Temple of the Sphere: Chapter 7

The sunlight peeked through the crack in between the curtains. Sonya woke up and sat up in her bed to look around the tiny room. The old wore out wallpaper was peeling away from the walls as she took her hand to rub the clean sheets and the blanket.1

The door slowly opened as a slender blonde woman stood in the doorway.2

“You’re wake!” she said with a smile on her face. “I’m Gwen.” She walked over pulled opened the curtains as a blast of sunlight entered the room. “You’ve been a sleep for two days and we’re beginning to worry.”3

“Excuse me, where am I at?”4

Gwen skipped over in her see through nightgown to the bed.5

“You’re in Mama’s bar and boarding house.” She waved her finger back and forth. “But it isn’t a boarding house!” Gwen got up and danced around in the room.6

Sonya fell back on the bed; pulled the blanket over her head.7

“Come on sleepy head! You need to get up.” Gwen giggled.8

“Go away!” Sonya ordered as images flashed and played right before her eyes.9

“Is that anyway for you to talk to your host?” a voice said.10

Sonya peeked through the blanket to see an old woman with silver hair that stood by her bed.11

“Who are you?”12

“Every body calls me Mama, Sonya.”13

Sonya slowly sat up in her bed. “Where’s Throne?”14

“He is in the other bedroom sleeping.” Mama sat on her bed. “Gwen is high from the drug that Throne gave her and she will be crashing soon.”15

“I see.”16

“There are some clothes in the closet that you can use and they will cover everything.” She patted her on the leg.17

“This is a cathouse?”18

“No. My girls’ work in the bar below and what they do for extra money is their business. I board out rooms for tired out travelers.” Mama smiled at her. “You’re safe here.”19

“Thanks.”20

“The bathroom is on your left. If you want some hot water, you better hurry.” Mama rose, walked to the bedroom’s door and left.21

Sonya hopped out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. One of the bathroom’s walls had missing wallpaper, while the other were painted that began to chip. There she found clean white towels and soap waiting for her on the top of a small table next to the shower curtain. The sink and the toilet were chipped and discolor too, but they were clean. She yanked on the old rusty lever for the shower head as warm water raced out of it. She slipped out of her nightgown, stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain.22

~23

Sonya finished her shower and now was dressed. She was tiding up her little room when she heard a knock on her door.24

“Yes?”25

“Mama, again. I’ve some breakfast for you.”26

Sonya walked over to the door and opened it.27

“You’re clean guest. Your mother taught you well.”28

“I don’t have a mother or I can’t remember her.”29

“I’m sorry. Come and eat.”30

Sonya stepped out into the sunlight as the old faded-out furniture filled the room. The ancient wood floor was chipped, but it was clean. The wallpaper was the same as her bedroom and she walked over to the table.31

“You look like an eggs and toast girl,” Mama said while spreading purple jam on her toast.32

“That looks like grape jelly?” Sonya pulled out her chair.33

“You’re a young girl with class then?”34

Sonya grabbed the tiny jar of jelly that sparkled in the light. She picked up her small knife and spread the jelly on her toast; then took a huge bite of it.35

“Hmmm… This is so good. It has been a long time since I had real fruit.”36

“What court do you reign in?”37

Sonya swallowed her toast and grabbed her glass of water to take a sip. “I’m a maiden.”38

“You’ve manners and culture than a maiden, but you don’t lie. I can see it in your eyes.”39

“Who are you? Why do you let men drugged your girls?” Sonya grabbed her fork to dive into her eggs.40

“I’m owner of Mama’s Bar. I have one rule; don’t lie to me or to my girls.”41

“Okay. Where am I at?”42

Then a door opened behind Sonya as she turned her head to see Throne. He stood there in the doorway and wore brown pants with a gray shirt unbutton with no sleeves, and his long black hair pulled back in a ponytail.43

“I think Throne is better suited to answer that question than I am.” Mama said as she pushed herself away from the table. “Sonya, I’ve a small basket in your room. There you’ll find thread and material to fix your dress.”44

“Thank you.”45

“Don’t thank me, but Throne.”46

Throne walked to the table and kissed Mama on her cheek.47

“You don’t have to leave,” Throne said.48

“You too have a lot of things to talk about.”49

“True. Where’s Gwen?”50

“She is in her room sleeping and I’ve a feeling that she is going to need her strength for tonight,” Mama said with a huge smile on her face as she left the room.51

