BackGround Story1
In the galaxy of Kyteris, many different races existed and all of them lived in harmony together. There were the humans who has no magical powers but their knowledge and technologies far surpasses all other races. The orcs who are barbaric creatures who lives in the savage wild lands. They can be quite peaceful at times but dangerous when provoked. They did in-depth study of pyromancy and sorcery. That was serious magic, which could seriously wipe out an entire nation if put to wrong use. There were also elves. These are serene and peaceful creatures that lived in the forest. Being elves they easily excelled at skills such as using herbal or nature magic. Not to mention their keen sense and sharper eye sight which allowed them to be excellent archers. There were also the demons. Those are demon lords who learnt ancient destructive magic spells and their mere existence poses a threat to the whole galaxy. This is why most of them were ether sealed or already slain. It was all in the hope of preventing a catastrophe from occurring. There is also the undead that are made up of mostly slain warriors raised and given another chance to live. The necromancers’ expertise in necromancy and occultism. Strangely unlike in most fantasy stories, these group of undead wishes only to live in peace, and were grateful for the chance of having a second life. This mystery will slowly unfold itself as the story goes. A few necropolises were raised to house the undead all over the world. These are the major races that we find in the galaxy of Kyteris and some other minor races would be slowly unraveled later on. Now this story will be about a special group of human who managed to obtain special powers far beyond imagination. In Human History, this was a breakthrough. The first pioneers of humans who are able to use magic. So here it goes, I present to you...2
Constellations- the Star Story Prologue
I was floating above the battlefield, dead bodies lay to waste all around me. It was a gory sight to behold. The war has been raging for ages between orcs and elves. It was a dispute over border wars, due to some unknown reasons, the orcs had suddenly became aggressive, and started attacking cities. It had never occurred before and I suspect that some other party from other races might be involved. Waves after waves of fire were summoned by the orc shamans obliterating any elves foolish enough to stand in their wake. The elves were obviously losing and had most of their troops slain. No matter how the elves used their magic to defend, their spells and skills could not stand against the great fire storm summoned by the orcs. From the sight of it the elves are desperately retreating to the safety of their forest glade. I sighed. It’s an emergency I told myself. I would have chosen not to use it but it seems like there is no other choice.3
“Shining Force, for years that you have spent serving your master, do you think that I would withdraw at such situation?”4
“Absolutely not, Sire” A strong calm voice accompanied with a radiant glow.5
“Alright now then…” My train of thoughts was suddenly interrupted.6
“Kojiro! Withdraw! We can’t win this battle!” A shout echoed through my head. 7
I recognized the voice. It was from the elf general, Ivor. I shook my head in disapproval as I sent him back the telepathic message.8
“Tell your troops to retreat as far as possible. I’ll take charge from here on.”9
He looked up towards me. Our eyes met for a moment. He seemed to have understood, giving me a nod as a sign of good luck and within moments he rallied all his remaining troops to retreat hastily from the battlefield. I clenched my right fist and held it close to my lips. I have to use it.10
“Put up the barriers and back me up with magical energy.”11
“Yes, Sire.”12
“Veil of Light!”13
Faint glimmer of light began forming around the enemies. It was perfectly cloaked by the sunray that the enemy did not feel anything. Within moments, the barrier was completed and all the remaining orcs were trapped in it and they only realized it after the barrier was completed.14
“Light that penetrates all evil, come to me as I summon you.”15
Six white spheres of energy began glowing around my right fist. Once again the sun had well hidden my skills. The spheres of energy started to disperse and floated around me. They started to take in rays of magical powers expanding slowly into the size of a basketball.16
“By divine prayers I shall summon forth the sword that pieces the heart of evil, a true noble spirit that dwells within the light”17
The spheres of energies were charged to its full capacity. Small golden rays began circling around the energies confirming this.18
Foolish human, Zul’Aran the orc shaman thought. What will he gain by protecting us? Is he trying to destroy the area around us? Maybe he’s trying to stop us from chasing the remaining elves.19
“Don’t move my troops, let’s wait in the barrier and see what happens! That foolish human might be trying to cut us from our pursuit of the enemies!” He rallied to his troops.20
“Absorb power in the sky and become the energy that cleanses all evil! Executioner’s Ray!!”21
The skies turned dark for a moment, making the energy spheres the only source of light. Each of them glowed brighter for a moment before turning themselves into a laser projectile, and accelerating into the barrier. Strangely, the lasers pierced through the barrier as if they were paper. One could easily identify the fear and panic in the faces of the orcs as they started to run around wildly trying to dodge the lasers. It was a chaotic sight, but what surprised them was the lasers even though pierced through their body, did no harm at all to them. Instead they all sunk into the ground, vanishing as if the ground had swallowed them.22
“It’s over” I thought. 23
