Copyright © 2005, by Lou Berg, all rights reserved. 1
Author’s Note2
This is segment 1.
Last revised: 12/27/20073
Prologue4
Alto entered his father’s study quietly, so as not to disturb his reading.5
Craig looked up and smiled. “Come on in son and make yourself comfortable.”6
Alto dropped into a chair that appeared beneath him.7
Setting aside the report he had been reading, Craig faced his son. “You and I have been assigned the task of resuming a project that was begun by our ancestors over fifty thousand years ago.”8
“Wow! Talk about not getting around to things,” Alto laughed.9
Craig grinned. “Well, they took their time getting to the point where we could continue. Do you remember the story you were taught as a child, about the missing expeditionary team?”10
The smile on Alto’s face was replaced by a serious expression, “The heroes of one of our early trips into space.”11
“Their technology seems to have advanced to the point where we must begin guiding them.”12
Alto’s eyes became bright as he struggled to control the excitement and apprehension this news implied.13
Craig continued. “They are too far away for us to use a shuttle so we'll have to use telepathic methods to communicate with them. We have finally found a candidate for a point of contact. It’s a young boy and my colleagues have convinced me that making contact with him would be a good first assignment for you."14
Alto replied, “Great but … well, I know it’s a true story but it seems a bit unreal after all this time.”15
Craig nodded. “I know so I’ll start by reviewing the history for you. Then, you and I will work up a plan for communicating and virtually transporting the boy here for training.”16
Craig sat back in his chair, looked up at the ceiling and began the tale of the missing expedition. "When our technology reached the point where we could reliably travel in space, we began to send exploration teams throughout the galaxy, searching for other intelligent civilizations. We found quite a number of them but no other humans. 17
“Then, the messages sent back to the home planet from one of the ships suddenly stopped. Several rescue expeditions were sent to the area the ship was in when last heard from but no sign of it was found. Finally, hope was lost that we would find the team and the search was abandoned. To commemorate their sacrifice, the story of the missing expedition was passed along from one generation to another as part of our people’s history.”18
“I remember my teachers telling and retelling the story,” said Alto.19
“They wanted to be sure the story was deeply embedded in the memory of our people. We never really gave up on the idea of someday finding out what happened to those brave souls. Finally, after over ten thousand years had passed, another expedition found a planet containing human beings, the first discovered. At that time, its people were little more than wild animals hunting through the savannahs of their planet, which they now call Earth. We found that their DNA matched that of the members of the missing expedition. Since there was little left of the ship and its contents, the materials and other resources necessary to support our technology was not present on the planet. As a result, succeeding generations had regressed to a primitive state and their culture and technology was just beginning to move forward again when our team found them.”20
“Did we make contact with them?” Alto asked.21
“Not really, it was decided to wait until their culture had evolved enough to deal with an advanced civilization. Only enough contact was made to collect DNA and other physiological samples. These and artifacts found on the planet convinced our investigators that these people were the descendents of the missing ship’s survivors. Even this limited contact caused problems. They could not understand who these strange visitors were. In some cases, they took them to be gods.”22
“Wow, I can see why we would back off,” said Alto.23
"Yes, dealing with them was, and is, a delicate matter. While it was within our power to bring them technologically up to speed quickly, it was recognized that a species must evolve slowly, so as to resolve its aggressions before acquiring the higher technologies that could make them dangerous to themselves ... and others. 24
“Over the years, we have visited the planet periodically to see how evolution of their culture was progressing. Our most recent visits found that they had begun to utilize nuclear energy. Unfortunately, their culture has been developing along very aggressive lines and that has influenced the direction of their technological development. They are very close to the point where their weapons are becoming powerful enough to destroy the planet before their culture matures enough to protect them from this. The imbalance in the rates of development of culture and technology may be why we have found no other advanced civilizations of the human species. Our own history is proof that this does not always have to occur but the risk is high. We hope to avert this disaster by covertly influencing the direction of their technological development.”25
Craig paused, looked directly at Alto, and said, “You now have the task of communicating with the person who will be our point of contact with Earth. This is a milestone in our history and theirs.”26
Alto, his expression also serious, inquired, “What if they use what we teach them to make war on each other?”27
“We will have to do our best to see that they don’t blow themselves up before their culture develops beyond that stage. This will be no easy task since they are now divided into different countries, races, and religions. Our responsibility encompasses all of them so we can’t take sides in their conflicts. At the same time, we must allow them to resolve their own affairs if they are eventually to reach maturity as a species. Our hope is to feed them technology that is much more easily applied to improving their quality of life than the power of their weapons.”28
“What if we don’t succeed?” replied Alto.29
Craig shook his head, sadly. “They would not be the first people whose technology advanced to the point where they destroyed themselves and their planet before their culture had time to mature enough to control their technology. We must do everything possible to avoid that, they are after all our own ancestors.”30
Craig’s expression became painfully grim as he added, “However, we have a responsibility to the other civilizations of our galaxy to insure that the damage caused by the people of Earth is limited to their own planet.”
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Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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a very interesting concept. Since i have not read the other prologue i would stick to this one as it really is great!
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Much Better
I thought this part was well done and written much better than the last one I read.
Is this written for a certain segment of the population, like teen or pre-teen? Just curious.
JJ
beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 2.
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JJ,
Thanks for the comments.
Yes, this was originally written for teenagers. It also seemed to be well received by adults so I am leaving it up to the reader to decide its level.
