Ash stared at the other man, calmly waiting for him to speak. The sky was getting lighter, prompting him to glance at the horizon. He doubted that the Hunter would push it to sunrise, but one never quite knew when it came to Dominic Olluein.1
Dom returned the gaze evenly, not planning on budging one inch on his refusal to talk. He doubted that Ash would let it go as far as having a Dark-Hunter fry in the sunrise, but one never quite knew when it came to the Atlantean. 2
Shadows hopped out between the two as a sliver of light crept along the ground to herald the dawn. Dom finally turned around to look at something he hadn’t seen in far too long. Crossing his arms over his chest, he titled his head back slightly and closed his eyes. 3
Ash grimaced, and raised a hand. He paused, waiting until the sunlight touched the Dark-Hunter’s foot, then transported them out of certain death.4
Dom lowered his arms and turned, both disappointed and relieved that he was still breathing. “I can’t set fire to anything, Ash,” he finally said. “I’ve tried, too many times, and I can’t do it.” 5
“Not even to save lives?”6
“Fire doesn’t save,” the Hunter replied in a low voice. “Its only purpose is to consume.”7
“What about Angie?”8
Dom stared at him in confusion at the change in topic. “What about her?”9
“You tell me.”10
He sighed. If this was one of Ash’s legendary cryptic moments, then it would be like smashing into a brick wall trying to get answers. “Angie is a friend… I think.”11
“Is that all?”12
Annoyance crossed his face. “I haven’t slept with her, if that’s what you mean.”13
“That’s not what I meant.”14
“Geeze,” Dom said, his voice as close to a whine as it ever got. “Just tell me what you’re hinting at, and then I can tell you to mind your own effin’ business, then you can be on your way and I can get to bed.”15
Ash stared from behind dark sunglasses. “Remember what I told you the last time we met?”16
“That was about four hundred years ago,” Dom replied dryly. “I’m lucky if I can remember what I had for breakfast.”17
“Toast and scrambled eggs.”18
Dom clamped his teeth together to keep from screaming. “You might have mentioned something about pissing people off, or not pissing people off, or me being shipped off to some piss-hole in the snow…or something like that.”19
“Angie needs you.”20
His mind was whirling with the constant change in topic. “For what?” He stared, then it dawned on him. “No. No, no, no, no.” Shaking his head, he took a step back. “Ain’t gonna happen, no way, no how.” 21
“Why not?”22
“Because Angie is a friend, and I won’t do that to someone I like, or even know.”23
“Don’t you want to find your out clause?” Ash asked, referring to the one thing that could release a Dark-Hunter’s soul.24
Dom shook his head. “No.”25
“Why not?”26
“Because I like being a Hunter. I like being able to kill when I want, and have a fucking big deposit in my bank account every month.”27
Ash could appreciate that, but he wanted to know that, if given the opportunity, would any Hunter take the choice of love or shade. “What about being able to sit in the sun, or love someone?”28
“Sunburn is highly overrated, and I lost the only woman I’ll ever love.”29
“Even if it meant inner peace?”30
Closing his eyes briefly, Dom ground his teeth in annoyance. “What’s with the Inquisition, Ash?” 31
“It’s not an Inquisition.”32
His eyes opened and he gave his boss a humorless stare. “Twenty questions, then?”33
“I’m just interested in why, when given the chance, someone would risk being a shade.”34
“Okay, yeah.” Dom held his hands out and gave his head a small shake. “When the real Ash shows up, lemme know. Until then, doppelganger, I’m going to bed.”35
Ash watched as he walked away, then motioned. Dom flew through the air, turning as he did, and landed hard against the wall. Walking up to the trapped Dark-Hunter, Ash took his glasses off and glared.36
“This real enough for you?”37
Dom had the nerve to smile slightly, which annoyed Ash even further. “I was starting to get worried,” Dom said in a slow voice. “The warm and fluffy Ash waxing about love and life is rather disturbing.”38
Ash pulled his hand back slightly, then pushed, bringing Dom from the wall and back against it again. “You’re seriously pissing me off.”39
“That was my aim.” He grunted as he was pushed into the wall again. “I doubt you saved me from getting fried in the sun just so you could shove me through a wall,” he said calmly. “If you want to fight, then give me your word that you won’t kill me, and then let me off the wall…’cause I got a light switch in the back and it’s kind of uncomfortable.” 40
Staring, Ash struggled to pull his anger back under control. It was rare that he let it get this far, and very rare that he actually threatened bodily harm on a Dark-Hunter. Taking a step back, he turned as Dom’s feet touched the floor.41
