A Day In The Life Of A Disasterous Chef...(a true on-going story)

A Day In The Life Of A Disasterous Chef1

11/15/07: The Pumpkin Bread That No One Could Eat: Grade F2

So, I thought I would make some pumpkin bread, and every time I make it, it feels like slightly solidified pudding. I use cinnamon, nutmeg, canned pumpkin, flour, eggs, butter, sugar...but I think that perhaps I am not supposed to use a whole can of pumpkin. I shall have to experiment further, but on this specific day, this pumpkin bread was rendered inedible even by the children of Ethiopia.3

11/20/07: The Chocolate Chip Cookies That I Couldn't Bring To The Potluck: Grade C4

I thought I would be a team player at work and whip up a batch of Toll House chocolate chip cookies. Well, the cookie dough was beautiful, and I of course had to nibble a piece to taste test it, and it was heavenly. 5

Then came the baking part.6

The first batch, I baked for about 12 minutes like the recipe stated, then I saw that the cookies were mushy, so I put the tray back in for about four more minutes and then they were burnt.7

odd.8

So I tried the second batch and the same thing.9

Then, the sudden realization that cookies are actually SUPPOSED to be a bit mushy when coming out of the oven before they firm up hit me like a sack of bricks and I was able to refrain from my impulse to overcook baked goods and produce twelve delicious cookies from what would have been 36.10

I brought the cookies to the potluck, but I was ashamed and had to buy a box of chocolate chip cookies to cover my homemade ones.11

11/21/07: Turkey Run: Grade C12

Turkey Run 13

I thought I was in luck as I grabbed what appeared to be the last turkey from the meat department. In my zeal, I bought way too much food to be able to safely pedal home on my bike. I had to put half of the load in Eric's car and the other half was distributed into my apron, my coat pockets and whatever I could stuff into the basket. At one point, I had nearly resolved to ride this way with a carrot clenched between my teeth. With the help of a girl named Jill, I was able to pack everything in such a way as to look like I was shoplifting.14

My hands were so chapped with the wind that my knuckles were starting to crack and bleed, and my legs were tired and sore and just as chapped at my fingers. But I managed to get home in one piece only dropping the butter once.15

So I come through the front door and start unloading my groceries and preheating the oven only to discover that my turkey wasn't a turkey at all...but a chicken.16

I figured that a bird was a bird, so I set to work plotting his demise which would lead to him being the star of our Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. I turned off the oven out of habit when I finished cooking that bird in between thirty minute naps and a battle of making mashed potatoes with too few potatoes...and a fork masquerading as a potato masher.17

At last, it was time for the apple pie. I put it in the oven and then I dozed off. Upon awakening, I thought that the house would have perhaps burned down, so I rushed to the kitchen only to realize the pie hadn't been cooking at all since I had turned the oven off and forgot to turn it back on. I ammended this and fixed up a fantastic already-made-ready-to-pop-into-the-oven apple pie.18

11/22/07: Turkey Run Part2: Grade C+19

So, things were all working out according to my ultimate design...except that I found that our roommates were not going to be somewhere else for Thanksgiving, and I ended up buying more potatoes and a chunk of ham. Now, I've never cooked ham, and I learned today that if you cook ham on a cheap 12 dollar cookie sheet then it is likely to totally ruin your cookie sheet. and bend it into a twisted pretzel...yet the ham tasted pretty okay! (a little tough in some spots, but still edible!) 20

When I discovered that our microwave was broken, I thought I would put the bird in the oven to reheat it...which was a horrible idea 'cause I burned the bird on the outside.21

Eric helped me mash the new potatoes which turned out better than the old ones, though still a bit lumpy.22

Overall, Thanksgiving was fun and I didn't hear anyone giving up their dinners to the porcelin god...so I suppose I could chalk this experience up as a success.23

11/25/07: The Casserole That Could: Grade A+24

I made the most awesome casserole today. I boiled some brown rice, steamed some broccoli, sauteed some salmon, then layered these with swiss and muenster cheese and baked them in a casserole dish. The result was a very delicious casserole and I am most definiately pleased with it. The only thing is that brown rice takes so much longer to cook than white rice.25

12/02/07: Lasagna Love: Grade A+26

It isn't nearly as good as the one my mom makes, but it is my first lasagna, and it is so delicious that it isn't getting to stay long in the refridgerator. I think I have redeemed myself from those horrible burnt cookies and that Eric won't be so afraid to try the next thing I try cooking up. I love this lasagna! And it is easier to make than I expected.27

12/11/07: Return of The Cookies...Pancake Cookies: Grade D28

I just had to try to make those dratted cookies. I couldn't stand the fact that they got the best of me before, so I had to march back in there to beat them into submission. Well, they taste alright and certainly aren't burnt, but they are kind of sticky when you put them together and they are the texture of a pancake no matter how long I bake them for. Hmm...Eric bought me some pre-made cookie dough. I wonder if he's trying to say something?29

12/12/07: Two And A Half Times Baked Potatoes: Grade A30

All I did was wash some russet potatoes and cut them in half, wrap them in foil and bake on 400 degrees for forty-five minutes. Afterwards, I scooped out the "meat of the potato" and left the skins in good condition. I mashed the potato that I stole and mixed it with butter and sour cream and chunks of bacon...then I put in the potato mix back into the skins kind of like the whole deviled egg idea. With smoked gouda cheese I topped the taters and baked for about ten to fifteen minutes. I didn't eat them all, so most will be re-heated in the microwave, but they are super yummy, and I just might have to make them frequently since it's something I didn't end up killing.31