Of Sandboxes and Syndromes

Remember our sandbox of gravel and garbage? How we always called them sandboxes and not sand castles? How our hands dug in the crud of the beach and we laughed at all the stupid things people throw away? 1

Remember how we would always play JOES in the sand? Using whatever we found to make forts, or castles, or whatever the hell you'd call them, and how that one time we found a tampon, and we were both too young to know what it was, so we placed it at the top of the sandbox, and paraded it around like it was the flagpole...and yeah, then mom came around and she looked at us and she goes…she goes…2

Oh, she was so mad. 3

Thinking back on it, that's really some funny shit. 4

But, I guess we all eventually have to grow up. 5

So one day, you didn't want to build the sandboxes anymore. Or play JOES for that matter. They were boring to you. 6

But I kept building them, because they weren't boring to me yet. Remember, I kept building them for you, still expecting us to...I don't know. 7

Anyway, you may not remember this, but the last one I built, you laughed at. You laughed in my face, maybe because your friends were there, or you wanted to, or your friends started laughing at me so you felt that peer obligation. I don't know. You never explained. Anyway, I didn't want to embarass you, or humiliate myself further, so I asked what you wanted me to do.8

Remember what you said? You told me to fucking bury it. 9

You remember? I don't think I knew what you meant. I got the gist though.10

Bury it. 11

So, without hesitation, I stomped it. 12

Just like I built it for you, I destroyed it for you as well, each kick aimed just right, to bring it crumbling down. I felt exhilarated, like maybe we were a team again. I even asked if you wanted to help me destroy it. I thought that was what you wanted; I thought it was a new game. I thought we had somehow evolved together to this new stage of mature ultra-violence.13

But you weren't happy. You told me to go away. You went off with your friends and you threatened to beat me when I tried to follow. 14

So there I stood, feet covered in sand, and tears streaming down my face like the prissy naive little brother I was.15

I stood there, and watched you walk away.16

You never looked back. 17

You never would again.18

We continued to grow up.19

And we continued to grow apart.20

We would never be as close again as we were before that moment.21

It's strange how we become defined one trauma at a time. 22

I had gotten so used to us being a team. When we were really young, I was the one that pushed you around in the go-car’s and not the other way around. I stole the cheetos so that you could have some too. I always shared things, and gave things up so you could have them. I guess I got so used to us being the team that I never really got a life of my own. I never learned how to get friends of my own. Stupidly, I never thought I would need them. I assumed you would always be around. 23

See, people didn’t like me the way they liked you. You just had this, thing, this ability to talk to people. To make friends. 24

And I just had you, and when you left I had no one. 25

I was alone. 26

Over time, I learned to live with that. But that doesn't mean you should have to. 27

So coming here, I figued I’d build you one last sandbox. I mean, there is enough soil here to do it, and I’ve got some of our oldest toys, stuff I could never quite bring myself to sell, so you’ll never have be alone like I was. I know everyone else brought you flowers, but I didn’t figure flowers would really be a good idea, you know being that I’m a guy, you’re a guy and well that doesn’t really seem right. 28

Even if you are my brother. 29

So anyway, it's getting cold and I better hurry up, but just in case you were wondering, I thought I would do the best I could to try and explain myself. 30

So, I’ll build this sandbox, one last time so you never have to be alone, and this time no one--only the wind, and the rain, the essence of time will destroy it. 31

But that won’t happen for a while, because I’m building it really…really well. To make it last, you know. 32

Mom hugs your portrait sometimes, squeezes it so hard, I can't help but wonder if she thinks maybe you’ll pop back out again or something. 33

I worry about it, and I’m sure you do too. She even steals your sheep at night from wherever you count them, and cries out for you in the language of her sleep. 34

But don’t worry, because I’ve got that portrait now; I took it you know? Right out of her room, so now maybe she’ll remember to forget you because it isn’t there anymore. 35

I'm going to bury it with this shovel, so that she won’t come looking for it. Maybe things will easier with it gone. 36

This is so weird talking to you like this.37

And its even weirder knowing that you aren’t even there to really hear it. You know, cause I always thought that there would be tommorow, or the next day. The next time you came home. 38

Maybe I thought we would talk over a cigarette, or a cup of coffee.39

I hope you're not mad at us. 40

I hope that you don’t think we have forgotten you, because Godamnit when shit like this happens you can’t expect us, or anyone to understand. 41

I asked for the flag, I let you die, I let... 42

But, you have to understand, they said they never found your body…they never…never…I HAD TO LET YOU DIE! I HAD TO LET YOU GO! I HAD TOO! 43

Its been six years! 44

Six years of not being able to forget, of not being able to go on! 45

To move on, like you’re supposed too. 46

I don't know, maybe that’s why I’m really building this sandbox; this one last sandbox, because I want you to come back, so we can tear this motherfucker apart together, so that we can stomp it until not even the dust mites can recognize what it was. 47

How pathetic this must all seem to you. I'm sorry about that. I was never good at any of these things ah...but...48

Fuck.49

Ok, alright. This...just one last thing.50

You see, I guess my little brother syndrome made me blind. You know, cause what I realize standing here, is that there is a bigger brother syndrome too, only, I wanted you to laugh at me forever.

