The Ocean Called "Imagination"

The Ocean Called
"Imagination" 1


The moon shone so clearly to my eyes, and yet in my complete and clear vision it seemed distorted. Whereas so many times before in my life when I looked up to see the moon, in all it's magical wonder, this time it was indeed plain. Before it had sparkled, giving off a somewhat eerie glow. Now as I looked upon the glowing ridges all I could see was the ground of the moon itself, completely boring and unimaginative. 2

If I had to describe one thing in my life, one thing that influenced my perception of objects around me. I would have to choose the moon. For all it's trial and error, the moon has somehow managed to stay mystical and priceless. As children we always wonder how space is able to keep such large moons and planets in orbit. Once we even thought the moon was made of cheese. However, as we get older it seems our imaginations seem to dampen. Some of us are able to keep our dreams and fantasies clear in our minds. Others become distracted with the world, they lose focus of what they once had. Dreams. 3

I had grown up wanting to be a writer. My whole life was surrounded my stories and pictures, places I had never been or heard of; but I had seen them clearly in my mind. When the time came to head off to college, well.. I was less than willing to comply. My argument was that college would deprive me of my dreams and smother them. I would no longer be able to concoct my wild stories and distant lands, not like I had before anyway. So I refused to attend college, but like any good parents they packed my stuff up and shoved me in the car. When we reached the school campus fear had already begun to shatter my spirit. Seeing the large, towering buildings and crowds of students was shocking. Being a small town boy it was very different for me to experience the “Town Scene” as it was called by my roommate. He turned out to be a great friend. Then again, so did she. 4

I had decided that if they were going to make me attend college, I was going to put it to good use. I went for a Writing career, something I don't regret even to this day. The reason being was because of her. Jaida King, how my heart soared when I heard her name. Jaida had already been attending college for a year, apparently she had a lot of potential. Many of my classmates had described her as 'Supreme' something that stuck with me. The first time I saw her was in that class, two weeks after I had been there and just like they described she was indeed supreme. Her eyes were the color of fierce jade, and it showed through her behavior. She knew how to control the floor and work the room. She had long tendrils of bright blonde hair, in the light it looked almost white. It took me two days to finally walk up to her and start a conversation. 5

The classroom was emptying when I took my chance. I sauntered over as she was putting her books into her knapsack. “Hello?” I said meekly, I gave myself an imaginary slap and repeated the greeting, only louder and a little more confident.
“Hello,” she said smiling up at me, “you're new here aren't you?” she asked.
I felt me cheeks get hot, why did I feel this way? She was just a girl. “Yeah, I'm new.” I managed to barely sa. About now my eyes were darting all over her face, my feet were beginning to go numb; the reason I'm still not sure. Well, as fate would have it Jaida and I started up a little friendship. We had two classes together and we started having lunch together as well. After about six months things started getting pretty serious, we then decided to make it official. She became my girlfriend and though I'm pretty sure I'm the one who asked her, it almost seems like she was the one to ask me. She had such presence, I often found myself bending easily to her will, perhaps sometimes a little too easily. 6

One night as we lounged on a patch of green in the park, she said something to me that I'll never forget. The hot summer air was still cooling from the day, so as much as we wanted cuddling was out of the question. We laid there simply staring at the stars and the moon, a sight which could be seen very clearly in the cloudless sky. She sighed deeply and said softly, “If ever you should die Brian, I'll come for you. I've been alone most of my life, and I don't think I could bear to lose you.” her words sounded genuine, they were so out of the moment it caused me to chuckle. She looked at me her face becoming serious, “Don't laugh.” she said turning her attention back to the scenery above us. “I meant every word, I think I'm beginning to love you.” she whispered.
Our conversation went blank there, neither of us said a word but we were both thinking the same thing. Had she wanted to throw me off guard? Why had she said what she said? Though it was true that I had developed certain feelings for her, I had no idea she too had developed feelings for me. We continued to have a good relationship all the way through till our last year of college. By this time I was pretty well grounded in creating other worlds and publishing short stories. Many of my works had been featured in magazines, while Jaida's work had barely scratched the surface. I was beginning to feel sorry for her, out of twenty four short stories she had only been able to publish five. I had thirty six written stories and had published almost twenty. I was the top of my class, considered most likely to succeed and I was already receiving pleads from Publishing companies begging me to come work with them. My life had turned out quite splendid, I began to laugh at the thoughts I had once had about college. I had been so wrong, if anything college had heightened my imagination. I did not, however, count of my heart being broken..not yet anyway. 7

