Daniel's Story Chapter 2 REVISED

Chapter 21

It took a few moments for Daniel’s words to sink in, and when they did, Catherine wasn’t sure how to take them. 2

“What do you mean we’re being followed?” she asked, stopping. She still couldn’t tell if Daniel was joking. 3

“Don’t stop, keep walking, you’ll make him suspicious,” Daniel said, continuing on. His head was beginning to ache again. “You remember the guy that bumped into me earlier right?” he asked.4

Catherine thought for a second before saying anything. “You mean the guy wearing the red flannelled? Wait, you mean it’s him following us?” she asked, sounding more annoyed than alarmed. 5

“Yeah, that’s the guy,” he said seriously. “We’ll turn this corner and take another left to double back to my place. I’d rather him know where I live than where you live.”6

That thought alone caused Catherine to worry about the situation a little more. She couldn’t believe this was happening and hoped for the possibility that it could all be a misunderstanding. “Are you sure he’s following us?”7

“I’m sure enough to take precaution. I noticed him in the park, but I wasn’t sure if it was my eyes playing tricks on me or not. But then I saw him hide behind your neighbor’s house just as I spotted him again.”8

“Oh…” Catherine said in a rather high voice. Daniel noticed her trembling chin and glassy eyes. When they turned the corner he placed his hand on her shoulder.9

“Don’t worry, it’ll be alright. Take a deep breath for me and try to calm down. Panicking at time like this can only lead to disaster.” Catherine did as she was told, and they both noticed an improvement. Daniel smiled at her.10

He glanced back to check the success of their retreat and saw the man running at them full speed, only half a block behind. Daniel felt his heart sink and anger rise to take its place.11

“Run!” he shouted, taking Catherine by the hand. She dropped her bag and they were running as fast as they could. Daniel let go of Catherine’s hand as she began to pull ahead of him. He looked back and was glad to see that they were already leaving their pursuer behind. 12

When he turned around, he saw Catherine’s skirt disappear behind a corner to the right. Where is she going? He had to dodge to his left as he rounded the corner to avoid hitting Catherine. She was backing away, and Daniel discovered why. 13

He ran into what felt to be a wall and stumbled backwards. When he got a better look at it, he saw that it was no wall, but a man, and a huge one. He was wearing all black and had a long flowing cape hanging down to his feet. His face couldn’t be seen at all due to the large hood that was around his head.14

Daniel grabbed Catherine’s hand again and turned to leave the other way, but their path was blocked. Their chaser had finally caught up to them. He was an average sized man, but a bit lanky. Despite this though, he was well built and looked to have some strength behind him. His face was rough with what looked to be a three to four day old beard and his short brown hair had strands of gray here and there. His eyes found Daniel’s in a glare, crisp, electric blues, staring him down.15

Catherine squeezed Daniel’s hand, returning his attention to behind him. He turned to find the giant moving towards them and instantly, a blast of pain shot through his head, dropping him to his knees, screaming in pain. He grabbed his head as he fell forward, images of yellow eyes repeatedly flashing before his mind. 16

It only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like much longer. His head was still throbbing and he could hardly hear Catherine’s calls of concern.17

“Daniel! What’s wrong? Are you okay?” she asked desperately. Her eyes were red with tears, and she was shaking with anxiety. 18

Daniel stumbled to his feet and with his friend’s help, stood to face the giant standing in front of him. Catherine watched Daniel silently, but was completely puzzled as to what had happened.19

“What do you want?” he asked, his voice low but demanding. He waited for a few seconds but didn’t get a response. “What do you want?” his tone harsh this time.20

“We’re taking the girl,” a voice said from behind. 21

Daniel turned his head enough to see the man with his peripherals. “That’s not an option,” he said, almost lazily. He returned his attention to in front of him. 22

“Who do you think you are?!” the giant retorted angrily. “You don’t have any say in the matter.”23

Catherine moved closer to Daniel and wrapped her arm around his own.24

“Look at that boss, I think she’s scared.” 25

“Yes…” the giant replied in a sadistically low tone.26

“I think she’ll be great fun!” 27

The way these two men were speaking was leaving Daniel disgusted and furious.28

“How about we get this over with? Then we’ll have plenty of time to have our way with her before we have to kill her!” the man behind them suggested, licking his lips.29

Daniel looked down at Catherine and she looked up at him, her face wet with tears. His eyes widened as another wave of images and bursts of intense pain erupted in his head. He brought his hands back to his head to keep it from exploding as he cried out in agony.30

