Stressed S5 Episode 2 - Tea and Biscuits Anyone?

Episode 2 – Tea and Biscuits Anyone?1

PREVIOUSLY – Sweep and Egbert returned to Port Talbot. Egbert said he was leaving in one week to live in France. Sweep shut the door in Baz and her parent’s faces basically telling them she doesn’t forgive them!2

In an attempt to gain Sweep’s forgiveness her parents organize a dinner party. They invite Baz, Egbert, Glynn and even Sweep’s enemy Carrie. But the catch is that they haven’t told Sweep that it’s taking place. It doesn’t seem like it will be a happy and friendly dinner party!!3

Rehab by Amy Winehouse plays4

We are in Sweep’s house.5

Carol –“Sweep come down for dinner!”6

Sweep comes down the stair and then Baz, Egbert, Glynn and Carrie appear.7

Sweep –“What are you guys doing here? I’m not going anywhere!!”8

Carrie –“Oh god it’s one of those interventions isn’t it, what did you do this time nutcase!?”9

Carol –“Oh no, it’s no intervention just a nice dinner party!”10

Sweep –“Dinner party?”11

Robert –“A dinner party!!”12

Egbert –“Can we eat then please because this is really awkward!” 13

Glynn elbows Egbert.14

Egbert –“What it is!”15

Robert –“Come on then let’s all take a seat!”16

Grandma’s Hands by Paddy Casey plays.17

Everyone is sat round the table, there is silence.18

Carrie –“So I’m a vegetarian so is there any sausages?!”19

Glynn –“That’s meat!”20

Carrie –“Oh, just making conversation!”21

There is another spell of silence.22

Carol –“So boys have any of you got any girlfriends!?”23

Baz laughs and spits water out of his mouth.24

Carol –“Don’t be rude, we know you do, are little son in law?!”25

Baz –“WHAT?!”26

Sweep –“We aren’t even going out anymore!”27

Baz –“Were not, that’s the first I’ve heard!”28

Sweep –“Well maybe when you decided to help ship me off you should have gotten the message.29

Robert –“Okay let’s calm down, so Glynn, Egbert any girls in your life!”30

Egbert –“Well actually I’m …”31

Sweep –“Could I see you for a second Egbert? In the hall!”32

Egbert –“Okay”33

They both walk out into the hall.34

Egbert –“What?!”35

Sweep –“Well it’s just my parents are a tad …”36

Egbert –“A tad what?!”37

Sweep –“Well homophobic!”38

Egbert –“What? How do you know?!”39

Sweep –“Well once as a joke I said I was a lesbian and my mother immediately drove to a church and my father had small but scary melt down!!”40

Egbert –“Oh right so I’m not gay, gotcha!”41

He winks at her and they walk back into the kitchen.42

Carol –“So Egbert as you were saying!”43

Egbert –“Her names Susie and she’s terrific, great breast!”44

Sweep stares at Egbert in disgust.45

Carol –“Oh … lovely!”46

Robert –“Sweep would you go and grab some milk for me!?”47

Sweep walks to the fridge.48

Carol –“And you?”49

Glynn –“Well I’m gay!”50

Sweep drops the milk.51

Carol and Roberts’s faces drop.52

Sweep punches Glynn. She laughs.53

Glynn –“What?!”54

Sweep –“You are the biggest joker ever!”55

Robert –“Oh good didn’t want any gays eating at my table!”56

Glynn –“Excuse me!”57

Carrie claps her hands.58

Carrie –“This is great!!”59

Carol puts her hand on her head.60

Robert –“Are you okay darling?!”61

Carol –“Oh yes it’s just a headache!”62

Glynn –“What do you mean, I am gay and I am now offended!!”63

Robert –“You’re gay?!”64

Carol –“You’re gay?!”65

Egbert –“Yes!”66

Sweep –“Oh for the love of god!!”67

Carol/Robert –“You as well!”68

Egbert/Glynn –“Yes I am!”69

Baz –“Okay …”70

What Were the Chances by Damien Jurado plays.71

Carol –“You mean happy?”72

Egbert –“No”73

Glynn –“Well I’m both!”74

Carol/Robert –“Oh well sweep maybe you should watch who you hang around with!!”75

Sweep –“I’m sick of you both, I hate you, leave me out for dessert!”76

She storms out.77

There is silence once again at the table.78

Baz –“I’ll go after her!!”79

Egbert –“I’m leaving”80

Glynn –“Me too!”81

Carrie –“I’ll gladly stay and help clean up!!”82

Egbert, Baz and Glynn leave. Carrie and Sweep’s parents start cleaning up.83

Egbert –“that was the worst night of my life!!”84

Glynn –“I know!!”85

Baz –“I’ll go and see Sweep!”86

Fix You by Coldplay plays.87

Carrie –“That was nice!”88

Robert –“Yeah!”89

Carol suddenly collapses.90

Robert –“What’s wrong?!”91

Carrie –“Oh my god!”92

We now cut to Baz and Sweep. They are at there old school.93

Baz –“Sorry about that!”94

Sweep –“Really?!”95

Baz –“Yeah”96

Sweep turns to Baz.97

Sweep –“Don’t you know you’re a part of it, you’re not so innocent!!”98

Baz’s mobile rings.99

Baz –“Hello”100

Baz –“Carrie is everything …”101

Baz –“God, yeah okay we’re coming!!”102

He hangs up.103

Sweep –“What’s wrong!?”104

Baz –“it’s your mom!”105

Sweep –“Is she okay?”106

Baz –“No, she’s in the hospital, it’s not good!”107

Sweep looks stunned.108

The episode ends.109