Daremo

“Wait up Saku-chan” I called out to my bestfriend as she walked to the training grounds.1

“Sorry I thought you had already gotten there.” she apoligized.2

“Nope now we can walk to...”3

“Sasuke-kun wait up.” Sakura called seeing the konaha heart throb.4

“-gether.” I finished my word then accustomed myself to walking alone, as always.5

Always, I was left behind, forgotten almost as much as my favorite little demon Naruto. I sighed, I had two friends, Naruto and Sakura and neither remembered me ever I hated it. Always, I was left behind forgotten. Every mission it happened every day I was over looked.6

~flashback 5 yrs old~7

“Mama look I can hit a bulls eye” I squeeled happily and did it once again.8

“That’s nice Saru” she said not even looking.9

I sighed and sat down by the tree trying not to cry. My mom had two kids me and my brother Haromitsu and she still couldn’t remember my name. My name suited me though it was Daremo meaning noone. But Haromitsu saw me atleast.10

“Mo-Imouto-chan, great job ur gonna be a great ninja soon.” Haromitsu said hugging me.11

I smiled and hugged him back. We went inside for lunch. After we ate we came back out and I began training again.12

“Imouto-chan, why do u train so hard” he asked.13

“Because I cant wait to see what mama will say wen I become a genin.” I said smiling. “Then she’ll notice me for sure.”14

“Okay, then have me train u I mean im a chunin already.” he said.15

“Yes but the thing is, if u train me then im afraid she will overlook me like always and praise you saying how you turned a nothing into a great shinobi.” I said softly.16

“Ok. But can I at least correct you wen your doing something wrong.” he asked.17

“No I want to learn it all on my own I mean that is how u get stronger right.” I said.18

“Yeah it is.” he said.19

~FFW a year later.~20

“Haro-aniki-chan (aniki-chanolite way of saying older brother)I finally did it I’m a genin.” I cheered loudly. “Aniki-chan” I whispered as I got closer to our house.21

Not a single soul was around. I went from room to room. All were striped of whatever they had in them. I went outside to the training grounds in our back yard and saw nothing. I went further and further finally seeing a note.22

“Imouto-chan mom and dad moved. Congrats though I no u made it to genin level at least. Promise me you'll stay a good person and be a great ninja. Turn around now I don’t want u going any further. Love ur aniki Haromitsu.’” I read softly.23

Curious as to why he didn’t want me going any further I walked ahead and saw the bodies of ten iwa shinobi all which looked ANBU level. Then there were two shinobi standing leaning against the other. They had their hands rammed through each others guts.24

I walked closer and saw that one was an Anbu captain (she can tell cause of the mask) and one was her brother.25

“He took them all on and perished.” I whispered tears streaking down my face.26

I took all the weopons out of all them and buried each and every one. Then I laid down on my bed and cried myself to sleep.27

~FFW 2 yrs~28

I was breathing hard as I nearly collapsed onto the hard rocky ground of the forest of death. My comrades have left me. Its not like they need me though we were the only four man squad. Actually I’m always on a four man squad. This is the fourth time in two years my squad has forgotten me. Noone ever remembers a girl whos name means noone though. Why would they. I thought as I passed out.29

~FFW 4 yrs~30

we sat on the roof of a building waiting for our sensai to arrive. I was laying tossing a kunai up and catching it whenever it came down. Sakura was bugging Sasuke and Naruto was bugging Sakura and actually it was quite distracting. The kunai came down and sliced my cheek.31

“Will you two just shut up damn your annoying” I growled.32

“Huh oh forgot you were there Daremo” Sakura said.33

“Yea no shit you always do.” I whispered to myself.34

Just then our Sensei popped up. He was kinda hot to. He had messy silver hair and a beautiful black eye the other we couldn’t see he was strong but we really couldn’t see much of his face.35

