The Diary of Pricilla Land - Part 1

So it seems like everyone from SNL to Dave Letterman is playing up the SARS thing, so i figure it's my turn.  The following is an excerpt from a journal of a girl by the name of Pricilla Land.  She was in hiding from NBC for 41 days before her capture this past monday:1

Let me start out by saying, no i dont have SARS.  I have nothing against those who do, i think they're people just like us, but the fact remains that i dont have it, which makes it all the more sad that what happened happened.  It all started three weeks ago when Louis Kirskawitz sneezed on me during english class.  At the time it seemed unimportant; a little gross perhaps, but ultimately unimportant.  The next week i developed a pretty bad cold and had to stay home from school.  I still havent been back to school.  2

The signs have been appearing for years, i dont know why i didnt see them.  It all started with those man on the street reports where they ask people on line at the movies what they think about things they know nothing about.  But then it progressed, they started in with Ask Asa, Shame on You, and of course, the Fox 5 Problem Solvers.  Basically, every news organization was desperate for a story, chomping at the bit and foaming white hot with trepidation of tomorrow's news.  So it's understandable how the whole SARS thing appealed to them.  An unexplainable disease that kills little old ladies and small kids with asthma, it was just begging to be reported on.  But that cannot justify what they did to me.3

I was coming out of the apartment still in my jammys to get a RedBook magazine to read while i was home sick, when a man in grey suit and hat approached me.  He said he was with NBC and that he'd like a moment of my time.  I spill the usual rhetoric of "Im not allowed to talk to strangers, im sick i want to go back to bed" but he was quick to counter with "Dont you vant to help zee media empire?".  And not wanting to be unpatriotic, I agreed and he started asking me questions about my illness, all of which i answered.  But then he asked an odd one: "Have you been to asia lately?" 4

"Uh, no, cant say that i have"5

And he smiled.  I wouldn't know for quite some time but that smile said 'we have our story'.  He thanked me and sent me on my way, while he phoned his office.  Later that night i told my mom about what had happened and the color flushed from her cheeks like wine.  "When! Where! what did he say? Oh not again, not again" and then she began to cry and hug me quietly saying "i knew i shouldn't have bought all that cough medicine at CVS"6

That night we all sat down to watch the news and sure enough, the lead story was: "YOU"RE NOT SAFE IN YOUR OWN HOMES!" telling of a little girl who got SARS without ever leaving New York.  Pictures of me flashed across the screen, and the whole room fell silent.  The story clicked off at the end and the phone rang almost immediately.7

"No mom, Pricilla does not have SARS, it's just a cold...Yes she's been washing her hands!"8

All that week it was the same story in every GE owned newspaper and radio station, me and my SARS.  Then friday night it happened.  Yet another news van pulls up along side dad on his way home from work and starts asking the usual "How does it feel to know your daughter has SARS?"9

"Has your daughter been attending school?"10

"What are you trying to hide?"11

And he starts running and the van speeds up "Why wont you answer our questions!?"12

And he keeps running, faster and faster but the van kept up easily.  Then the van did something strange, it slowed to a near stop, and allowed dad to run out in front.  I thought they had given up on him, but then they sped up again, wheels screeching and churning up smoke.  They gunned the van right at him.  They ran him down and killed him in the middle of the street.13

"Daddy!" i screamed and bolted down the hall, and out to him in the street.  They grabbed me long before i ever got near him.  They threw a net around me and dragged me into the back of their van.  They peeled off and covered my mouth with a cloth and everything went black.14

I woke up in what looked like an appliance store, with a bright light in my eyes.  "Pricilla, can you here us?  She's awake, get zee stuff ready"15

groggily i said "Hmm, what's going on?"16

"Pricilla, zee empire needs you, do you understand"17

"What? no"18

"Pricilla, vee need you for an interview, ve need you to say you have SARS"19

"But, i dont have SARS"20

"Yes, but would you be willing to say zat you do?"21

"What? Why?"22

He sighed and then said "Okay, zis isnt vorking, give me zee vial"23

He took a vial in his hands which was labeled 'SARS'.  He stuck a needle into it and tapped the side.  He drew out a clear fluid, and then said "Pricilla, zis is SARS"24

"I didnt know they'd identified the virus that causes SARS."25

"NBC knows a lot of things zat science doesn't.  Now I'm am going to ask you von last time, do you have SARS?"26

"No."27

And he stuck the needle in my arm, and i screamed and they put the cloth over my mouth again.28

They dropped me off back at home.  After that night my mom decided we should go into hiding which we have since.  It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet, I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that media is really good at heart.29

-Pricilla30

(a.k.a. matt k)31