“Get to bed,” Ash said as he headed for the door. “I’ll be back at dusk.”42
~~~~~~~~~~~~~43
“I want to see Ash.”44
Savitar; immortal, god, surfer, and all around badass, looked at the woman who had spoken. “I know you do,” he said, struggling to hold on to his non-existent patience. “But now is not the time to do that.”45
“Why not?”46
“Because it’s not.”47
Tria Cavanaugh sighed in annoyance and turned from him. Looking out over the water that lapped at the beaches of the island of Neratiti, she sighed again. She had never, in a million years, thought she would ever feel like this over someone. But here she was, missing Ash with all she was worth, and nursing a strong desire to see him. 48
It had been a weird couple of days for her, and she didn’t quite know what to make of this place, her predicament, or even the man who claimed to have Ash’s best interest in mind. She took another look at Savitar. “He must be worried.”49
“He’s over the worry.”50
“He…what?”51
“You’ve been dead to him for a few months.”52
”Say wha?” Tria stared at him. “I’ve only been here for three days.”53
Savitar had the gall to smile at her. Charming as it was, she felt like punching him in his perfect mouth. As if reading her thoughts, he took a step back before speaking. 54
“You’ve been dead to him for a little over three months,” he clarified. “This island exists out of regular time. Acheron needs to come to terms with certain things before he can know that you’re still alive.”55
“You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?”56
He nodded, quite pleased with that assessment. “Thank you for noticing.”57
“When can I see Ash?” Tria asked with forced patience.58
Savitar stared at her. “I didn’t risk you, the future or,” he paused for a moment, “ Aiden’s life so you could push things ahead of schedule. Have some patience, and I guarantee that it will be done before you know it.”59
Tria turned and stormed away. A few week ago, everything had seemed so simple. She had been a Dark-Huntress, and her only goals were killing Daimon and Gallu. Then, in walked Acheron Parthenopaeus, and everything she had believed in went out the window. She had known Ash for thirty years, but this time, thing had been different.60
After her squire had been kidnapped and turned Gallu, Tria had been forced to kill her. Bitten in the fight, Ash had rendered the panicking Huntress unconscious, then saved her life. Afterwards, they had kissed, and although she knew they should stop, she continued with an extremely forbidden sexual affair with him. 61
Then, while rescuing a group of squire’s children, she had been betrayed by one of Ash’s friends, of all people, and brought to this mysterious island. Then, things started to get really weird. 62
The god, Savitar, had placed something burning against the double bow and arrow tattoo on the back of her neck, and had somehow returned her soul to her. It should have been impossible for him to do, since something like that as reserved for someone who truly loved a Hunter. Yet, he had been able to do it. 63
And now, the god had told her that it had been over three months since she ‘died’. But, to her, it had only been three days. 64
Wishing that the entire cosmos would just fuck off, she continued walking, heading for a large boulder that sat at the far end of the beach.65
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~66
Feeling like death warmed over, which in itself was an ironic sensation, Dominic got out of his car and headed for his usual haunt. It had been a restless day of sleeping, peppered with recurring nightmares and portions of just staring at the ceiling while his mind replayed images over and over.67
Not even the prospect of a casual game of chess was enough to lift him out of a foul mood that just got worse as the evening progressed. Ash hadn’t shown up at dusk, and Dom was both relieved and slightly pissed off at the treatment and attitude he seemed to be getting from the head Dark-Hunter. Although he himself liked to push the envelope and inconvenience people, Dom hated it when it was done to him. 68
“Evening Dom,” Angie said as he walked into the café. 69
“Hey,” he mumbled, heading straight for his usual seat, and nearly falling in to it. He sighed, and gave her a small smile as a cup of coffee was set in front of him. 70
“Problems?”71
“Hm?”72
She studied his features. “You look like a world of trouble landed on you.”73
“Guess so,” he muttered, not really wanting to talk to anyone, let alone someone that apparently needed him. He noticed a hurt look cross her face as she turned away, and he was tempted to just let her go. “Ang?” He waited until she turned around. 74
“Yeah?”75
