Michael sat in the office again. He idly wondered how long this would continue, and why he was here. He didn't think Dr. Claire would stop talking anytime soon. she was in the middle of a speech about self-help and eradication of self-pity and negativity. He didn't want help. He didn't deserve help. Not since he let her die. He knew one thing, though. He didn't care anymore. 1
"...You aren't even pretending to listen anymore, are you, Michael?"2
Michael came out of his thoughts, and answered her. 3
"Guess not." He carefully kept a mask of impassivity on his face. Dr. Claire seemed to grow angry.4
"Why? Don't you want to get better, to be able to live again?" She coolly inquired. 5
"No...I don't really feel like it right now...maybe later." He knew he was igniting her rage, but he didn't care.6
"Who do you think you are, anyway?" she fumed.7
"Who do you think I think I am? That's what I'll get in trouble for."8
"You are in here to try to recover, to become more mentally stable. Well, maybe you didn't even need to be in here, maybe you should just be in prison!" she shouted. Michael grinned wildly, and stood up next to her.9
"I am a murderer! I killed Cara! I am a horrible person who hurts himself and others! Do you think it's possible for me to become mentally stable? Maybe you should call a guard or something! I might just go mental on everyone! Can't you hear the solitary confinement people coming for me with a straitjacket in hand?!" Michael panted, a little out of breath from his outburst. Dr. Claire looked at him, drained of anger. She merely felt sorry for him now. He was clearly suffering from mismanaged anger and repressed feelings.10
"Michael, I'm sorry I yelled. Perhaps you'd like to tell me why you feel that way?" She looked at him, imploringly. He smiled sardonically.11
"Time's up, doctor."12
Author notes
option three. http://allpoetry.com/story/768121
apathy? maybe. more llike reaching the point of emotional shutoff, like, I don't care anymore and you can't make me...I'm going to super sarcastic and non-informative/ not helpful.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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In paragraph 10:
\I am a horrible person who hurts myself and others!\
Instead of myself, wouldn't "himself" be grammatically correct?
It feels more like an excerpt...we don't know why he is where he is (which would make an interesting addition to your story) and the process that has taken him there. But for what you have given us, it's interesting.
Sounds like depression, that shutting down, no longer caring.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 2, overall: 5, ending: 2, dialog: 2, characters: 2.
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Having spent 18 years as a crisis counselor, I could actually see this playing out very essily. I think you captured the moment almost as if you had personal experience or at least some inside knowledge of some kind and I say that in the most complimentary way because I think you did a great job. Good luck in the contest!
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This was a nicely written piece. I felt like I didn't really have enough time to get a firm grasp on the emotions flaring between the two, or especially in Michael. Rather, it might be that I felt like they flared too soon, that time wasn't taken to let me feel them grow into that flare. I did like the portrayal of Michael's attitude toward Claire. To me, it was reckless from a lack of hope and a lack of something to live for, which is definitely in the original story that I myself wrote. Nothing really to mention about grammar or spelling, which made me happy. ^.^ I did notice one thing though that seemed to be a contradiction of sorts. In the very beginning, fourth paragraph, it said, "Dr. Claire seemed to grow angry," but then when she spoke, she only "cooly inquired." Personally, the two seemed to conflict together. Still, I did enjoy reading this and it was interesting to see the way you portrayed Michael and his 'situation,' heh. Well done here, thanks for your entry and good luck in my contest.
-Renae.
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