The Conscience of a Normal Man

Auldous Ford resided in New Mexico, for the most part.  He had no real home–or at least no physical evidence of one.  His home was New Mexico, but never did he know a roof.  He slept where his knees weakened and ate what dwelled near.  The year during which our Auldous lived was eighteen and seventy-eight.  He had lived through twenty-three others before that particular year, but most of his living happened in just this one.  1

Contrary to popular and over-romanticized belief, there were some males alive in the West in the nineteenth century that were not singing cowboys or rebellious gunslingers.  There also lived a race of men that were seemingly–despite my distaste for the word–normal.  2

And what defines a normal man?  Many things constitute normalcy, but in order not to stray from the subject at hand, our focus shall be but upon one–perhaps few more–characteristics of a, so-called, “normal man.”3

Auldous Ford, being the normal man that he was, felt a love deeper than the canyons through which he roamed.  Lanier Crawford was Auldous’ best friend.  She was a companion to him when no other could be found–that is if she could be found.  Let it be recognized that in a space as vast as that of which I have addressed, one is not always easily located.  Located or not–Auldous was in love with Lanier and could not help but share with her his thoughts and feelings about what should be the nature of their association.  Despite her love for Auldous, Lanier felt quite differently than did he about their affiliation.  She saw him as a friend–a brother.  And as everyone is aware, it is simply not fitting for one to lie with his or her relatives.  4

Also posing as an obstacle in Auldous’ grand scheme of unity with his sisterly friend, was a slightly more handsome gentleman of similar age to Auldous and Lanier.  Lowell Shelley was the object of Lanier’s affection for the time being.  Rarely if ever was Lanier satisfied with her choice of partners, and therefore, would exchange one for another on a roughly biweekly basis.  5

A terrible confusion burdened our sweet Auldous over this unlikely pairing of souls.  He was well aware of Lanier’s indecisiveness, and wondered, sometimes aloud to invisible beings, what on Earth a free-spirited and internally beautiful woman could gain from the company of such a buffoon as this Lowell Shelley character.  He lacked integrity, along with other things, such as care for Lanier.  Lanier seemed to be a spirit incapable of capture, and Lowell was–metaphorically speaking–an idiot with a lucky trap.   6

Auldous questioned, on the basis of mental health, whether he should wait for Lanier’s love to transform into something parallel to the way he felt, or if he should settle for the friendship they now had and move about the desert as any normal man would. 7

For one hundred twenty-one nights and one fewer days, the mythical figures upon Auldous’ shoulders that made up his conscience launched flaming arrows and harsh words across his head toward one another.  The battle ended, however, during the transition of the one hundred twenty-first night and the following morning.8

Upon the former, dear Auldous had met a Mexican woman of twenty-eight years of age.  While letting his rusty-colored horse sip patiently at a small pond off-shooting from the Big River that separated one country from another, Adrianna Salvatore, who spoke English fluently, made Auldous aware of her presence.  So taken aback was he by her beauty, that he was able to silence the war on his shoulders and stare into the woman’s flaming eyes for what seemed like one hundred twenty-one more days.9

Shortly after Auldous’ introduction to Adrianna, he read something in her eyes, on her lips, and in her long dark hair.  She involuntarily sent the message that she had harbored some interest in acquainting herself with him for quite some time; she had seen him several times–without being seen herself–at this same pond.10

When his time came to travel, Auldous disappeared in the morning darkness without farewell to the beautiful Ms. Salvatore.  For the next four days, Adrianna haunted his every step.  Anywhere Auldous saw light, he saw her face.  Her spirit visited in the shadows, as well.  The entities on either side of his head were startled from their peaceful slumber within these days and began again to taunt him.  They did not fight each other at this point.  They had but one message to convey, and they screamed into his ears without relent all throughout the half-week.  Auldous needed this Mexican Queen of the Oasis.11

On the fifth day since that of Auldous’ and Adrianna’s acquaintance, they met again.  With this second meeting, the shoulder ghosts were again silenced, and Adrianna’s beauty had grown to six thousand times its original intensity.  Never had someone as radiant as the striking Ms. Salvatore shown interest in Auldous, with the exception of Lanier Crawford.  But that was a different type of interest all-together, and at this point, Lanier was the last of Auldous’ concerns.  The stars with all their charm and the moon, a sliver stone, went completely unnoticed by Auldous this night.  For, he had Adrianna to look upon and marvel.  The evening lasted until deep night came, and night–until morning.  Auldous was quite unaware of it, but he was forgetting Lanier and falling in love with another.  This was just the remedy for which Auldous had been searching.12

Within one week of their second encounter, Auldous and Adrianna had realized and eventually verbalized their feelings, wishes, and desires.  They would have no other but one another, and this was to be mutual.  And so it was.13

Of course, one cannot expect–though he sometimes does–to find a mate that has no undesirable qualities.  And Auldous, being a normal man, had met Adrianna, a normal woman, who had certain flaws–as any normal woman does.  14

Adrianna’s affinity to Auldous was made possible by her tendency to reach out and grab the first thing that she though could bring her comfort.  Also in grasping for comfort and pleasure, Adrianna had picked up along the way an addictive habit, as was typical of her personality. 15

The cacti of the region in which our lovers dwelt produced an edible substance known to help one get in touch with his or her spirit.  Though Auldous had no trouble communicating with his spirit and its shoulder-stomping sub-spirits, Adrianna did not know this luxury.  In addition to “spiritual enlightenment,” as some users would call it, the drug also was capable of producing visualizations–hallucinations, if you will.  16

