Here's my confession, my declaration, my manifesto: I am my own worst enemy. I'd like to pretend I'm worth your trouble and your time, but the truth is I blend too perfectly with these walls and these ashes. I'm indistinguishable from the myriads of nobodies who simper for your attention and demand a second glance. I used to believe my tears or my laughter would set me apart, before I realized my emotional rollercoaster was the same we all ride. I tread over your grave for some fit of inspiration, but all I hear is the empty echoes of the dying wind. I want to change the world; I want to be the catalyst for a revolution of our minds, our hearts, and our souls. But I fear that I am not different or special enough to be heard above these screams, and my hopes and dreams will be lost in the monsoon of your doubts. I take one last look around me, and realized everything I've dreaded is real. I am in no way unique.
Author notes
Keep Holding On.
..girl.
A contest entry
- Ten Minute -or less- Entries (You have ten minutes, don't ya?) by Taylor Renee.
350 points, ended December 15, 2007, 34 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is written beautifully, I think, and it's such a beautiful (sadly beautiful) thing to write about.
You did wonderfully portraying your emotions, and this is a wonderful entry to my contest.
Please know: you are YOU, and that is unique and beautiful in every way
I don't know you, (well, who you are.) But I know you're an amazing person. Believe it
Thank you so much for taking the time for my contest, and good luck!!!
xoxo
-♥-
Tay
P.S.: If I don't know you, I'm Taylor!
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Slowly...we learn slowly.
Don't worry...you are unique. Trouble is, and as we grow we cannot help being literally smothered by all that culture that assails us from without. But...despite it all, the above isn't too bad...it COULD be a poem (it's a little short for a story...and is missing some of the latter's essential ingredients)...But you have some UNIQUE phrases ("monsoon of doubts")("simper for attention and demand a second glance")...however be aware of, and keep away from cliches...like: "emotional roller-coaster!"..."my own worst enemy"..."set me apart"..."change the world"..."hearts and minds"..."hopes and dreams" etc.
And watch things like: "IS the empty echoes"= ARE the empty echoes!"
Hang in!
GA -
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:D
Thanks so much for commenting I really enjoy getting feedback on my work. Thank you for noticing the cliches as well..I tried to put some of them in there to kind of emphasize the apparent lack unique-ness.
Some of them you pointed out though were just cliches I really do need to avoid..so thank you for pointing them out
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