The screen glowed in front of him; the only sound in the room the ticking of the clock. It was two in the morning, but sleep wouldn't reach him any time soon. Sleep hadn't claimed him in awhile, but only he knew why, only he understood.
Author notes
Who knows, maybe this will be turned into more of a story.
A contest entry
- First Lines by werner1221.
145 points, ended December 24, 2007, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I realize that when writing something this short, there's no room to explain anything much. Usually the best microfiction (at least in my taste) solves this by choosing to hint of how things are, so the reader can fill out extra info in their head, or at least guess at it.
Here, though, you spend nearly 20% of your entire word count just marking a black box where all the information that didn't get told is hidden, namely the 'he' in the story. It's like you're saying the reader doesn't have the security clearence required for the rest of the story. -
mistakes. yes! there are mistakes. somehow you managed to, with in 3 sentences of writing, had mistakes. hahahahaha. but that doesnt take away from the very unsettling last two lines.
with the last line being borderline cliche, but somehow it still got to me. it was good. and your making this judging thing difficult
haha, thanks for entering.
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