Stephanie turned around and gasped. The monster was behind her, again; it had been stalking her, sniffing out her every movement. She started to cry. There was no escape, no way out.1
Drooling, the huge beast came closer, a bloody grin transfixed to its face. It had about as much intelligence as much as a four-year-old. Though, this monster was no child. It came here to feed.2
Stephanie cried out, “Stop! Please! I didn’t mean to hurt you!” But the horrific monster wouldn’t listen. It only sought revenge and Stephanie had merely been in the wrong place at the wrong time. The beast would not leave until it's hunger was satisfied.3
Stephanie backed up against the wall, breathless, her blue tank top straps scraping against the cold concrete. Her long, brown hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, side bangs sprawled across her forehead. Her pale complexion was a perfect compliment to her chocolate brown, doe eyes. Even with matted hair and a mudsplattered top, she was very beautiful. Though clearly that did not matter to the monster that stood in front of her.4
She pressed her cheek against her shoulder, trying to cover her face with her hair without making much movement. Stephanie had realized a while back that the monster was blind and that it used its instincts and sense of smell to track down its prey. With this piece of information in mind, she had been able to make intelligent moves that helped her gain mere seconds to escape. 5
Stephanie glanced to her right. She was in an old office building, probably a newspaper press. There was a stack of 1986 newspapers that were crinkled and worn from time. She wondered why no one had taken the building down yet, but that thought drifted when she remembered the situation she was in. So she looked to the left and saw a large trash bin three rooms down from where she was. It was stuffed with banana peels, grimy old newspaper articles, and Starbuck’s coffee cups.6
If I could just get over there before the beast comes too close, I can hide my smell in all that junk! thought Stephanie.7
She glanced back at the monster. It was still drooling but looked confused as it wandered slightly, trying to regain the advantage it had, trapping the girl in a corner. The trace of her own scent was scarce now, since she had been running through sewers and who knows what else.8
It was time to make her grand escape.9
Stephanie suddenly jumped up from her stooped position and sprinted towards the waste basket. The monster jerked its head up and sniffed madly. It had found her again. The beast raced after her, clumsily knocking over desks on its way.10
Stephanie could see the garbage bin in the next room. It was just large enough for her to fit in if she crouched down. This would get messy.11
When she reached the bin, the monster was almost on top of her. She scrambled into it just as the repugnant beast jumped, baring its egg yellow teeth, narrowing its bright, neon green eyes…12
Stephanie sat up, startled. The porcelein blue bed covers were tangled around her, the pillow no longer under her head but on the floor. She glanced around, frightened, and noticed she was in her own room. The beast was just another nightmare.13
Author notes
"Writing is the art of words"
I used breathless for the first option
A contest entry
- Pictures and Words Tell a Story by Iridescent Love.
700 points, ended April 28, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Nightmare on Elm's Street by C.rimsonQ.uill.
100 points, ended February 24, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Trick or Treat- Halloween by Lady Pixie.
350 points, ended October 31, 29 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
yeahhhhh its weird but about the structure of it...what do you thinkk?
Comments
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This is a good read... well written, and the MC is crafted to make the reader interested in her character. I would have liked more description of the beast though... I had a hard time visualizing it. I could visualize Stephanie and the surroundings, but not it. (which by the way, kudos to you referring to the beast as an 'it' instead of a particular gender
)
Some small suggestions I have:
P1: The monster was behind her, again;
comma is unnecessary after her
P3: The beast would not leave until it's hunger was satisfied.
its (not it's)
I also liked the twist at the end with her waking up from the nightmare- although it was a bit cliche. However, still nicely done and unexpected.
Overall, this was an engaging read and I enjoyed it.
Thank you for entering the contest!
Pixie


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Impressive
I do agree with u about the structure. It is sumwat weird. I wuld also recommend u extended it a little bit. Just to make the structure add up. But overall, I liked it and an excellent ending! Keep up the good work
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Interesting. I like how you ended it where it was just a nightmare. Very cool. An idea that I came up with, and it's just an idea, maybe expand this. Have it where, yeah it was a nightmare, but she soon realizes that it was more than just that or something. Just an idea. Great story though. Keep up the writing. God Bless!