“Daniel! What’s wrong?!” Catherine sobbed. Daniel fell into the wall of the building and crumpled to his knees again. The pain was relentless this time. Images of Catherine kept coming before his mind and each brought with it waves of intense pain.31

“Daniel, talk to me!” Catherine pleaded. She placed a hand on his shoulder and turned him around. He was as pale as could be and his skin was cold and clammy. “Daniel?” he looked to be unconscious. 32

Daniel tried to say something, but Catherine couldn’t make out any of it. “What?” she asked. 33

“Help me up,” he said, louder this time. He noticed again that Catherine’s touch made the pain go away. It made the pain go away before as well.34

She wrapped one of his arms around her shoulder and hoisted him up. Once he was standing on his own, he pulled Catherine to him by the hand and held her close. She immediately began to blush. 35

“I won’t let them hurt you,” he whispered softly in her ear. “I swear it.”36

She wasn’t sure why, but she suddenly felt warm and safe nestled against Daniel’s chest. It was almost like a protective energy was coming from all about him. She wrapped her arms around his mid-section and hid her face in his chest, taking in his scent. “I trust you,” she whispered.37

Daniel’s strength was coming back to him at a remarkable rate and on top of that, he was realizing just how angry he really was.38

“I don’t know what kind of show you’re trying to put on boy, but it’s not going to work! Roy, grab the girl. We’ve wasted enough time already!” the giant roared.39

Roy stared at the young man standing before him and knew that something was different. It wasn’t something he could see, but he could definitely feel it.40

“What are you waiting for?” Daniel asked fiercely. The change in her friend’s voice made Catherine back away and look at Daniel, but he didn’t seem to notice. 41

“Now!” the giant yelled. “Grab her!”42

Roy lunged towards Catherine, but Daniel was in his way before he could get to her. Roy threw a punch at Daniel with his left fist and Daniel only just managed to dodge to the outside of it. He’s fast! Daniel threw a right hook at Roy, aiming for the side of his head, but he caught in his right hand, a grin in his eyes.43

Daniel noticed the giant shift his attention to Catherine and a surge of adrenaline flooded his system. In a flash his elbow was making full contact with the side of Roy’s head, sending him face first into the wall. Daniel grabbed Catherine’s hand and took off. 44

His mind was racing. Taking them back to my house now would be a bad idea, especially now that we know what they want. 45

“Daniel?”46

He looked over his shoulder and saw that Catherine was watching him. “What is it?”47

“Are you alright?” she asked.48

“Yeah, I’m fine. Come on!”49

Why am I fine though? What’s more, why was the pain there to begin with? There were so many questions in his head; he could hardly stay focused on running.50

“Daniel! That creep’s right behind us!”51

Another glance back confirmed it. Damn it, why? He turned another corner and saw a long line of people. They were back at the theater. 52

“Get out of the way!” Daniel shouted. He ran right into them, pushing them out of the way the best he could.53

“What the hell?!” a man yelled furiously, standing with some of his friends.54

“Yeah,” another bellowed. “Watch where you’re going, faggot!”55

Daniel ignored their shouts of anger, continuing to push his way through. After they got out, the young man looked back again to see how the giant was fairing with the crowd, but saw no sign of him. Did we lose him? 56

The man in black appeared from no where, jumping over the entirety of the crowd. 57

“You’ve got to be kidding!” Daniel exclaimed. The mere fact that a man that size jumped the crowd was astonishing enough, but the fact that they seemed completely oblivious to it was what confused the young man most.58

When he turned around, a semi-truck had just stopped in front of them. Without thinking, he made a left into a dark alley. Why does all of this seem so familiar?59

With every step they took, there was a small splash that reverberated off of the damp walls. All around them, the ground was littered with trash. The dumpsters were over flowing and the fire escapes hung dangerously overhead, full of decay and rust.60

The young man noticed that with every step, his legs burned from the exertion and every breath he took of the mold scented air left his throat and lungs searing in pain. He looked over their shoulders and saw that the giant was still right behind them. Daniel could not believe that a man so large could run so fast and move so deftly. 61

They made another left into a darker, smaller sub-alley, and to his disbelief, found himself face-to-face with a dead-end. Panic started to fill his being as he searched for some means of escape, but he found nothing but rotting trash.62

He turned around, pulling Catherine behind him. “Stay…behind me,” he panted, holding out both arms. The giant of a man rounded the corner and stopped once he saw the kids were cornered to catch his breath. “If you see a chance to get a way,” Daniel continued. “Take it, regardless.”63

“But,” Catherine began objectively. 64

He didn’t let her finish though. “No!” he yelled. “You run!”65

Catherine’s vision in the dimly moonlit alley began to blur as tears built up behind her eyes again. 66