“Hello guys now first I want to no a bit about you” he said.36

“Like what.” Naruto asked.37

"Your likes dislikes dreams.” he said.38

“Then you go first so we can see how it's done.” Naruto said.39

“Okay I'm Hatake, Kakashi. I don’t feel like telling you what I dislike or like and hobbies...I have lots of them I haven’t really thought about a dream.” he said. “You first blondey.”40

“Ok I'm Uzumaki, Naruto I like instant ramen in a cup and hate the three minutes you have to wait for it. My hobbies are playing pranks and testing the different kinds of ramen. My dream is to become hokage so everyone will notice me.” he said.41

“Next pinky.” Kakashi said looking at sakura.42

“Well I like...my hobbies are...my dream is...” she said staring at Sasuke after everything she said.43

“What do you hate.” Kakashi asked.44

“Naruto.” she yelled out.45

“And last raven.” he said.46

“Uchiha sasuke I don’t praticularly like anything and I hate a lot of things I don’t have any hobbies unless you call training one and what I have is an ambition not a dream I will kill a certain someone then bring my clan back to it’s original glory.” he said.47

“Well then that’s all for to...”48

“You forgot Daremo.” sakura said.49

“Huh oh I didn’t even notice you.” he said.50

“Like anyone does.” I muttered.51

“Kumo, Daremo I like, actually I, like sasuke, really don’t like anything. I don’t dislike anything either. I train and cook and clean I guess you can call those hobbies. And lastly my dream is just for once be acknowledged and not forgotten by my teamates.” I said.52

“Daremo oh your the girl that can’t get past the second stage in the chunin exams.” he said. “Because your team always has four people on it and they leave you behind.”53

“That’s me.” 54

~FLASHBACKS END~55

I sat on the practice grounds and sighed. No this team hadn't yet left me behind but I still wasnt acknowledged or cared for like I’ve wanted to be since I was born.56

“I better get to training.” I muttered then got up and started making hand signs.57

As I finished the jutsu the clouds started to disapate and my wave jutsu came into effect. I smiled as I saw it had gotten stronger then the last time and the last time there were lots of rain clouds this time there were only a few cirrus clouds.58

“Uve gotten stronger.” Sasuke said from behind me.59

“Well there’s no way I can get weaker.” I muttered.60

“I'm srry I took your lover away from u earlier.” he said smirking.61

“Sasuke stop I don’t need u making fun of me today.” I said keeping tears back.62

Sure he noticed me more then the others but he always made fun of me. I sat down and laid back.63

“Sasuke who is it you want to kill.” I asked.64

“My brother.” he said.65

“Who is...” I said.66

“Itachi.” he said.67

“Oh 'tachi he was okay at first then he got to be a real ass.” I said. He was on my third team and he was, really a memerable person.68

Thinking about his older brother got me to thinking about mine and a few tears came from my eyes.69

“What’s wrong.” he asked.70

“Just thinking of my brother.” I said softly.71

“You have a brother.” he asked.72

“Had. He died nine years ago.” I said softly. “He was the only one to notice me to remember my name.”73

“Your mom didn’t remember u.” he asked having had a loving mother.74

“No. She couldn’t even remember my name she called me Saru they even moved without me.” I said. “I’m deciding if I want to go and find them then kill them.”75

“You couldn’t” sasuke said softly.76

“And why not.” I asked.77

“Because your too nice.” he said.78

“Everything I did was to get acknowledged by them. They left before they knew I was a genin.” I said. “Probably wouldn’t have cared though, they would have thought Haromitsu used connections to get me in.” I said I hadnt even realized I was telling him all this. “I envy you Sasuke. Even if u have annoying people you do have people who care about you. You have Naruto and Sakura and Kakashi, and even me. Now even Naruto has a lot of friends and he forgets me.” I said tears coming to my eyes.79

“Shinobi don’t cry.” sasuke said. “And you do have people that care about you. Naruto does and so does Sakura.” he said.80

“But they forget me so easily I just want one friend that doesn’t leave me to myself without a second thought.” I said softly81

“Hey what bout me.” he said getting in my face. “How do you think you haven’t gotten left behind yet.” he said, an almost smile on his face.82

“Thank you Sasuke.” I said then hugged him lightly.83

“Aisheteru.” he whispered kissing my forehead.84

“Aisheteru.” I said smiling brightly burying my head in his chest.

