with her breaking out in tears, yelling, or even threatening to go anorexic. Again, I had to learn the hard way.11
I’m the root of problems in my family. Or so my parents say. I don’t even look like them. My whole family has brown eyes, blonde hair and fair skin. I have bright blue eyes, light brown hair and tanish skin. But that’s because I get sunburnt easily. So I’m the odd one out. I’m probably adopted or something. Anyway, my sister is obsessed with love. Then again, at 16 she should be. My little brothers like to spit when girls go past. (Could be a sign, not brave enough to find out yet.) And me, well I’m Mai Valentine. Never been out, don’t really wanna, don’t really care.12
I’m the type of girl who laughs when people fall over or lose cash. Aka: in Deal or No Deal, Weakest Link and another game where the losers lose cash.13
My nephew laughs at it too. Little Kai. He use to laugh at TV before he could walk. He’d just sit in front of the TV laughing at the poor suckers that lost. Ah. Good times. 14
My twin brother’s Jayden and Kayden prefer to watch wrestling then practising the moves on me. My sister, Emi, well, I never really see her. She is either out on dates or in her room. She gets asked out heaps, I don’t care. Guys back away from me. Maybe it’s because they know I don’t care. Maybe it’s because they know I can beat them up. Easily. 15
OK. You’re probably thinking either a) this chicks tough or
her whole family has…weird names. What can I say? Nothing really because I didn’t choose them. My mum wanted us to be individuals. She wanted us to be unique. Couldn’t we be uniquely like everyone else? 16You might also be think how many more siblings I have? I have another older sister, Pipa and her twin brother, Marc, both 15. Two sets of twins? You gotta be kidding me! But alas, it is true. They couldn’t have waited a year longer to have me. Then I’d be the twin. It’s alright being normal. But everyone loves you when you are a twin. 17
With all these siblings, all beautiful blonde headed people, it’s hard to get a date. Even if I wanted one I couldn’t. Unless my sisters set the guy up. Then he’d probably say he has a headache and leave. 18
It’s not that I’m not pretty. It’s that I’m not blonde. If I was blonde, I’d have dates. I look like my sisters but everyone knows that blondes are meant to be more fun. Therefore blondes are better.19
The only thing making blondes more fun is the people giving them the chance to be. I could be fun if I was giving the chance. You’re all like bloody Hitler. He liked blondes too.20
Hitler was a hypocrite. He said everyone must be blonde haired and blue eyed. AND HE WAS BROWN HAIRED AND BROWN EYED! Hypocritical people. Tut tut. I found this weird website about these cats who look like Hitler. There were some really good ones. Had moustaches and everything. Even a comb over.21
I want Hitler’s cat. I shall call him Kittler. And he shall be my little Nazi. Even though I totally despise Nazis. 22
My little Kittler shall be a leader for all the evil cats out there. In the end, my little evil Kittler shall be sent to pet prison. I won’t be able to visit him because he will get transported to England’s prison. Then the Queen’s cat will fall in love with him, he will shave off his moustache. My cat shall turn good and go to kitty heaven when he dies. Then when in heaven, he shall turn evil and conquer the world. Such chaos. Now, all I need to do is buy a cat…23
Why yes, I am terribly bored thank you. I am actually a creative person (or so everyone says.) I just prefer to use my talent thinking up random crap. Much more fun. Real crap is better than reality. Any day. 24
Great. Not only are the horrors, Kayden & Jayden home and blowing the place into smithereens, (and that’s before they eat sugar) but Emi and her new love, Marlee, are home. When am I getting a boy friend? Will the world hurry up! Lazy idiots. 25
See, today’s society is so…weird. Guys think the girl will make the first move, girls think guys will. Both scared of rejection. Slowly, the days go by and they move on. It doesn’t matter how much they loved each other, they were pansies so their love remained anonymous. 26
Anonymous. What a funny word. When I was little I called it A name for mouse. I still do. It sounds so much better. Even Kai can talk better than me. But that’s because he is 3 and the world of slang hasn’t corrupted his mind yet. 27