“You drugged Gwen?” Sonya asked.52

Throne sat down a cross from her; then he removed Mama’s dirty dishes and grabbed some clean dishes from the stack. “Gwen wanted to be drugged. She knows how much energy that I have. I’ m not an average man and her being drugged, well, she can meet my needs too. Let’s just keep it at that.”53

“Fine; why did you bring me here?” She stared at him.54

“You needed a place to rest and I knew Mama’s Bar would be a safe place for all of us.”55

“Where’s Hugo?”56

Throne looked down at the toast and then he poured water in the glass. “Sonya. You are too funny, first he scared you and now you’re worried about him. He is next door in the barn sleeping.” He took a bite of it and then swallowed. “They have barns for tigers and the keepers are excellent in their jobs; or they will be lunch.”57

“I’m in the forgotten realm of the moon…” Sonya rose from the table and started to pace up and down. “Why did you bring me here?”58

Throne pushed himself from the table and stood up. Sonya passed by him, then he grabbed her.59

“Are you insane?” She took her fists and began to hit on his chest.60

He bent down to look straight into her eyes. “No one here; isn’t going to hurt you and most of the Moonrise Warriors are gone anyway, so just relax.”61

“The last time you said that…” She pulled away from him and walked to the window.62

“Is that going to be a returning theme with you?”63

Sonya shrugged her shoulders as she glazed out of the window. In the distance she heard horses whinnying and crying as she was glue to the window and waited for the sounds to appear.64

Men rode on horseback emerged on the road below her as they surrounded a wagon filled with young girls and boys. She focused her eyes on the wagon that had bars all away around as the children were chained inside. The end of the row, was a little girl with light brown hair that looked up at Sonya. Her soft brown eyes were calling for help and then Sonya felt a hand on her shoulder.65

“Don’t look, Sonya, there is nothing that we can do.”66

“Why?”67

“They’re being taken to the Outer Dwelling,” Throne said as he returned to the table.68

“They are children…”69

“Sonya, let it go. You have no idea how this world works. They will be better off where they are going.”70

“Be treating like slaves or a piece of meat!”71

“Enough!” Throne paused. “Come and eat.”72

“I’m full, Throne. If you like I’ll take the dishes down to Mama.”73

“Alright. You stay inside of the building until that wagon passes through.”74

“Am I free or a slave?”75

“You’re under my care and my protection,” Throne said as he got from the table and walked to her. “I wish that you would trust me,” he said as he stroked her hair.76

“What has changed since you found me from Draco?” She stared into his deep brown eyes. Throne turned away and walked back to his room.77

“Please take the dishes down to Mama. Just turn right once you leave this room, then take the stairs down to the kitchen,” he said as he shut the door.78

Sonya walked to the table to the basket and grabbed it. She placed the basket on the chair and started clearing off the table as quietly as she could.79

In a list

If you find any nits in this chapter, please give me examples so I can understand what you are trying to tell me, Thank you

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Comments

  • I can feel the tension between the two characters and that's a really important part to this chapter. Your imagination is so vast-how do you come up with all this stuff? It's incredible, really, and I love it!


  • eyeambaldman
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    'graph 1: "wore" should be "worn"

    'graph 3: She walked over pulled open the curtains "and" a blast of sunlight entered the room.

    'graph 11: revise this sentence. It sounds as if the silver hair is standing by the bed, not the woman! Oh no!

    'graph 22: consider revising the sentence with the paint chipping in the bathroom...it's a bit confusing. "discolor" should be past tense.

    Hmmm...it seems most of the grammatical mistakes from here on are tense issues. Revise carefully. It looks as if you just need to make some of your words past tense.

    The dialogue in this chapter seems a bit stilted. For example, Mama responds to Sonya who says she can't remember her mother. Mama says, "I'm sorry. Come and eat." There's not much compassion here.

    Most of your action is just moving your characters around the room and eating or swallowing. But in actuality, they don't DO anything.

    I think you have a good basis for a story here, but I'd like to see it developed a bit better. There's almost no description in this chapter of anything other than the walls in the bathroom--which I'm not sure is real pertinent to the story.

    Again, shore some of these shortcomings, and I think you'll have a good thing going.


    • Lynn of the Knight gold member
      December 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so for reading this chapter. You have a good for catching SPAG.

      I disagree with about nothing happens. The past six chapters had lots of action. This chapter is a bit different.

      I realized it is hard to jump into the middle of story to try to give a review.

      I hope that you will come back for next chapter,

      Lynn