My body started to weaken. Every single bit of magic energy that I’ve got was drained off in using that spell. I even lost the ability to maintain my presence in the air. Shining Force slowly faded from view, taking his leave as if to leave me all alone to suffer for the consequences that I have chosen. My body started to fall like a rock slowly building up speed as the distance between the ground and I lessen. I of course had expected this to happen but I was sure that, that spell would have obliterated every single living orc that are trapped in the barrier. Unfortunately, it did not seem that way. My spell seems to have no effect on the orcs. 24
“I’m so dead” those words kept playing in my mind.25
As I fall nearly to a tall tree length before I crashed onto the ground, I could hear a clear and beautiful voice, it chanted.26
“Oh swirling mist, become the cradle that holds life! Mystic Web!!”27
Slowly I could feel the air beneath me gathered and cushioned my fall slowly from a rocket speed slowly to the speed of a feather falling onto the ground. Slowly I was being carried slowly to the ground. My body rested on the surface as the air currents dissipates into the air, by then my body was already too weak, al I could get was a glimpse of my savior before I passed out.28
There was a huge joyous laughter over at the orcs. The spell has no effect on them and they were in joy. Zul’Aran himself managed to join in the “celebration” before getting serious again. 29
“Lets us waste no time my fellow mates! We have wasted enough time and we must continue the pursuit! We must raze their beautiful forest and annihilate all our enemies, come to me my faithful shamans! Let us chant together in fervent spirit!”30
A circle was formed around him as he started to chant.31
“Oh chained beast bound to me by contract, come to me as I summon you,”32
The sky was filled with screams of terror and fears, and the chanting was interrupted. What Zul’Aran saw was something that he could have never ever forgotten in his whole life. Massive spheres of energy began to expand rapidly, from the point where the lasers touched the surface, consuming everything on its path. It was a pandemonium seeing the orcs scatter in all direction trying to escape from the energy blasts, but to no avail as all of them were trapped in the barrier. Zul’Aran in a desperate bid, he commanded his shamans to create a barrier and try to hold back the explosion. The barrier did its job, preventing the mass from expanding for a few moments before giving way. 33
I guess it’s the end; I have underestimated that foolish human. I’m sorry master I can’t serve you anymore. Zul’Aran thought before the mass of plasma energy devour his body completely. The barrier that Shining Force placed managed to sustain the blast keeping everything in. It was a destructive sight. Every single orc trapped in was completely obliterated. Not even a single corpse remained. 34
After a few minutes, the barrier wore off and everything was back to normal. Red and green orbs started to appear in the aftermath of the battlefield. Slowly they floated a little before accelerating themselves to a lady who stood by the forest. All of the orbs went into an amulet that she held on her hand. In no time all the orbs were absorbed into the amulet. She flashed a satisfied smile before melding into the forest glade…35
Author notes
Do leave a comment& suggestions that you have! Its my first fantasy story!
In a list
- Moonlight Howls group list • next in list
A contest entry
- SUPER POWERS!!! by Aaez.
135 points, ended December 18, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Epic Fantasy Battle by Blazing Writer.
775 points, ended July 23, 10 entries
Honorable winner
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What do you think about the story?
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Cool! I really like this. You got me captured and I felt like I saw it with my own eyes.
Very nice job. A few spelling mistakes but that happens to everyone.
I will continue reading this.
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^.^ I missed this but I liked this all the same It's a really good beginning and I liked this story so far it's an interesting plot
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This sounds like a story my friend is writing, except it is like a midevil thing...Anyway, sounds interestin
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Nicely done, bro! Your descriptions were really engaging, and while the powers seemed to borrow heavily from anime, the plot held up really well, considering it was only a prologue. I like the blending of mythical/ancient creatures with sci-fi powers, and I have to give this one a solid thumb's-up!
Nice write!
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I really like this one!!
This story had a great plot-line, and a greaaattt descriptions...the powers were good...and i enjoyed every bit of the story!! was specially impressed by the original names!! i cannot do that!! but ur good!! i liked ur story!! alot!!!
good luck in the contest!! ^^ -
I really like this . . .
However, you do need a better 'hook' for this. It is a prologue, so it needs to be dynamic. Punch me in the Mouth! Make me sit up and beg for more. Grab me by the neck and shake me. Me, I never write prologues, most readers want to cut to the chase. I personally enjoy prologues, but they need 'bite' to make me turn the page. While you are writing the story, it is yours. When it is down on the page, it belongs to the reader. I firmly believe that this is so.
You have a fine talent. Hone it to it's 'Nth' degree. This is going to be very good write for you. -
you are definitely fast! thamks for pointing out. Your this story i dont quite understand.. Profound.. next time explain to me! hah
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Very Well Done!
Well, this story has a a lot of potential. You just need to learn the few things I learned when I first joined. Watch your words. If one sounds odd, or doesn't mean the something you think it means; people will notice.
I love the storyline for this short. In the beginning you tell a little too much about what's going on and the history of the place we're going to read about. If you spend too much time talking about facts in the beginning, people are going to be less apt to finish your story, or finish the beginning.