His reply was cut off when the door opened to admit a customer that drew all eyes to him. Six foot eight, dressed in black leather with long black hair and a front brown stripe, he looked like danger incarnate. Dom’s eyes flicked to Angie to see her reaction…and to see if she would attempt to throw the newcomer out.76
Angie studied him for a brief moment before returning to Dom. “Friend of yours, I assume?”77
He winced at the sarcasm in her voice as she turned and walked away. Ash approached and slid easily into the set across from him. 78
“Evening, boss,” Dom said as he picked up his coffee. “In a better mood? Or are we going to continue with kicking Dominic’s ass?”79
“As enticing as that sounds…no, not really, but whatever… I’m here to discuss that ‘other’ issue.” He paused as a coffee was placed in front of him. “Thanks.”80
“You’re welcome,” Angie said, then walked away.81
“Other issue?” Dom asked, feigning ignorance. He watched as a lighter appeared in Ash’s hand. “There’s no smoking in here,” he said quietly.82
“I’m not planning on smoking,” Ash said, his thumb poised to flick down and strike fire.83
“Gotta go,” Dom said, standing.84
“Sit.” The tone was quiet, but there was no mistaking the order behind it. Ash waited until Dom returned to his chair. “We all have to do things that we don’t want to do, or would rather not do,” he said in the same quiet tone. “By your not doing what you need to do, you’re placing others at risk.”85
“I understand that,” Dom replied, his eyes never leaving the lighter. “Just put it away, okay?”86
Ash was tempted to flick the lighter and see what would happen, but a warning look in the other man’s eye made him pause. Although he wasn’t one of the more tightly wound Hunters, Dom could be completely unpredictable when it came to certain issues. For centuries, he had refused to live in any residence that had a fireplace, a huge complication in the years previous to enclosed cooking spaces. Campfires were out of the question, and even simple lighters could trigger an unexpected reaction at times. 87
Dom grabbed his coffee, finishing it in one large steaming gulp, then pushed his chair back and stood. He walked to the door, pausing long enough to say something to Angie as she was serving the customers in a booth, and then walked out into the cool night air. 88
Ignoring his car, Dom started to walk. He didn’t have any destination in mind; he just needed to put some space between him and Ash before the desire to pound the hell out of his boss got too strong to ignore. His jaw started to hurt from clenching, and he opened his mouth slightly as he silently cursed the other man. Using his own fears against him was something he hadn’t expected, but it seemed to fit right in with both his memories of Ash, and what he had been reading lately on the dark-hunter.com forum. 89
Four hundred and some years before, Ash had given Dom an ultimatum in no uncertain terms: he had to stop his over-eager killing, or Ash would stop it for him. Apparently, the big guy frowned upon seemingly innocent humans getting caught up in Dom’s Daimon killing. It didn’t matter that the humans had been Daimon servants. The fact was that Dark-Hunters were suppose to protect humans, and Dom wasn’t exactly living up to his end of the bargain, and that was pissing Ash off. 90
Dom had stopped hunting the Doulos, or human servants of Daimons, and Ash had left him alone. Then, recently, little posts had been popping up on the Hunter area of the dark-hunter.com forum, hinting at erratic behavior from the big guy. Since erratic behavior and Ash seemed to go hand in hand with each other, Dom dismissed the posts, mainly since most were from Zoe, the Huntress in Seattle. Since the Amazon had always held a strong dislike for Ash, and men in general, most took her words as her usual bitching of things. 91
But now, he had to wonder. His musings were pushed to the side as his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, he flipped it open. 92
“What?” 93
“One of the Weres that works downtown reported a group of Daimons,” his squire’s voice told him. 94
“Ah, good,” Dom said, “something to beat the shit out of, then kill.” He listened to the rest of the information, then realizing he was only a few blocks away, decided it would be easier to walk then go back for his car. 95
Although the Were-Hunters, in conjunction with Dark and Dream-Hunters, made up the Pyramid of Protection, a Triad of Hunters that was once promised to the humans as protection, they tended to keep to themselves mostly, only reaching out when it could benefit them. Since they were related to Daimons through their Apollite roots, they didn’t like to call in the Dark-Hunters unless they were being threatened on some level that they couldn’t control.