“Daniel…” She whispered sadly.67

“I’m sorry it ended up like this.” he continued. “This wasn’t exactly what I had planned for today.” 68

They could hear their pursuer chuckle to himself at the end of the alley. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that boy?” the giant growled. “All you’ve done though, is piss me off, so now, the girl’s just going to get it ten times worse than before. You’ve really made this night hell for her. Be glad it’ll be her last!” 69

“Try it!” Daniel warned violently.70

He heard Catherine crying behind him. She had moved closer to him and was now hugging him from behind. “I’m not leaving you,” she cried. “I love you.” She spoke the words no louder than a whisper, but the words rang in Daniel’s ears and it was the only thing he heard.71

Laughter filled the air. “Love?!” the giant bellowed. “Such a useless emotion! It makes me sick!”72

The giant’s laughter ceased when he saw the look in Daniel’s eyes. Of all the things he would have expected to see in the young man’s eyes, he wasn’t ready for tears.73

Daniel clenched his fists as tightly as he could as tears fell freely from his face. “It’s not fair!” 74

“Life is never fair Daniel, but you’ll find that sometimes, it gives you a second chance.”75

“What?” he asked, almost in disbelief as he looked around for the source of the voice.76

“My name is Lyle,” the giant said. “And I’ve been sent to test you and take you back to The Throne. But before all of that, I was your father’s friend and your friend as well.”77

“You’re an idiot if you think I’m going to believe that,” Daniel spat. 78

Lyle pulled the hood down from around his head and revealed a broad, weathered face with many wrinkles around his eyes and across his forehead. He had a full head of snow white hair, but most noticeable were his eyes. They were an energized yellow, and seemed to glow in the darkness of the alley. “I’m sorry that you don’t feel you can trust me, but I assure you, you’re in no danger at all, and never were. Roy and I had to make the situation seems a real as possible for the purest results.”79

Catherine was watching Lyle from behind Daniel. She came to Daniel’s side and held his arm close to her. “All of those things that you said,” she began. “They were disgusting and despicable. Even if I wanted to trust you, I couldn’t right now. This night will haunt me for a long time!” she said, tears falling from her eyes. 80

Lyle got down on one knee and bowed before them. “You have my sincerest apologies Miss Catherine, but again, we had to make the situation seem as real as we could. We needed real results.”81

“Results for what?” Daniel asked suspiciously.82

“With time, Daniel,” Lyle said standing again. “First, we must go. This isn’t the time or the place for this conversation. I need to talk to your mother as well.”83

“My mother?” 84

“Yes Daniel, I have news about your father. I’m sure Kate will want to know.”85

Things weren’t making any sense. How does this man know so much about me and my family? And what does he know about my father?86

“Please, come with me. I need to grab Roy before we head to your house,” Lyle said. He turned to leave, but the teens didn’t move from where they were standing. “I swear to you that you can trust me.”87

“Those are merely words. It’ll take more than that for me to trust you!” Daniel said.88

“Yet it took “merely words” for you to loathe me as you do.” Lyle said with a smile. “Trust must begin with trust,” he turned and disappeared from the entrance to the dead-end that Daniel and Catherine were standing in. 89

“What do you think?” Catherine whispered, looking up at Daniel.90

He thought for a moment. “I don’t know, but I don’t really think we have a choice but to trust him right now,” he grabbed Catherine’s hand and lead the way out of the alley. That, and I want to know what news he has of my father. Daniel had to admit that he didn’t know what to think right now, but something was telling him that, at least for the time being, things would be okay.91

Author notes

A lot has changed in this chapter as well. As I was reading over the last draft I posted, I felt that it was toned down a little too far. I've had who Daniel is and what all is going to be happening in my mind for a while now, but it's all only now beginning to really show! Let me know what you think!

Again, this is fresh off me brain so be sure to point out all of those errors you find! I look these chapters over every now and then but I know I don't find all of the typos! I hope you enjoy the read!

Just let me know what you guys think.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • legnA-livE
    June 23
    Edit | Reply
    thats really kool!! keep it up!!!!


