my happy place

As I stand on the top of the stairs I think about my life and wonder what’s so good about it? The day is bright and sunny, the warmth in the air is almost soothing from the previous cold winter. I then could hide the scars of the hurt in my life, I then had an excuse for what I was wearing but now I don’t. They see this now and can never let it go. Pay me out, provoke me you name it they will do. It never use to be like this I never use to have these scars, it all happened when my parents split.1

I naturally went with my mother, as we have this unspoken bond between us that started from birth. When I was ten years of age she gave me a chain bracelet and told me that if I was ever upset to just look at it and it would take me to a happy place. Then it was perfect but now it is not. We moved far away from my father, so my mothers heart would stop breaking and it was the worst thing to do, because her heart would split even more. She met someone new, who was twice her age, you could say he was a very powerful man. 2

He sent me to a private school so I could get the best education that money could buy, Money could buy anything. I had everything that a 13 year old would ever want. I had the best of friends, they were great, clothes and jewelry and it was all because of him. He seemed to like me from the start, but I could never feel comfortable being in a room alone with him, but soon that day came. 3

He gave my mother a job and soon enough she had to go away for a week to see a client. I didn’t want her to go, but I couldn’t stop her she was happy  with her new job and I didn’t want to crush it. It happened the second night my mother was away. After dinner and after all the servants had left, he asked me to see him in his bedroom, I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want to anger him either. After three hours of gruesome pain, disgust and trying to get away, he finally let me go. That was the night my innocence was taken. 4

As I walked to my room, crying in pain and in hurt I passed the kitchen and saw the knife left by the cook, you could say I wanted to take away the pain, to get out of this place so I slit myself and didn’t stop.5

I woke up in the hospital drowsy, yet surprised at where I was. My mother was seated next to me, her eyes swollen and red with tears streaming out of them. I found out by her that he does have a conscious He found me on the kitchen floor shortly after I fainted and rang the ambulance as soon as he found the phone. The doctor found the bruises and the tearing and told my mother. 6

My mother knew it was him so she left him and swore that he would get what he deserved for doing what he did to me, her only daughter. 7

She worked long hours to get the money to take him to court and keep me in school, where I use to like attending. They all knew at school, they knew what happened to me, they looked at me in disgust, not sorrow, they looked at me like it was my fault.8

Mum only scraped enough money each week for the lawyer and my schooling, we lived in this dingy apartment with only one bedroom. I even started working at the local supermarket to pay for the rent and part of my schooling, you know to help mum out. 9

Finally the court hearing came and the decision was made whether he got what he deserved or didn’t. As I had believed in before, money could buy anything and in this case it bought his freedom. 10

My mother was distraught and started to get into the booze, she drank every day and every night, rarely ever going to work because she either was drunk or asleep. 11

I had two jobs and worked late hours to pay the bills, I took care of my mum, when she didn’t yell at me or hate me for wrecking her life and I did my homework. I wanted to stay at the same school even though I didn’t like attending, but it was a great reference for any university that was worth going to. I didn’t make enough money to pay for my schooling but as I got top marks in each class the school decided to keep me on for half the price, if I could keep my marks up. 12

Because I worked late hours, I did most of my assignments and homework at school. They teased me , it was a daily routine for them. They said things like I’m poor because I don’t have a mobile and all my things are cheap and ‘gay’. They said that I’m ugly and that if anyone liked me they had no taste. They also said that I’m chubby and that I should lose a little weight and that if I jumped in the ocean with the whales id fit in just fine. I hated them, I cant believe I used to like them, how could they be so cruel? I did nothing to them.13

I step up to the railing on the stairs and looked down below. I was hurt but maybe what I was about to do would stop the hurting. As I looked down below I remembered that night, how my innocence was lost and how he got away with it by money and power. I couldn’t take it anymore, my life was not worth living.14

I tied one end of the rope to one of the railings and then put the other end around my neck. But do you know the thing that hurts the most, is my best friends names are ‘They.’15

Dangling from her scared wrist was a chain bracelet, hopefully for her case it took her to a happy place.16