Not that it mattered to Dom. He just wanted something to kill at the moment, and Daimons were always welcome anytime, any day as far as he was concerned.96
~~~~~~~~~~97
After leaving the café, Ash returned to Katoteros to think. It was Friday night, and he was sitting in the throne room, staring at the marble floor. He had all intentions of going to see Aiden, but a part of him didn’t want to. What if she didn’t tell him what he wanted to hear? What if she told him the truth, and he reacted by killing her? Her death wasn’t one that he wanted to experience, and it had been hard enough lately to hold on to the anger without having something set him off completely. 98
He had been more physical than he had intended with Dom earlier that day, mainly because he’d let the sarcasm get to him. All he really wanted to know was why someone would not grab a chance to live a normal life. Then again, he really should have known better than to ask Dominic Olluein, a man that hadn’t even bothered to look for a relationship in the past thousand plus years. He would be happy until the end of time just killing Daimons and screwing the occasional stranger.99
Tria had knowingly pushed away her chance at security by making Ash promise that he would never seek her soul. He still regretted giving his word on that, but knew that she had been right on a level she didn’t know. If Ash asked for her soul, and Artemis refused, the he would have gotten mad. Then, Artemis would know that something was up, and either make sure the soul was forever unattainable, or hand it over, then destroy Tria. It was a slim chance of ever happening, but Ash knew that sometimes the most inconvenient things happened at the worst times…especially in his life. 100
It was basically a moot point now anyway, yet he still wanted to know why someone would intentionally pass up the chance. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he would grab the chance if it ever presented itself. Placing his existence on the line, depending on someone else’s love for him was about as scary as a thought that he had ever come up with. 101
He needed answers, and even if they weren’t the ones he was searching for, it would at least get this thought out of his mind. As Dom had put it, the warm and fluffy Ash waxing about love and life is rather disturbing. In the most extreme way possible. 102
Finally reaching a decision, he looked over at Simi as she lay on the floor on her stomach, watching the wall of televisions while munching on popcorn.103
“I’m going to Aiden’s.”104
Simi didn’t even look from her viewing. “If yous hurts her, Akri, then the Simi will be upset.”105
Ash looked suddenly wary. “Why would I hurt her?”106
“Because yous thinks that Aiden had something to do with Tria.”107
“Did she?”108
She finally looked at him. “How would the Simi know?”109
“Because Savitar talked to you before all this started, and asked that you not interfere with it on my behalf.”110
Simi gave him a smile that looked like she was struggling with some inner decision. “That was then, this is nows, and the Simi don’t want yous hurting Aiden.”111
~~~~~~~~~~~112
The Daimon was a little too quick to be the run of the mill garden-variety type that Dom usually encountered. There was also a little confusion with the blonde not going poof like usual when he was stabbed in the chest. Dom had just rebounded off a tree for the second time when it dawned on him that this might just be one of the Spathi Daimons that had vanished centuries ago, and were just now making a comeback. 113
Using the momentum of his fall to roll, Dom came up on his feet, and kicked out, hitting nothing but empty space where the Daimon had just been. Cursing, he ducked low, and spun, kicking out again and catching the Daimon in the knees and bringing him down before he could drive a rather long knife into him. 114
It had been far too long since Dom had fought a Spathi, and he suddenly remembered why he had been glad when they all but vanished from the Earth. This little bastard was too quick and too damned tough to just go down quietly.115
