The Manifesto of Brother Star Dust - Part 1

The following is a sensationalized and fictionalized account of the very true story of how I hit 2 mail boxes 5 minutes into my first permitted driving experience yestarday.  This, unfortunately, will not be pointless:1

Hey my brothers and sistas, this is Brother Star Dust coming to you live on the wire from Java Ray's Internet cafe down on the west side.  I'm coming to you with a tale, of how i did my part to fight the establishment today.  So make sure your mind is in a full and upright position, ya dig?2

So this all started to go down saturday night, at least as far as everyone else is concerned.  It really started out years ago when all the car companies, oil companies and the US government merged into one big super power while Joe and Jill American were too busy watching 'who wants to marry a millionaire' and in their post-mastabatory haze to notice.  But it happened, and the Brotherhood has been fighting against them ever since.3

So friday night we decide it's time we get a couple more of these establishment driven cars off the road.  So in the middle of the night me and Brother Clay go out to my sister's Toyota Corolla and start fiddling around.  Gaya was bringing the rains the next day, so we knew just what her weakness was.  It's just a matter of one snip and the wiper motor is disconnected.  Sure enough we get a call from her the next night sayin she can't drive home in the rain.  She never learned to live in harmony with Gaya.  So my old man runs out to go get her and they take her car over to the repair shop.  That's one down, two to go.  This is were the next part of our plan started.4

The night before we had gone out and shaved down poppy's brake pads to almost nothing, he was gunna find out real soon, the hard way.  So sure enough he hears the grinding noise and checks his beloved car into the car hospital just like the sister.  That's 2 down, 1 to go.  The one remaining was the worst of them all; a mini-van.  Make no mistake, there's nothing mini about it, over 3 tons and 17 miles per gallon.  I was gunna have to take it down myself.  Luckily, my learners permit had come in the mail the day before, so i was primed to fight the battle.5

The permit comes in the mail and the road test is all scheduled for jan 10th, 2004.  Jan 10th is a saturday, there are no road tests on saturdays.  Damn, they knew it was me.  I decide to give the DMV an old ring-a-ding ding, they tell me if i dont get it fixed the road test'll get pushed back a year.  Bastards, they're all in on it.  So, it's off to the post office.  For a new driver I'm cruisin along pretty good, until i get to the post office that is.  The post office; the worst of all the conspiracies in America.  So there i am, in a mini van out side the post office, it's time for some two birds\one stone action.  I time it out, i'll need to brake in 3, 2, 1, now.  But i don't brake, instead i hit the gas.  I gun right for the evilest institution in america, in the evilest vehicle ever made.  Crash.  I managed to swipe two of the three boxes.  To everyone, mom, pops, the sister, the post office, and the auto companies, this was an accident.  But they're wrong, this was no accident.  We took down that mail box on purpose.  6

The screams in the car die down, and I back the car up.  The car had some front end damage, the mail box was untouched.  Damn, they knew i was coming and fortified the mail box.  There must be a mole in the Brotherhood.  So we hightail it out of there, until we get back to the pad to collect our thoughts.  It's then I realized, if we run, they chase us, we're gunna have to go talk to the cops.  So we get on back there, and the cop  arrives on scene, and the first thing he says is "show me the permit".  The permit, ironically, was in the mailbox by now and officially federal property.  We'd need a court order to get at it.  None of this phases the cop.  That's when i realized, they're ready to violate the 4th amendment over this, that's how deep the conspiracy runs.  So we tell the cop about it and he says not to worry about it, and sort of winks.  He must be one of us.  He's fighting the system from the inside.7

Soon after my left arm started hurting.  It must be the homing device, acting up again.  They know it was me.8

So that all for tonight my fellow freedom fighters, ill be comin to you live from on the lamb over the next few days.  Keap fighting the good fight.9

Peace10

-Brother Star Dust11

(a.k.a. matt k)12