Lou
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This is a very interesting and original concept. Hooray for originality! I would have expected that a conversation that was basically all explanation would bore me, but I remained interested the whole time.
Love the line, 'talk about not getting around to things'. Lol! Good sense of humor. I'll definitely read more ^^ -
The holidays are over time to get back to work.
Previously read and commented.
The holidays are over time to get back to work.
Geri
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A very interesting concept that will make for some logical plotting.
Great! Best one yet.
So we are the ancestors of an expeditionary crew who crashed on Earth.
When this advanced species discovered their DNA in our race of Cavemen they decided to allow them to mature naturally on the new planet.
A very interesting concept that will make for some logical plotting.
This version of the prologue is short and active. A fun read. It gives the reader a glimpse into the plot without explaining too much. The writing is clear and the characters are visible.
One goof.
We found that their DNA matched that of the the (remove one the) members of the missing expedition.
Thumbs up,
Geri
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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HI Geri,
I can't find my response to your comment on Prologue 2 so I'll repeat it.
Thanks for the read. I eliminated the extra "the."
It's funny. No matter how satisfied you are with a version, someone comes along and punches a hole in it. Even funnier, how you then come up with a still better version.
Have a Happy New Year. If it is a party, Happy Hangover.
Lou
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Personally I think the other prologue was better, though this was not a bad effort.
I think it strange to suggest that species of "humans" would evolve on separate planets. If similar species did evolve they may look human, but wouldn't be called human.
Another point that didn't appeal to me was the idea that the two different "human" species could interbreed. It would be unlikely (virtually impossible) that two different races could interbreed. Even in this unlikely event that the two species could interbreed, I would think it unlikely that an advanced culture would chose to do so with stinky primitive beings.
I know these are purely academic points, but I feel for a reader such as myself they would detract from your overall story.
Last point - "Perhaps their technology reaches a level that permits them to totally destroy themselves before their culture matures enough to prevent this from happening." - I felt this theme was overstated and repeated too many times in such a short piece of writing. -
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Jimmy,
I'm surprised that you did not like the alternate prologue; I thought I had improved it. I won't debate the points you made about interbreeding of sub-species as I wasn't all that specific about how far apart the two species were. I guess I will have to read up on the transitions between the various types of human-like creatures that have taken place on Earth; did these develop one from another or from entirely different sources?
I will give some thought to abandoning the interbreeding theme entirely and instead use the idea of a shipwrecked species having to give up its advanced materials dependent technology, going primitive after a few generations, but in time becoming the dominant species and developing a new technology more suited to the materials available on the planet.
I agree that I overdid the culture versus technology issue and I will try to revise that.
Thanks for the insightful comments.
Lou
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Oh, did you mean us humans and Alto's people originate from the same species? If this is the case then it is possible, as long as the two groups hadn't yet speciated, that they could still interbreed.
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What do you think of the changes made in the prologue between versions 1 and 2?
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Well thought out. I do like it! Some little itches I found and want to point out.
The third sentence where the chair "appeared" does that just happen in that world or what? Please explain.
Just a little thing for you to keep in mind is that most of your dialog with Alto (cool name by the way) you say asked. Try some different words, questioned, inquired, etc.
Another little thing, I can't imagine Alto. You could add some little details of him and his surroundings in there.
I love the story and how you wrote it. I want to read more! Keep it up!
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Coffee Cat,
The furniture appears when needed in this world.
I took your suggestion about not overusing asked.
Thanks very much for the read and comments.
Thirteen segments of the story have been posted so far. I will post more when more people read all the way to the last one. The reading order is in the Jimmy Beckman list on my page.
I hope you will read the other segments.
Lou -
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Ah, I sort of guessed that from just what the world seemed to be. Keep up the amazing writing and I will go and read some of your other segments!
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Very thoughtful insights in the world as it is today. Nice work!
I would definetly like to read more of this.
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Better
I think this is a better story line, making the subsequent chapters more meaningful. Paragraph 25 seems a bit heavy on "adult" theme detail. I think you could make it a little lighter for the younger audience. Also, the first sentence of paragraph 24 might benefit from commas for the "and is" sub-clause.
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Thanks for the comments.
I have inserted the commas as you suggested.
So long as it is clear to the average young adult, I am holding off on modifying paragraph 25. I may have too high an opinion of teen reader comprehension and if I become convinced of that, I will try to simplify it.
Lou
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p14, 'candidate for a point of contact'
I think it is very good. If you would like, I'll approach an agent I've talked with in the past, Elizabeth Evans with Reece Halsey North and ask if they will consider your novel. You'll need a cover letter with a brief biography, a synopsis and the first fifty pages ready to send them. They may let you email it, but snail mail although slower is more efficient.
Andy
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Andy,
Thanks for the suggestion. I have modified paragraph 14.
I responded to the rest of your comments separately. -
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Hmm.
I just noticed that you are still tagging this story with an age restriction. I think that hurts its selling potential. Let the editors and agents determine the reading audience. I find it interesting and enjoyable. I consider myself a person with a sixteen year old heart in a 54 year old body. Many of your readers are adults and they like your story. Don't limit yourself.
If someone reads that it is suppose to be for a younger reader, you prepare them to be disappointed. If a younger reader thinks it is for an older reader, they are more interested. You'd be surprise how many kids want to read adult material on this site.
They are allowed to read adult material at 15 at Storywrite.
Just some things to consider.
Andy -
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Andy,
I have removed the age restriction.
Lou
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