The Diary of Pricilla Land - Part 2

So anyway, this is another excerpt from the diary of Pricilla Land.  When we last left Pricilla she had been captured by NBC\GE, injected with SARS and then released so they could do a story on her.  Let's check it with her now:1

So the night I got home from GE headquarters me and mom sat at the kitchen table and I told her about what had happened.  She cried.  I told her about how they had injected me with fluid from a bottle labeled SARS.  "Oh my god." She said "did they use a clean needle?"2

"I don't know"3

"Well was it in a needle bag, or did they just jam it in your arm?"4

"I don't remember any bag, so I guess the second one"5

"Nooooo!  A dirty needle! You're going to get AIDS!  Damn you clever yet meaningless acronyms, damn you!6

That's when mom decided we should go into hiding.  We went to our land lady, Mrs. Odin, and asked her if we could stay with her a little while, and she agreed.  "If anyone comes around asking for us tell them we moved and you don't know where to." Mom said7

"You mean you want me to lie?" Mrs. Odin asked8

"Yes" mom said looking intently "lie to them"9

"Ok" said Mrs. Odin gulping a lump down hard10

We knew we could trust Mrs. Odin.  Her husband was even a member of a resistance group called People's Broadcast Sovereignty (PBS, tehe).  If she was ok with that, our hiding in her attic wouldn't be so hard to swallow.  11

We had been living there for a couple of weeks without trouble when things began to go bad again.  The folks at NBC knew exactly when the symptoms were supposed to manifest and they weren't about to miss out on a good 'Early warning signs' story especially if one of those signs is going to be slight grogginess just after waking up, as it is according to the W.H.O.  Fear is the #2 ratings booster just behind sex.  For some reason though, when you combine the two no one watches.  Go figure.  So at least we have that going for us as a culture.12

I think it was a monday when Operation Pricilla began.  We were sitting down having tea when we felt a slight rumble which grew steadily.  We went to the window and saw Chopper 4s circling over head, NBC news vans caravanning down the street, camera men on almost every corner.  It was full scale occupation.  The worst of all were those of the Promo Dept. Corps.  The would walk around the streets, often at night, with sheets over their whole bodies, like Scoobie Doo ghosts going "Wooooooo, SAAAAAARS!  You're not safe!" and then run off.  The would hide in alleys and then jump out and scream "Boo! SARS, SARS, SARS!" and then run off.  Some of them would even run up to strollers, grab the babies and run off screaming "SARS killed another baby!  Oh no, not another one!"  The whole city was put through this because of us.  I guess I must have been pretty important to them.13

After just over two weeks of occupation all our fears came to a head.  We were sitting at a table having lunch, when a knock came at the door.  It was clear some one was home because Mrs. Odin had been playing music (albeit quietly).  She opened the door and men in suits pushed her aside onto the ground and stormed into the apartment.  They knew.  I don't know how, but some how they knew.  They stormed up stairs and all stood at attention.  Then I could hardly believe my eyes; in stepped Jack Welch himself, CEO of GE.  Next to him was his Promo Minister Goering.  Then he spoke: "Hello Pricilla, don't be scared.  Vee are not here to hurt you.  Your story means a lot to zee empire.  Vee need you for an interview.  Do you understand vhy?"14

"Yes, you want to report on me.  I don't see what's so interesting about me though"15

"Hermann, explain to Pricilla vhy she is important to us"  Ordered Welch16

Goering spoke.  "Vell you see Pricilla, fear iz a part of life.  If it vasn't for fear, vhat is to stop anyvon from valking down a dark alley at night in a bad neighborhood?  Or from robbing a bank in zee middle of zee day.  America is so safe though that people have less and less reason to be afraid every year.  Vhat vee're doing is providing the fear zat is necessary for a society to function"17

I didn't bye it for a second, but I wasn't telling him that.18

"Fine, but that doesn't justify you injecting me with SARS."19

"Vhat?  Vhat do you mean; SARS" said Welch20

"In the vial, at GE"21

"Oh" Welch said chuckling "zat vasn't SARS.  Zat vas AIDS"22

"Ooooh!" I said "I was like way worried, that sure is a load off my shoulders"23

We all laughed and laughed and I did the interview willingly.  Then we all went out and had ice cream.24

THE END25

-Pricilla26

(a.k.a. Matt K.)27