Author notes

Yes, there are a lot of strange grammatical errors in this, but I wrote this to be spoken, not read neccesarily, thus the ands in the beginning of the sentances. This is also a short story which I cut down for the sake of this contest, and I felt that this was acceptable entry because it is all about trying to live without the person who you dependent on? About things that you never got to say--feelings you never got to show. I don't know if this fits your contest or not. I hope it does. The writing is not tight, because the speaker is not a writer. He is supposed to be a little dumb and have no good way of explaining himself.

I don't know if I would call this my favorite, but the idea and image behind this story always seemed so powerful that I became compelled to write it. It's unfortunate to me that this version is such a hack, because locked on a computer I can't retrieve it from is a far better, more complete telling. This also is one of the only finished stories I have on the site, so I hope you like it.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • iCats gold member
    October 20

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    Hey.

    Firstly thanks for entering.
    This was a really touching piece, the emotion was just right, suggesting this is wrote from personal experience. The flow is really good, the language just showing the powerful emotion you were aiming at.

    Thanks once again for entering, best of luck in the contest.

    Staci

  • felanor
    June 7

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    Wowzers!

    This is a really touching piece. If I had to guess, I'd almost say you were writing from personal experience, because that's the emotion I'm getting from you. This is beautifully written and I think the little grammatical nuances fit the type of story perfectly.

    You mentioned that this was part of a larger story. I'd love to read it if you want to include a link to it in the comment.

    Thanks for entering my contest and best of luck to you!

    ~Felanor


  • Hinata-is-me silver member
    May 27

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    this was an amazingly powerful write. You are one of the best entries I have recieved. Great job and good luck!


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    May 16
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    Very powerful and wonderfully written. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
    Brooke


  • Valkyrie silver member
    April 30

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    Very well done. I like how you had this whole story, and never came out and said he was building a sandcastle at a grave. I like how that blossomed in my mind. I love the realistic feelings of anger, confusion, love, frustration and reminiscence that the character goes through, in all the right places. Truly a great write.


  • Mel-the-Believer
    December 4, 2008

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    I really enjoyed this. I loved the emotion that filled each word. It was almost like I could hear him speaking to his brother about the past. Excellently done. Thank you so much for entering. God Bless!


  • quicksilver moon
    August 30, 2008

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    wow,you've packed strong emotions behind those words. I loved it, the way he talked, curses and all. It was strange the way he was thinking but I found I sympathized with the character at times. Nice work! Thanks for entering this story in the contest!


  • Naive.
    June 8, 2008

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    Jesus Christ. -.- See, I thought I had already read my favorite out of all the entries in this contest, and then I read THIS. O.O Wow. You changed my mind.

    This was amazing. I just love the whole idea of this; the frustration, the agnst, the cursing, the shame. Every paragraph revealed a new emotion, a new powerful description. The strange sentences and errors were perfect because they fit in so well with the character. I cannot find anything that I wish you would change. Incredible job.

    Thanks so much for entering my contest, and good luck!

    -jj

    I NEED MORE APPLAUSE FOR YOU. xD.


  • SimplyTaylor
    March 18, 2008

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    This was incredibly striking...I'll admit I'm blinking back the tears.

    "...because I want you to come back, so we can tear this motherfucker apart together..." I about lost it at this line.

    The trailing sentences and concise descriptions were just so well suited to the voice of the story; I don't care if they're incorrect because they're so right, so powerful, and so well done. Great work.
    *bookmark*


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    February 26, 2008
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    fits in nicely

    I like the style and understand that the dialogue was the style intended and not some some standardized prose. it was also a good emotional piece and I don't often buy into that.
    Probably a finalist but fortunately I have had a few good entries to review. Thanks for entering.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • beezy92
    February 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Got it.

    I'm glad you put that qualification in your notes. I still don't like the capitalization mistakes, but I get it. I liked it a lot...it wasn't exactly what I was looking for imagery wise but the writing was so good that it's going to the finalist list anyway (=

    "It's strange how we become defined one trauma at a time." I love that line! I'm gonna use that quote sometime (=

    Anyway great write! Thanks for sharing. I hope that wsn't a true story But if it was, kudos on how you came to grips with everything.


    • iliad
      February 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you for your kind response. I felt this story was appropriate for your contest because the image this is based around haunted me until I wrote it down. I saw a man in a cemetary building a sandcastle by a grave, and I had to know what the story was. I had to write it down. I am happy you enjoyed it.


  • whatami
    January 2, 2008
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    i loved it. just..hit me in a special way.


  • RoseBlossom100
    December 20, 2007

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    Contest Hostess Review

    Six Traits Of Writing


    Ideas and content: Your details do not distract. It seems fresh.

    Organization: The organization fits the style and theme of the piece. It does seem as if you are speaking and because it is obvious from the start it doesn't make the audience confused.

    Voice: The voice was very clear and unique. It revealed true feeling and remorse.

    Word Choice: Not the best but not bad. It fits the style.

    Sentence Fluency: It flowed just the right amount for a spoken piece. It gave the sense that there is a loss for word which also adds the emotion.

    Conventions: Other than intentional blunders I didn't really pick out any mistakes.


    Contest Qualifications

    Detail: Not totally saturated but for this style it fit. Of course this is a contest on detail so it is a little hard.

    Emotion: I could tell the emotion was there and it really worked.


    Thank you for your entry. I liked this piece. Good luck in the contest.


  • Doomsday Clock
    December 3, 2007
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    There is no other way to read it other than as a monologue. Its painful, sad, a bit... I don't want to say funny, but there is a hint of humor at the start.

    An amazing piece-you should put up the short story version-I'd deffinately read it after this!

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