Let it Snow. . . .

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.1

If I'm with you, I could stay for the whole winter. Just bundled up here, with you. Hunny, it's an ice box out there, but I don't care because you're holding me. 2

The snow outside is perfect and untouched. Why ruin such a splendid thing? 3

"Stay with me."4

"Forever."5

Author notes

[[does a boy make a girl feel this way?]] [[wishing i was the girl.]] Baby it's cold outside.

A contest entry

Comment! you know you want to. ;)

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Holey Pastry
    December 14, 2008
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    This is cute! It's short and sweet!

    Thanks for entering, good luck!

    H.P.


  • OkapiShomapi
    February 9, 2008

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    This is really cute! I like the different tones: singsong, then descriptive, then dialogue.

    Very nice. I have no critical comments

    Thanks and good luck!

    annye


  • Paragonz Shadow
    January 2, 2008

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    Keep working at your writing!

    Your should be you're, but other than that it's short and cute. You could improve the flow a little. If it is somebody speaking, then I would definitly suggest it, but if it is just descriptive then take out 'Honey' and you could scrape through.


    • Melli
      January 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment, its very appreciated! Well, the Hunny is there because she is talking about her in fact, 'hunny'. thanks again =)


  • On Frail Wings.
    December 22, 2007

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    this is really good!:] for some reason i really like it even though its so short. lol. i guess because thats how i currentlyl feel about someone so it made me think of him.

    • Melli
      December 22, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Awwh, im happy for you! hehe, thanks for the comment! it was for a contest, and i like this one thank you for all the comments.


  • Elvenfairy
    December 12, 2007

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    sounds like me when I am hanging out at my boy friends house. I just don't want to leave, and the cold is as good an excuse as any to dawdle a bit. Cute story, thanks for enetring my contest.


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    December 9, 2007

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    Okay

    Some good imagery. Remember to double check grammar, (not that I do it very good) and not just rely on spell check. ("your" should have been "you're")

    beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, characters: 3.


  • plurangel silver member
    December 9, 2007

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    aww this is really cute. short but cute. i do think you could add more to this. whether its in the middle you add to it or at the end. there's very lil description and i do believe that is one thing that is relevent to a story. thanks for the cute read

1 - 9 of 9