  • Glitflyer
    June 23
    Edit | Reply
    Sweet!! And so realistic.. Great one


  • Valkyrie silver member
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awww, how sweet. And a bit creepy, with the test idea. If I were Catherine, I'd so kick Lyle upside the head when he was kneeling in apology!
    You write Daniel very well; he is going to be a great hero for your story. He's well-prepared, alert, and react quickly. Also, being young, handsome and protective doesn't hurt either.
    One point on capitalization: even if a quote by a character is a complete sentence in and of itself, it's still part of a larger sentence, like here:
    “What do you think?” She asked, still pretty shaken up.
    The "She" should actually not be capitalized, there:
    “What do you think?” she asked, still pretty shaken up.
    I saw more examples of this in this chapter, but I'll just use this as an example.
    Otherwise, I think IrishYndina covered it as far as details.
    Great chapter, in a great story!

  • Kalamina
    July 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You did a great job keeping up the speed and flow asa they were chased the whole way, you kept me interested and everything moved well, however there are some delays that aren't very natural, each time Daniel turns to talk to Catherine, it takes so long, and in reality, "bad guys" wouldn't be doing that, but then again, they were only testing him, so that changes everything. great continuation!


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    February 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Why is Daniel so paranoid? *laughs* "You know, evaluating me, checking to see if I was a threat." Does the kid watch too many spy movies or something? This was good - you kept up a great pace for a chase scene! And instead of answering some of those burning questions you left us with in the last chapter you made them even more maddening! *laughs* I want to know what's going on! I suppose that means I'll have to read more...

    A general suggestion that you can feel free to ignore 110% if you would like...it seems to me that most people don't pay enough attention to body language. You have good dialogue, but body language can make it even better - plus, your characters can say things without ever SAYING things, right? Something to think about, anyways. *shrugs*

    And, as before, a list of things I picked up while browsing.

    * Ok, so here's the thing about dialogue punctuation...(pardon me while I slip into my teacher persona). Dialogue is generally broken into two kinds of quotes: those with some kind of a "he/she said" statement and those without. If a quotation is followed by a "he/she said" statement, you don't end the sentence in the quotes with a period, but instead with a comma, and don't capitalize the next letter. For instance: "That's him," he said. The exception is exclamation or question marks - they are never turned into commas, but the "he/she said" statement is still now capitalized. For instance: "Daniel!" she screamed loudly. The second kind of dialogue doesn't have a "he/she said" statement, and this treats the sentence in the quotation marks and whatever sentence comes after it as two separate sentences, with their own punctuation and capitalization. For example: "We need to go." He said this with a trace of fear in his voice, and Catherine knew he was serious. Notice that this version of dialogue can still have the words "he said" in it, but that the bit after the quotation marks is a complete sentence in and of itself - it's not a fragmented part of the sentence before. Hope that makes sense! (Abandons teacher persona in a convenient dumpster). Now...I won't waste either of our time commenting on dialogue punctuation any more, and I'll try not to get too teacherish! *laughs* Maybe that speil will even be helpful!

    * Para 4: "red flannel" - no "ed" ending is needed on flannel.

    * Para 6: "that he's following us?" - I believe this could use a question mark...yes?

    * Para 12: Recheck the semicolon here...

    * Para 28; "girl's body" should have that possessive apostrphe in there.

    * Para 44: "he started in amusement" - this is not technically wrong in any way, but it seems a bit oddly-worded. *shrugs* Maybe it's just me!

    * Para 50: Is the fist sentence here direct thoughts from Daniel? You could put them in single quotes ('these') to help distinguish them from regular text, if you wanted... In other paras as well? Just a thought.

    * Para 60: I could be wrong, but I think "overflowing" is one word.

    * Para 61: "mold-scented" should be hyphenated, since it is a single two-word adjective.

    * Para 80: "fatherly heir" - I believe you mean "air," since it doesn't appear that anyone is inheriting anything. *laughs*


  • IntrepidFantasy Greeters member
    February 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow what a turn of events in this chapter. Now I'm really anxious to read more and see just why they won't Daniel and Catherine for. The descriptions were amazing in this. The whole chase scene was so realistic I never would have guessed that it was a staged one. Loved the twist on that!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Prodigious.Mirth
    December 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    gito *_&

    freaking strange but thats what I like all that pressure that harm all the threats and the death floating in the air, it was slighlty confusing in some part, that mught be the vodka speaking tho from my hangover so bare with me.. this was another great peice....


    I could really feel the hot pain of pursuit as they ran.....

    Love Blair ...goes to read more


  • Krazy Scott
    December 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I smell the scent of 'destiny'

    ...It's kind of like the scent of Polo, only a bit muskier. *laughs* Another good read, and I began to be suspicious of the 'man in black' early on because the two main characters were given so much time to talk about thier feelings in the face of imminent danger. Were he really as evil as he had stated, he wouldn't have given them that much time.

    I like it, and await the next installment with only slight impatience...

1 - 8 of 8