Like any college there are tons of students and where there are tons of students, there are bound to be tons of parties. I was not a partying man, Jaida loved the party scene though, so for her I attended a few. One of our friends was holding a bash up on in his dorm. It was a “Bring Your Own Booze” party. I didn't drink so there was no problem, but I knew Jaida would be knocking back a few shots. I went to the party alone, expecting to meet up with Jaida later. The party was filled with energy and students, there wasn't one bare place in the entire room. I started to dance in the middle of the room with a group of people. I then heard the signature round of “ooh's and Ahh's” signifying that Jaida had appeared. I made my way towards the door and stopped dead short as I saw the cruel sight. Just by the front door surrounded by people was Jaida and another man, someone I didn't know. He had her pinned against the wall and was kissing her quite passionately. I watched with fury as his hand traced the soft contours of her leg as it wrapped itself around his. Every moment was torture, watching them become passionate in the middle of a party was enraging. I gathered up all my courage and walked over to them. “Jaida, what are you doing?” I asked calmly, normally I didn't overreact.
Jaida looked at me, not with surprise but annoyance, “What do you mean!” she asked, her words slurring as she spoke. She was drunk, but not drunk enough to not know what she was doing. “I thought you were my girlfriend? Who is this? We've gone almost three years without problems and then you pull this!” my tone was heightening, I was becoming mad. Thoughts and ideas swirled in my head, I was beginning to feel the pressure of the room sinking in on me. Jaida only smiled, “Why would I want to be with someone who surpasses me so easily?” she questioned. I sighed, “I see now. I understand.” I said without emotion. “Is this real?” I asked myself, “Could all this be a dream? Make-believe?”
I looked at Jaida, “You dissapoint me so, I'm not sure If we'll recover from this.” I said sadly.
Jaida laughed and turned back to her new lover, “Like I give a damn.” she muttered. 8

I backed away and rushed out the door. I wasn't going to embarrass myself anymore than she already had. That night in my dorm I began to write, my roomate slept soundly as I scribbled word after word.
I wrote a ballad and it went something like this:9

Here in the dark I see your face, masked by the dimmed stars of the night.
We built a tower around this clay, the soft spot representing my heart.
My sand castles fall like ashes to air, as I search this whole world for proof that he's there.10

Don't leave me now, I've finally come back. Seeing my silhouette dreams, painting my sunsets of life. 11


That ballad led me to many poetry publications, won awards too. I went through the rest of that year wondering if my days spent by the sea would amount to anything. I went to our ocean often, standing in one of our many special places. I didn't know how long it would take for her to come back, or if she would even ever come back. Even with the doubt and the knowledge that she'd left me for good, there was still a small hope that she would return to me. 12

In many senses I felt like my Ballad to her was like a sailors last letter home. In my mind my ship was sinking and that ballad contained my last words to Jaida. I could see my ship out on the ocean, burning and sinking with such force that the ship itself literally broke in two. I could see the sailors jumping from the bows and the mast, falling into the swirling sea beneath them. Inside the ship in the brig I could see myself trapped in a flood compartment with no way out. Wood had blocked my exit all that was left, was death. Throughout all this chaos in my mind I could see the small bottle floating on top of the waves. The bottle containing my ballad. I had thrown in before I went into the brig to release the prisoners. I began to shed tears for the first time since I had seen Jaida with that other man. 13

The ocean was still as glass, yet in my head there was a sinking ship and a torrent of fire.
Would I ever find peace? 14

I recalled something Jaida had once said to me, “Should you ever die, I'll come after you.” thinking about it now I do regret laughing, though she had been serious then I knew those words were empty promises. 15

As I walked down to my car I noticed a woman sitting on a bench crying. I had two thoughts to just walk away, but my heart told me otherwise. I went over to the woman and sat down beside her. “Are you alright miss?” I asked softly, trying not to startle her.
She looked at me, her blue eyes were shrouded with tears. Her face was reddening which meant she had been crying for awhile.
“No..” she began, “I'm not alright. My boyfriend has been cheating on me and I'm so sad. It's been almost a month. My friends won't talk to me and neither will his friends. I'm all alone.” she whimpered.
I sighed softly and replied, “I have the same problem, my girlfriend was cheating on me with another man. I'm alone too.” I looked at her and smiled, “I could be your friend, if you would be mine.”
The woman seemed to be relieved, “Really?” she asked, “You'd be my friend?”
“Sure, I'm Brian.” I said holding out my hand.
“I'm Shannon.” she replied. 16

I told her all about myself and she told me about herself too. Apparently we attended the same college and were the same age. We had a good friendship, which eventually turned in a relationship though unlike before with Jaida. I was the one to say “I love you” first. Shannon and I got married almost two years after we had been dating. We comforted each other when we found out the undeniable truth, her boyfriend and my girlfriend had been seeing each other while they were dating us. I think I could call this destiny. I learned something from Jaida, trust the one you love, but don't trust them to never make mistakes. Making them perfect isn't fair, and though Jaida made herself perfect I didn't do anything to stop her obsession. 17

Shannon is my lover from the land, while I sail the oceans of my imagination I write letters to her from my ship. She receives every one and never complains about my sending them. I think she likes waking up with a love letter on her pillow every morning.
Or perhaps she just loves me. 18