Now, I've tacked on some of the mistakes I caught. I listed only the most important ones. As to not make this comment really, really long.
All in all, I liked the beginning concept for this story. I think you've got some polishing to do, (as do I ) and you'll get it done and this will be an excellent story. Just remember, don't reveal too much in the beginning. : )
Second Line, {human} should be {humans}
Fifth Line- {Those were dangerous Magic which could..} should be
{That was serious magic, which could}
Don't know what line but is in the first beginning section- {They excel at the knowledge of herbs and nature magic} should be something like, { They excelled at using the knowledge they learned about herbs and nature magic} or { Being elves they easily excelled at skills such as using herbal or nature magic.} something along those lines.
{This is why till this day most of them were either sealed or already slain to prevent a catastrophe from occurring.}
Should be something like-
{This is why most of them were ether sealed or already slain. It was all in the hope of preventing a catastrophe from occurring.}
{This was a breakthrough in the human history. } I would take the {The} out and just say { In Human History}
{So here goes I present to you…} I am unsure about this line.
{So here it goes, I present to you..} is probably what you meant to say. ha ha.
{I was floating above the battlefield( , ) Dead bodies lay to waste all around me.} Should be a comma in between Battlefield and dead bodies. The period there isn't needed, you say "I was floating above the battlefield" and then go on to say as a completely different sentance about the dead bodies around you. Comma my friend, all you needed was a pause. : )
Line 9 (By SW acount) {“Tell you troops to run as far as you could. I’ll take charge from here on.”} Should be {Your Troops} or {The Troops} and shouldn't be run it should be retreat. As an elf running would be cowardly and dishonorable. Retreating sounds more military than skittish. lol.
Line 10- {He seems to have understood, } should be {seemed}
Line 11- {“Put up the barriers and back me up with magical energy.”} this line seems strange. Energy to elves is magical, so saying Magical Energy is awkward. Try using a different word with the same meaning as magical such as- Enchanted, Divine or Mystical. One of those words would flow much better. : )
Good Job so far, just fix some of the spelling and grammar problems and you'll be well on you're way to an awesome tale! I know a lot about elves and orcs, (Theoretically, since they don't exsist. I've read lots of books about them and stuff.) So if you have any questions I'll answer them right away!
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MORE HUNKI MORE
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brillant!
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Awesome first attempt
congratulations mate, that was an excellent first fantasy story!
lol, well, i dont want to boast about being an excellent fatntasy writer, but i have written my fair share of fantasy stories (check my page
) but this is an exceedingly interesting story!
im not into the whole 'spell casting' thing, you know, where they say spells and stuff, but it actually seemed cool to be doing stuff like that. description was excellent, and, with many fantasy stories, you need description (alot) in order to create the world of whats happening, as well as create the scene in the reader's mind.
or thats what i think anyways, lol
Kudos to you!
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Fantasy is hard to get a grip of, you are trying to describe something that is not real, and sell it to a person who knows nothing of what is in your mind when you are writing it, but you are doing a brilliant job, I can understand where you are going with it and the describtion is down to a tee, some minor spelling mistakes and such like but with re-drafts it will be fine, a work of art in the making keep it up.
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abosolutly brilliant!!!
very short. I need to read more to realy judge the story but whatever you do dont stop writing!
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Fantasy is much harder to write than other genres simply because the world described in the story only exists within the writer's mind.
I think you've portrayed fairly well what's inside your mind as far as this concept goes.
One suggestion that I thought spellcheck wouldn't point:
"Now this story will be about a special group of human who managed to obtain special powers way beyond imagination."
The tone of this piece doesn't suggest the word 'way' to me. 'Far beyond imagination' seems to fit better.
I haven't written fantasy except about cats, so basically I'm not experienced with this type of thing. All I can say to you is that you have a good start here, something that could easily become epic with effort.
Peace, love, and yellow submarines,
~_^Lumina
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For your first fantasy story I could see it easily sitting on a bookshelf at my local bookstorr with a bit of work.. to buil it up into a full story.... It was a great backround storyline, and a skilled prologue... I think the way you deomnstarted magic in this part reflected well on the characters and personalitys and current situation...
If you ever need help woth research on occult www.occultencycloedia.com well I dunno how to spell but u get my drift ...IT's full of stuff you can use in any story....
As well if you need any help otherwise I will be glad to help you
I enjoyed it from start to finish much like all your stories..keep up the great work and PLEASE CONTINUE THIS STORY......
and Praise Blair xoxox
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Great beginning.
You have a few missing words here and there and quotation marks. When you go through and edit, you'll no doubt find them and make corrections.
This is going to turn out very well.
Keep on with it!
Lis
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Interesting and intriguing
I like where this is going, however the narrative in the beginning was too personal... it seemed that it was coming from a storyteller, was this your intention? Otherwise, excellent write... I look forward to more..
DarkOne -
Woooooow this was a great first fantasy story! So good! Sooooo good! I loved it! The details are uncanny and...WOW!
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