"Don't leave me"

I feel so weak now, i'm numb, cold. God i'm so scared. Where is she? Where's my baby! Oh.. thats her hand, her warm hand on my cheek as my tears stream down them. Why can't I open my eyes? I want to see her face. Light! I see a light! Oh her eyes, her beautiful green eyes. No, no don't cry, i'll wipe your tears away. I can't move my hand! Why cant I move my hand? Baby, no don't leave me, come back, were are you going?1

My breath, it's getting so hard to breathe. I'll just, i'll close my eyes, only for a second, until my baby comes back...2

I hear her voice, it's getting closer. It hurts to smile, I want to smile. I want her to know i'm happy to be with her. 3

"Chris?" oh there's her voice again, please speak again, say my name again. The lights still bright, but I don't care, I can see her now. Wait no, why is she crying, baby please don't cry. Sweetheart, there's blood on you? Is that my blood? It is isn't it, I fell didn't I? god it's such a blurr to me. Oh baby, I didn't want you to ever see me like this, 4

"Don't leave me" her voice, its so shaky. Ouch, oh I have to stop trying to smile at her, I have to reply. Why wont words come out? No I have to tell her I love her. My voice, it hurts to talk, I have to keep trying. 5

It's just a whisper, but I hope she can hear it. The lights are to bright, I think i'll just close my eyes again, only for a moment, i'm so tired.6

"I love you too" I must be heaven, she's telling me over and over those three words, i've waited to hear them for so long. 7

Sleep, I just need to sleep. I'll be okay when I awake, and then I can see her face again, the face of an angel...

Author notes

hehe im just over the min word limit hehe

A contest entry

[= tell me the truth... is this okai?

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Comments


  • IntrepidFantasy Greeters member
    January 28, 2008

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    Wow! This was really good. I never have seen a point of view written like that of someone who's dying. It's so sad and the type of story that really drew me in.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    December 16, 2007

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    Touching

    I know that death is a natural phenomena but it is still tough on those left behind. Now we see it's tough on the dying.
    Good work again.

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • asthray.heart
    December 16, 2007

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    This was good, very sad for the fact it was his P.O.V of dying. How did he die?

    ~Ebb
    xoxo


  • PorSiempre
    December 16, 2007

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    Good

    I enjoyed the brevity of the story. It added to the tension. I thought that it was an interesting place to put a character and that you did it well. Good luck on the contest!