[Scene: TORI aged nine, KATE aged seven are looking out of the side window of the car, their faces are pale and lack emotion, bewildered they watch BETSY approaching holding the car keys. All their possessions are in a bag, which each have on their laps. BETSY climbs behind the steering wheel and starts the engine. TORI and KATE are silent. The car pulls into the traffic and passes a sign saying: London 43 miles.]1
BETSY (looking in the rear view mirror): If you haven’t got everything it’s the last you’ll see of it.2
[TORI and KATE look at each other comparing a mental inventory. They both dismiss the idea and look out of the side window.]3
KATE: (looking out of the window) Where’s Ireland?4
TORI (nodding to the setting sun): Over there somewhere I think.5
KATE: Do they have fish fingers for tea in Ireland?6
TORI (wiping tears from her eyes): I don’t know. We’ll have to wait and see. (talking to the back of BETSY’s head) why can’t we stay with you, Aunt Betsy?7
BETSY: It’s for the best. A lot’s happened since your father died.8
KATE (sensing doom and misery): Are you taking us to Ireland?9
BETSY: No, Gatwick airport.10
[BETSY pulls in at a McDonalds. Stops the car and parks.]11
BETSY (turns to the girls): Your flight leaves in two hours. Mrs O’Donald will take you to Cork where you will stay in the mean time. And she won’t put up with any fuss, you hear.12
KATE (starting to cry): I don’t want to go! I want my mummy!13
TORI: Its no use, Kate, there’s nothing we can do about it. Mummy… (PAUSE) she doesn’t want us.14
KATE (determined): I’ll run away…15
[BETSY, KATE, TORI get out of the car and go inside McDonalds. BETSY points to a table and the girls put their bags on the floor.]16
BETSY (calling back at them): Come on we don’t have all day. I need to order.17
TORI: I don’t feel like eating.18
KATE (whispering in TORI’s ear): Let’s put it our bags for later.19
TORI: Why?20
KATE: (very seriously): We’ll need food silly if we are running away.21
TORI: I’m the eldest leave it to me, Ok?22
[BETSY returns with her order.]23
BETSY: Two burgers and fries each and a coke. Be quick about it. I have to make a call.24
[BETSY leaves to go out side holding a mobile ‘phone. KATE waits until BETSY is outside and stuffs the food and drink in her back bag.]25
KATE: Ready…26
TORI (whispering, looking at the door): Can’t. She’s coming back.27
BETSY (shrugs her shoulders as she looks at Kate’s bag): Come on. You’re not going to Ireland.28
[Scene: night, a bedroom.]29
to be continued... 30
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Hmm.. the aunt's treatment of the two girls (I felt like the older was a boy, not sure why) seemed pretty heartless all things considering.. sheesh, the father's dead and their mother abandonded them, guess that's not emotionally touching for the aunt though. What makes it the best, for her because she won't have to raise two girls; I might be a bit harsh, but it's just based on what little I've glimpsed, and I am curious for more.
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Thank you for your comments. There is considerably more. I abandoned (excuse the pun) it for a while, and will finish it. It’s a moving tale to tell, and reflects the harshness of being unloved – and the emotional scars which dog the characters into adult life which manifests itself in relationships, self-worth; and never quite being a ‘rounded person’. The aunt is a ‘tough’ character who isn’t as bad as she first appears...
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Really interesting beginning of a screenplay. It was a little predictable that the girls were thinking of running away, but overall I followed the story well until the end. When Betsy says, "you're not going to Ireland" is she realizing the fact that Kate's trying to leave? or is she hinting at later plot developments?
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Thank you for your comments. The signpost you read correctly, as the plot 'thickens' for all involved from that point onward. Maybe the aunt's comeuppance...
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Still waiting.....
Great writing-nice hook. We've swallowed the bait, so
when is the next chapter?! It's been a long time now, to leave us all just hanging. Interest wanes.........beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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I like this but sure would like toread more of it! you got me hooked.I hope you continue the story.keep up the wonderful writing!
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This sounds very interesting. I love how you were able to convey powerful emotion through dialogue instead of through the common method of storytelling. You wrote a very effective script. This piece, though short, held my attention. It presented mystery, grief, and determination.
Fantastic work!
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