Im going to take my life today.
And today you are going to pay.
Today I take my Revenge.
Today is the day I Die1
First off, i'd like to thank all the people who have made this possible.2
My dad for raping me when I was just a young boy. The look of evil on his face. The Evil stare. Not even caring about my tears, or the blood that dripped away. Leaving me helpless on my bed, making me swear never to tell anyone.
You know Father, I could have just killed you afterwards, but I think the family will kill you for me after reading this.3
Thank you too Mom, for leaving at the grocery store that one mundane afternoon. Thank you for telling me to go use the facilities while you drove off. You bitch, and stupid ignoramous, was it really easy to forget that we live only about half a mile from Cost-U-Less?4
Thank you Mr.Kimball, thank you for hating me enough to fail me in every single class assignment i gave in to you. No matter how many i got correct, you always seemed to grade my paper instead of handing it out to all the other kids to correct for you.5
Thank you Ms.Vellomire, Thank you for injuring me with a baseball bat after you Thought I was trespassing on Your yard. Hey Bitch! It's call a fucking sidewalk!6
A thank you to the 506 gang.
A thank you to the KKK for framing our family.
A great big thank you the school faculty for never returning my request for a change of Form.
And an even bigger thank you to every one who has ever treated me wrongly.7
But most importantly, a sincere thank you to you James. You were my only friend, and best boyfriend as well. You were the only one that spoke to me like a human, instead of a monster, the only one that ever held my hand, the only one to ever love me.
May your sould rest in piece.8
Hey mom and dad, do you remember the day i use too talk about being important in the world? Remember the way I went on and on about being a celebrity?
Well, you'll see after today that I will attain my popularity.9
Today I get my chance to be important.10
***MS-NBC 6 O'clock News***11
"This is Natasha Cortilana her on the 6:00 news."12
"And I'm Joe Bradford as her Co-Anchor."13
"Today is Christmas Eve and if you live in the inner city area, you should have a spectacular view of the new New York State Parks giagantic tree after the fiery fall of last years tree being struck with lighting. The tree this year has been dubbed named, the Lucky Star, with it's gorgeous arrangment of wonderful lights and fabulous banners. Adorning the tip top of the tree is the new "Lucky Star" The star that survived the lighting strike last year."14
"Now isn't that just a shocker Nat?"15
"Very funny Brad, on further news....."16
"What is it Nat?"17
"..."18
"Are you okay Nat--"19
"Shush.....Oh dear god."20
"What is it?"21
"America, This just in. It has just been revealed to me that a tragic thing has happend in a mall in Athens, Tenessee. A boy of only 17 years of age...has openly murdered 23 men, woman and children at point blank range with a handgun..."22
"Oh my god."23
"Forensics has revealed to us that this boy is Leminx Armanies, of the Armanies Hardwood Company. The motive has yet to surface, but authorities are investigating the home of young Armanies and his family."24
"How could a prodigy child like Leminx turn so sour?"25
"I don't know Brad. I Don't know.... Found on the body was 2 empty handgun cartridges and a note, adressed to his family. The Armanies have requested that this note not be shown on national television."26
"Well, that just ruined my night..."27
"...On Other News..."28
*************************29
You see? 30
Now I'm famous
Author notes
There we go
this is the final product for the contest. Enjoy!
A contest entry
- socially deemed a misfit by Hermanator1.
850 points, ended December 25, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I Have C.D.O. by happy go lucky13.
180 points, ended January 28, 2008, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Just Give Me Stories by LostSoulOfRage.
400 points, ended February 4, 2008, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Raining Acid by Oddems..
425 points, ended September 16, 2008, 27 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Well?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Harrowing
Very good story. I really felt this boys pain. It could perhaps have gone into more detail on how he got the guns, and why he picked on others rather than the people who had wronged him. Otherwise well done.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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Thank you for entering my contest. Now as for the story, well it was good in a harsh, raw way. Imagining what that boy went through and reading this, well it filled me with emotion even in it's shortness. Good luck and spectacular job.
PR
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thnx for entering the contest.
this was a very well written peice. i enjoyed reading it very much. i really like it. except i think your story is lacking something. like what led him up to finally snaping?
this is a really wonderful story. i really like it. great job and good luck. keep it up.
-LostSoul
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hey, this has a few spelling errors. but other than that, i liked the piece, well written. but i kinda think it falls under "angst" which is not allowed in the contest. u may plead ur case though, if u want :-P
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Super rewrite
Okay another finalist. If you have your original piece then compare the two and you'll easily see the quality difference. Now we know a lot about the forces that drove him to this point.
You should still correct a few typos ("I" not capitalized a few times; a few misspellings) for your future use of the piece.
Thanks for reading my comments and I hope that they help all your writing.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Pshhh.
Omaha Mall Massacre, much? =] -
Yeah - develop it
We get bits and pieces of the character but not enough depth to truly understand him. What was the "final straw"; what formed him to hate so much. The most we know is that people did not look at him very nice. -
OMG U GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK .... but a brilliant write
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