Author notes

hn

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • Sakura-Fang
    April 16
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    this is good


  • Brittany Love
    June 28, 2008
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    awwwwwwww!!!! tht was really sweet of sasuke!! i loved it!!XD


  • Lover of Stories
    March 14, 2008

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    The grammar and spelling distracted from the reading of the story, but it was interesting. Sasuke all seemed OOC. But anyways, it was cute. I liked it. ^^

  • hajisbestgirl
    January 20, 2008
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    stupid smiliely face i didnt mean that it was supposed to be anike-chan: polite way of saying older brother sorry for any confusion

  • hajisbestgirl
    January 20, 2008
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    thankyou for your constructive critisism Miss Hanako Megumi I wrote this a while back when I used a lot of..I believe it is called chat speak also I used japanese words in this that told that my charector was a girl but now I realize I don't make that clear to most so I will tell you the meanings to words imouto-chan is a polite way of saying little sister and is in no way her name her name is Daremo which in itself means nothing that is the litteral meaning of the word. Aisheteru means "I love you" and also I sometimes write where my words are a bit yodaish they make sence espeially when I write them but I get it readers sometimes dont get that and I need to try to make it more clear thanks a lot if there are any other words in here that people don't understand just ask me


  • Miss Hanako Cullen
    January 20, 2008

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    This was a really great piece! Very loving and cute.

    I did catch some odd phrases though, for instance-

    Pa. 6- "Always I was left behind-" it should be "I was [Always] left behind." In the same Pa." I sighed[ , ] I had two friends" there should be a comma in between [sighed] and [ I }

    Also, whenever you say someone's name (And I forget this all the time) you always put a comma after.

    EX.
    “Imouto-chan [ , ] y do u train so hard” he asked.

    It's proper grammar I'm afraid, something I forget often. Bitter Irony has always caught this on my stories. : ) Don't worry though, it's something you'll get eventually. : )

    [Sensai] is spelled [Sensei]

    There were a few places where you forgot to capitalize your I's, a few mistakes here and there. Nothing that distracts from the story.

    The half words were a little frustrating, it left me constantly trying to calculate what everyone was saying. Instead of just being able to read the story.

    Such as:

    Uve- You've
    srry- Sorry
    ur- Your
    O- Oh
    u-You
    y-Why
    cause -Because

    CHanging this would make the story flow a lot smoother and make it easier to read. It might be easier to type, but for the reader (Me) very difficult to enjoy. : ) Just work on that.


    Also, I really didn't like the huge jumps through time. 3yrs later, 4yrs later, 5yrs later and the paragraphs no more than 500-600 words long. With a 1,400 word story you managed to do very well. The story was inovative, interesting and satisfying.

    But I just can't help but think that you could have expanded more..just a little bit. Give us a brighter view of this person's outlook. ALSO, which this is something a lot of fanfic writers have a problem with, is this character a dude or a chick? I didn't even know by the end of the story. Because they were hugging each other as guys I thought, "OH, it has to be a girl" but then the character made out to be so tough, so then I thought it was a dude.

    YOU HAVE GOT TO WORK on that. Make it clear which gender your character is, instead of making us wonder. Do that and this story will have very little if no flaws in your storyline. : )

    Keep it up! And good luck!

    beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 4.


  • Kyoshoro Wolf
    January 6, 2008

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    There was a lot of mistakes which made it hard to read but I guess you wrote it that way for a reason.In the end it was a good story.I can't ever imagine Saskue being so nice.Good luck in the contest.

  • hajisbestgirl
    January 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    so what does everybody think or is nobody reading this story

1 - 8 of 8