The other Daimons with this one had perished rather quickly, and Dom fleetingly wondered why one of the usual haughty Spathi was doing palling around with regular ol’ Daimons. Not that it really mattered at the moment while he was getting his ass thoroughly tossed around by the soul sucker. 116
He moved back quickly as the knife was thrust again, but the Spathi was quicker than anticipated, and Dom hissed as pain sliced through his shoulder. The pain was something he could handle, but the shirt was something else all together. Custom made in England, with a six-month waiting list, he had paid a veritable King’s ransom for it. Now, there was a knife sliced through it, with blood staining the fabric. 117
Before the Spathi could withdraw the blade, Dom took a step forward, driving the knife in even further, and quickly brought his free hand up. Slamming it against the face of his opponent, he felt cartilage shatter under his palm, and he steadied himself as his opponent was propelled back. 118
Blood poured from his nose and mouth as he glared at the Dark-Hunter, and he took a step forward again, going for the kill. In the fraction of seconds that it took him to reach Dom, the Dark-Hunter had reached up, pulled the blade out of his shoulder and continued on in a arc, bringing the knife straight across and through the Spathi’s neck. It wasn’t enough to kill, but it was more than ample to give Dom time to finish the job.119
~~~~~~~~~~120
Aiden Falconidae opened the door of her condo and tried to smile at the man that stood there, staring at her. He had an ultra-lethal look to his expression, and the air seemed to sizzle around his leather jacket. 121
Ash stepped in to the living room and stared at her expectantly. Even though they had known each other for over one hundred years, he still made her nervous to be around at times. Aiden swallowed timidly, then without word, reach out and grabbed his hand, allowing him access to her memories. Since she had perfect recall, Ash knew what he was seeing would be accurate, and he jerked as images flowed through him. 122
He saw and felt her initial anger at Savitar’s wanting her to kill Tria, and tried to pull his hand away from Aiden, but she held tight. The images and emotions went from indignant to intrigued, and then acceptance. He saw as she removed Tria from the cave, and then felt the guilt when she arrived back by herself. 123
Aiden stared at Ash as she opened herself up to him. She knew it was the only way to make him understand what had happened the past few months. 124
Ash closed his eyes as he saw Tria in the same room with Savitar and Aiden, and was tempted to stop there, but he needed to see the rest. He could feel Aiden’s nightmares and her crying over what she had done to him, and the comforting words that Savitar tried to give. Her guilt was apparent, and seemed to last to even now. She had hurt him, and she wept for him.125
Finally having enough, Ash pried her fingers from his hand, and glared.126
“You’re angry,” she finally said.127
“Disappointed,” he corrected her, surprising even himself. For some strange reason, he wasn’t mad at her. She did what she thought was right, and although it put him through hell, she suffered for her actions. “Why would you do that?”128
Aiden sighed. “It seemed like a good idea at the time. I’m sorry.”129
He opened his eyes. “I know. I want to see her. Now.”130
Nodding once, Aiden placed her hand on his arm and teleported them both to Neratiti, which was still floating outside of normal time. Savitar welcomed them with a stare, then pointed behind them.131
Ash turned, not ready for what greeted him. Tria sat on a rock, staring out into the ocean, with a sad look on her face. She suddenly stiffened, then slowly looked his way. Ash stood still as she jumped from the rock and ran to him, stopping a few feet away and returning his stare. 132
Aiden walked to Savitar, who gave her a kiss on the forehead and a small hug before vanishing with her. 133
“Ash?” Tria said quietly. Getting nothing but a blank stare in return, she inhaled raggedly, then turned to leave. Fine. He wasn’t as excited to see her as she was to see him. She refused to grovel or make a fool of herself. To her, she had only been gone for three days, but for him, more than three months had passed. He probably had moved on and she had to accept that.