I’m gonna get a job at Woolworths. No reason, I just really don’t want to work at Kmart. Or Big W. Spending your weekend telling kids where the toys are. Fun. Great fun. (Insert sarcastic remark) 28
I’m really bored. In class we all said what we did when we were kids. I was the only girl that said I played with cars, ate my Barbie doll’s hands off and ate grass. But it wasn’t me. My brother made me do it. And my sisters were such…why would I copy someone I don’t look like.29
Don’t get me wrong. Pipa and Emi are the best sisters in the world. They weren’t always though. There was a time, way back, when they were living nightmares. Mainly because I took all their stuff, wore their clothes and spat if they didn’t like it. Told you I was adopted. 30
I wish Marlee would leave. Not because I’m grumpy and tired. No, because he is so damn hot. It angers me that my sister, my own flesh and bones can get a hot guy and I can’t.31
My sister tried to calm me down by making me read this thing that said girls are like apples in a tree and the good apples (girls) are at the top. Now the guys pick the apples at the bottom because the lazy idiots can’t be bothered getting a ladder to get the good apples. So the good apples go un-noticed thinking they did something wrong. I have 3 things to say to that. 32
1) That mean’s my two sisters are bad apples right? 33
2) And…I’m a good apple?34
3) Why won’t those idiots hurry up and pick me already! Call the bloody fire brigade you lazy idiots! Stupid idiots. You prove my theory. Guys are lazy. 35
Jeez, thank you Emi. Now I know I’m an apple that won’t be picked until it rots and falls onto the ground because the idiotic apple pickers don’t carry portable ladders. Thank you oh so very much. 36
Why is everything pointless? I mean EVERYTHING. My life is pointless, love is pointless, I’m pretty sure junk mail is pointless…37
Mum says the best part of a pointless life is having the choice to do whatever I want. I say the best part in a pointless life is probably the life part. Or maybe the point. Or even the less part! Hmm…something to think about….38
You know those stupid quizzes EVERY teenage girl magazine and website has? Stuff like how to know if a guy is into you? Yeah, they don’t work. Just a heads up. Think about it; the quiz is about a guy written by girls? How would girls know what guys really think? Yes, they do ask them, but yes, guys do lie. If you don’t know that, you are extremely clueless. 39
I’m clueless too, but I’m not afraid to admit it. What can I say? I’m the lovable loner. Yet, I still don’t have love. They say you can’t buy love…who ever said that was probably poor. Now, however, if you look out your window, you will see this is modern times. If you look closely, ladies and gentlemen, you will see a couple walking by. If you look even more closely you will see the number of jewellery on her wrist.40
Marriage is official after the girl has been given the ring. MATERIAL ITEM. Love is declared after the ring is presented. AFTER THE MATERIAL ITEM.41
And now there is an engagement ring? Poof. It’s just an excuse for a guy to waste his cash. You don’t need money for love. Poof. Who ever said that never got married. 42
Whoa. Major Bummer. Remember how I’m always saying, “I bet I’m adopted?” Well, now I know why I don’t look like my family. I have a different dad. How does that work when both older and younger siblings look alike and not the middle child? Well, see, after having Emi, Pipa & Marc, my parents gave it a rest and went different ways. Then, of course, my mum meets this new guy. My dad. Then after I was born, he fled because he wanted a boy not a girl. Yes. My dad was a loser. Where is he now? I don’t care. He’s such a dog. The rest of the story falls into place. Mum and dad reunited. Mum and dad back together. Babies 4,5 and 6 come along.43
Told you I was adopted. I was pretty close.44
So there. An example of how love stuffs the world up. Except, my parents are bad examples because love came back to them. Not a usual thing. 45
Love is so over rated, is so pleasant. Is so stupid. Is so clear. 46
Love is just…47
Love is just…48
Love is just a word.49
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