I love you...1
Those three words2
I believed in them3
I still believe in them4
I believe in love5
God i'm trying6
I'm trying so hard not to give up...7
Why8
Why can't he show it9
Why does he make me feel like this10
Sad11
Unloved12
Unwanted...13
Like I should be happy he even says he loves me at all14
Oh god what am I gonna do15
I'm burning inside16
I just want to escape17
It hurts so much18
Tho I feel so numb19
I don't want to hurt him 20
But I don't know if I can live with this pain21
Maybe one day22
He'll read what i'm writing23
Maybe one day24
He'll read it all25
And then maybe he will understand26
Maybe he will know27
On that one day28
Why I did this29
Why I said sorry30
And why I said goodbye31
Maybe...
Author notes
*sigh*
[= tell me the truth... is this okai?
Comments
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Good
It is often easier to write emotions (I think) if you avoid rhyme. You gave a good flow in this style and the reader could move easily through the piece, focusing on the emotion.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Hmm well you need to work out which one, you didn't reply back to my "It's not a crush if use both like each other" thing. Just work it out, things like this are always good or emotions like this.
Great job.
~Ebb
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