When we are born we are born the way we are. No one can choose the way we look, or the way we are raised, its in ourselves. So when people say that you are ugly, don't take it to harshly because no one is ever really ugly, it is just there own issues inside that determines that. It is not as if we made the choice to look ugly did we. So be proud of who you are and find that love within yourself, because deep down we are all beautiful people, just some have ugly souls.12
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Author notes
For A contest hope you enjoy my opinions of what people say when they call you ugly ... I think it i one of my best because I think lots of girls my age fel so depressed and lead to deadly means to look nice beacause men and woman say that they are ugly... I wanted people to belive in themselves to send that message that people are beautifull and they need to know that
A contest entry
- Ten Minute -or less- Entries (You have ten minutes, don't ya?) by Taylor Renee.
350 points, ended December 15, 2007, 34 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - No comments? by LostSoulOfRage.
675 points, ended December 29, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Honest OPINIONS
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hmm...this was really good, as always, Blair. I think the meaning and flow, grammar and just everything about it was amazingly done. I think the way you write is just so good and I think that even though you have a bit to learn in grammar still, this was still an improvement in that area.
I surely will be reading your future stories and poems. I think that you haven't failed to impress me yet. All of your stories and poems are amazing.
Keep up the great work, bud. I'm sure you will. -
Read what you write aloud to yourself
Nice sentiments...but may I suggest a couple of things:
First...sharpen your expression of these, somewhat complex ideas. For example, might there be a better, more incisive way to say: "When we are born we are born (repetitive...why not just begin with: "we are born the way we are?") the way we are?" Why begin with "When we are born?" When else could you be referring to in that sentence?
Second sentence is essentially incorrect! Your parents...or whomever "raises" you CAN CHOOSE the way IN WHICH (grammar)you are raised. (You start the sentence with "NO ONE CAN CHOOSE")
Then you say: "It's IN ourselves." WHAT is "in ourselves?" Be specific...don't be so general and vague. Identify what you are speaking of!
The next sentence is vague as well. What do you mean: "It is just THEIR (spelling) own issues?" ISSUES? Is this the correct word?
"INSIDE"...What do you mean..."INSIDE?"
"Did we?" (Don't forget a question mark here. It's a QUESTION!
Don't use cliche phrases like: "Deep down"...it's meaningless and OVERUSED. Just be aware of this.
Your last phrase (which is kind of vague) ("ugly SOULS?"...what does that really mean?)...should be a new sentence.
By the way...you contradict yourself. How can we ALL be "beautiful" if some have "UGLY" souls?
Be careful...go over what you write more carefully.
Good luck,
GA -
Good theme
I'm glad that you chose to use your entry to give hope to another. Ther are many young girls who submit in the site and if you can reach one then you have done a remarkable thing.
Remember however, to be most effective one needs to check their grammar and spelling. You have a few errors and it can interrupt the reader's focus and sometimes they don't get the mood back.
Keep writing and keep trying to change lives.
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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Beautiful!
Yep definately agree totally with you! THis poem rawwks! lol
Really love it
Well done Its so true
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OMG Right on sister. So glad you said it someone had to lol
Love you my beautiful Girl
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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thnx for entering the contest.
okay this is really good. i toally agree with you too! i think id rather be so called ugly and have a beautiful soul than have an ugly mean soul and be pretty. this is a really great message to get across to people. this an amazing peiece.
you didnt follow one rule though, you didnt put why you thought this was one of your best in the author notes. in order for you to be able to be a finalist you need to put that in. ill give you at most a week to get that fixed or you wont be able to get a chance to win.
other than that really great job. i loved it. good luck and keep it up.
-LostSoul
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I like this!
It's very...almost sweet, I thi nk, because it's like comforting someone who has been called ugly. And I think you're right, we ARE all beautiful, and just some of us aren't so beautiful on the inside.
Great job, and thanks so much for taking the time for my contest!
Good luck!
xoxo
-♥-
Tay
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:)) thank you
thank you for lettine me enter ur contest and for giving me the chance to express myself in short amount of words..it was a challange but I hope I put my message across ^_^
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Goodluck in the contest, this was really short and sweet =]
♥EBb
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thanks
hehe thanks babe just wanting to get my point acros at all thos haters whom think us girls are ugly ^_^ ... to be honest I think we both know at school there are sum hot girl that a re just plain dense cows.. all cloned personalities, id rather be bad looking and intersting than good looking a grave dead boring ...agreed?
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