Auldous soon grew weary of his lover’s burden.  He was becoming quite intolerant of Adrianna’s escaping conversation in order to run, flailing, after a West-Indian Horn-Footed Tumbleweed Rabbit.  Its name was Ferguson, she would tell him.  Auldous’ once-gleaming love was becoming quickly discouraged.  17

One evening just before his departure, Auldous confessed quite assuredly his love for Adrianna.  For, in the moment, he was blinded by the problem that he constantly pondered upon while not with her.  She questioned his sincerity and failed to return the message as convincingly as he thought he had.  But the next evening after much passion and tumbling about ‘neath the black sky, Adrianna suffered the same blindness that Auldous had experienced and verbally returned her love.18

Despite the constant enjoyment of her company, the worry that Auldous gave in to when he was not with Adrianna far surpassed the joy that he felt when he was with her.  Something had to happen.  At this point, the war on Auldous’ shoulders had become a violent explosion of confusion and mental agony.  19

On the Sabbath day following the Monday upon which Adrianna’s love was established, Auldous set out upon a routine visit.  There was a surreal air noted by Auldous, however, that disturbed him.  His horse appeared larger than normal and galloped more swiftly than he had ever forced it to.  But the horse’s speed was voluntary.  Auldous was on a mission that he yet knew nothing about.  20

When he arrived at Adrianna’s adobe hut, he went inside and sat opposite her.  He told her about the horse’s gait.  Then, as if a gunshot had roused them, Auldous’ shoulder-mounted consciences appeared and screamed at him simultaneously.  He knew what he was there to do.21

He escorted Adrianna to an area just outside her house for a nice breeze and a chat.  His consciences possessed him, and he said exactly what he wanted to say–exactly what he meant.22

On his trip back to the rock that had been his pillow for the past days, he immediately regretted having ended his relationship with the lovely Adrianna Salvatore.  But within two days, his decision was justified by rumors of Adrianna’s drunken escapades in Town the night after he had done his deed.  23

For the next one hundred twenty-one days, the comfort that was anticipated with time never came.  24

He saw Lanier regularly, and his love for her grew to the point that it had reached before the beautiful Adrianna appeared in his life.  Lanier no longer practiced any type of courtship with the–in Auldous’ eyes–villainous Lowell Shelly, but she maintained that in order to preserve something as sacred as the friendship that she and Auldous shared, nothing more should become of the two than what already was.25

Auldous became unable to endure the loneliness and constant melancholy reminiscing that had become his day-to-day existence.  He still passed Adrianna from time to time when resting his horse at the pond at which they met, but few words were exchanged.  Auldous sometimes thought that he recognized a gleam in Adrianna’s eyes that sent the message that he had received so long ago, and this troubled him.  He worried that he had given up on something good much to quickly.26

One morning Auldous Ford’s head rolled abruptly from the rock upon which it rested.  Adrianna’s face flashed in his eyes as it did every time he woke up, or blinked, or inhaled, or exhaled.  But this morning was different.  As if a supreme being grabbed him by his collar and jerked him to his feet, he leapt to attention.  27

He immediately mounted his horse and rode in the direction of the Big River.  He shook his head and wiped his face to wake himself on the journey.28

When his destination was reached, he began his mission by asking Adrianna how she was.  “Just okay,” came her reply.  “I’m no good at all,” was his response to the same question.  Auldous proceeded to spill forth his soul and how he missed Adrianna so terribly.  29

A solemn look came over Adrianna’s face.  This look had been on Auldous’ face the whole time.  It had been on his face since the last time he had visited Adrianna’s hut.30

Auldous’ shoulders were alive with yells and outbursts.  They knew, and in turn, he knew.  Adrianna had found a new normal man.  Her eyes screamed it.  Her hair whispered it.  The truth radiated from her without her uttering a word.  He should have known.  Leaving Adrianna dissatisfied would surely be an opening for another lucky bastard to move in and swoop up the jewel that Auldous had discarded.  And such had been the situation.31

So with his tail between his legs, Auldous Ford climbed atop his horse and parted swiftly for his rock.32

Auldous had never experienced such a vast flood of emotions, ideas, and opinions in all his years.  The ride home was a numbing experience for him.  The flow of questions, sadness, and anger paralyzed him. He rode sitting straight and staring straighter.  The sunset inhaled him at a startling pace.  His best and only friend Lanier Crawford couldn’t soothe his pain.  She was probably enjoying the company of some unworthy imbecile far away from where she could be found.  That seemed to be the case more often that not.33

The emotions had become a parasite and continued to remove the spirit from Auldous’ body.  At length, his brain gave up.  His heart and any joy or hope soon followed.  And, finally, his soul died.  With unmatched grace and almost equal beauty, his spine relaxed, and his shoulders and head went back, removing him from his saddle and placing him, after almost a full backward somersault, face down upon a rather large rock.  Blood trickled from his forehead.  He was gone, but at least he suffered no more emotional discomfort.  It was likely that he suffered no more physical discomfort either, at this point.  His horse strode steadily toward the sun.34

A funeral was held for Auldous four days later after a messenger stumbled across his body and the rock that became his final pillow.  There were four people visible at the funeral: the priest, two grave diggers, and Auldous himself.  The prayer was short, and no one wept.  Lanier Crawford was unable to attend, due to preoccupation with the good Lowell Shelley.  At least that was the consensus between the two cynical fellows on either of Auldous’ lifeless shoulders.35