134
This could be a problem, he thought as he watched her turn. When he assumed she was dead, he could allow his mind to live various fantasies where he mourned her, and a relationship that never could be. Now, with her alive, he had to face the fact that he just might have to walk away from her for good. He suddenly had some insight into the confusion that Savitar must have felt when he was contemplating the relationship with Aiden in the beginning, and he actually felt sorry for the surfer for the first time ever. Where Savitar had finally gone with his newfound heart on the matter, Ash knew he couldn’t follow that path. 135
He couldn’t have both Tria and Artemis, and he couldn’t have just Tria or Artemis. His heart wouldn’t let him turn his back on the Hunters and walk into the sunset with the woman he cared for. And his need for Artemis’ blood wouldn’t let him abandon the woman he hated more than anything in the universe. 136
For the first time ever, he felt completely and utterly screwed.137
Tria didn’t make it two steps before a hand caught hers, spinning her back. She looked at the chest in front of her, and raised her eyes to look into his face. He still had that oddly intense stare that seemed to burn straight through her, but somehow it was less intimidating than it had been.138
He raised a hand and ran it through her hair, closing his eyes at the silken feeling that seemed to caress his heart. He hadn’t wanted to hope that she was still alive, but some little part of him had refused to give up on the idea. 139
“You have beautiful eyes,” he finally said, noticing for the first time that they had returned to their original shade. 140
141
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Well done
Hi,
You're done a really good job here. Who wouldn't love a dark-hunter! You've used description really well, not too much for a dark-hunter read and not too sparse and the story line is one I would definitely be interested in reading.
Well done.
Now for this stuff.
15 & 21 I'm not the best at the differences between male and female word usage but I just can't imagine a man, especially a dark-hunter, using GEEZE or AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN, NO WAY, NO HOW." I don't know, I could be way off base here but it's my impression that those particular examples don't fit with your characters. I see those words more in line with female speak.
42 & 88 This may just be me too but on both occasions I felt. . . I don't know, as though you had finished before the finish. In 42, with Ash bringing Dom back with such force, why would he go through all that only to let Dom off the hook and tell him to go to bed? I guess I wanted more or at least an explanation. I wanted Ash to show some force (verbally, not necessarily physically) because that would kind of explain why he brought him back with such force. I hope that makes sense. It just seems with all that force being used to bring him back he wouldn't have let him off the hook so easily.
I had that same impression in 88. Ash, again with force, tells Dom to sit but then just allows him to leave (although I do understand the lighter reference.)
121 AT THE MAN THAT STOOD THERE. . . Just a grammatical thing, when referring to a person, always use "who" not "that."
121 AIR SEEMED TO SIZZLE AROUND HIS LEATHER JACKET This is something that is pretty standard when we are learning to write but it's our tendency to tell and not show (which I know I too am guilty of.) What does it look like when air sizzles?
Very interesting read. More please! Dark-hunters. . . shivers up the back.
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Thank you for such a great critique
I'll look at the parts you've mentioned, and perhaphs play around a bit to see if I can add to it without taking away from the overall impressions of the story. (AT THE MAN THAT STOOD THERE... dang... I thought I had all those fixed! I'm terrible with 'that/who/whom' at times.
)
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wow
the opening paragraphs are really good
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Love those two opening paragraphs
Oooh... moody Ash....
Tria? So soon? hmmmm... is this going to be a shorter story?
Angie? Interesting. Hmmm... very interesting.
Ash. Dude. Stop being a weenie.
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