Chapter Two - Part Seven #1
At the kitchen table that morning, I knew that Grandma Jean had heard me throw the book at the wall. It was interesting really, why she had not come in during the night to check if I was all right. I guess she just knew, some sort of family instinct or something, or maybe like most senior people, she had woken up at the sound and almost immediately fallen back to sleep again.2
Sitting in the old hard wooden chair, my back ached from my sleeping in an irregular fashion, not only did I fall back to sleep, but I slept with half my body hanging of the side of my bed.I was very surprised that I didn't ave a dream of falling, but yet again, I dreampt of the god forsaken pathway to the end. 3
"The end Chris," I whispered under my breath, or what I thought to be a whisper, and yet Grandma Jean seemed to be able to hear it quiet clearly for his age, maybe a little to clearly for her old age, but I considered the fact that she had gone through most of her senior life, paying very close attention to other people's business, there secrets and gossip, all about there private lives. She was really quiet a nosy bitch, but I did have some respect for her, as I was sure this trait must have come in handy at some time or another.4
"What is the end Chris," she asked, the curiosity now beaming from her, she was always one, with curiosity.5
I looked up at her as she handed me a bowl full of warm strawberry porridge, and sat down, across from me, her Grey hair frazzled across her face, her mouth all scrunched up with nerves. I knew that she could I was lying, I could see it written all over her face, and yet I had to make sure she would believe me at any cost. 6
"Nothing Grandma, Just thinking about the end of the month, you know it is not to far away now, it is just around the corner, just a few more days left and spring will be here."7
Grandma Jean frowned, not looking at all convinced. "How did you sleep last night Christopher?"8
Christopher, now she was getting serious, only when she was concerned or I was in trouble, did she use my full name Christopher, any other time it was Chris or topher. Yeah I knew how original it must have sounded, but I hated it to the core when she called me Topher. It reminded me to much of my father, and he was someone I need not be reminded of,purely for the fact that he was to weak and could not be bothered much to stick around and fight his world, and live in this world, after my mum died. So I didn't really have have much feelings for the man, other than anger.9
"I slept quiet well actually, more like a baby, though my book fell of my bed last night and gave me quiet a scare."10
She leaned closer, raising her eyebrows, or what was left of them with her old age, "How did it end up dropping of your bed and into the wall near your door, is there something your not telling me Chris, because you know how much I despise lies, your mother was always a liar, and I would hate to think that she passed this trait on to you, through her only child?"11
A little nervous, I spooned my way through my porridge, "Well I wasn't going to say this, but since you insist, but I think we might have to call ghost busters Grandma, cause there is some serious supernatural ass hanging around this shit old house."12
Grandma Jeans eyes twitched, I couldn't help,nor hold it in, and let out a small laugh, thinking about what I had just said and how funny it had seemed to me, but it was not funny enough for Grandma Jean to be laughing.13
"Christopher what Have I told you about using such foul language in this home, did you take you medication this morning?"14
I shook my head, "I don't need to take it, I'm not insane anymore."15
She shook her head, as if disappointed, "Christopher, Doctor Harvey insist on you still taking your medication, it's not a matter of being sane or insane, it will help you to function properly, Christopher you already know all this, why did you not take it?"16
I pushed the bowl away, "Well he would insist wouldn't he, the filthy hypocrite of a bastard."17
I didn't want to deal with this medication business right now, my brain couldn't handle it on top of these dreams, these dreams that wouldn't leave my mind, even in the waking hours.18
"Christopher, I wont ask you again to stop the language."19
Feeling my head start to swirl, the anger like always boiling up inside. I held on tightly to the kitchen table, hoping to god I would not completely loose the plot, I couldn't loose the plot, I just couldn't.20
"Well then don't ask me again, okay just shut up and leave me alone, don't need this right now."21
Grandma Jean dropped her eyebrow, frowning again. "Don't need what right now, what is wrong, why aren't you talking to me, why aren't you taking your medication?"22
It was all to much, I saw the path, it replayed again and again, while she continued to interrogate me, I her to shut her mouth, I wanted to sew it shut, tight, anything to stop her grating irritating voice, and all her pathetically annoying questions.23
"Be Quiet," I cried, letting go of the table.24
She sat back in her chair, "What is wrong Chris, why are you angry, you didn't sleep very well last night did you ?"25
I couldn't take it, she couldn't take a hint, she just had to run the mile. I stood up, my hands flying across the table.26
"I said BE QUIET", I screamed hitting her across her caring, depressing face. I kicked my chair over, turning around to face the door, I gave her one last look before opening the door, and running outside into the alley. I hated her sometimes.
Author notes
Hay here is part seven ....sorry it took so long.. part eight soon... enjoy
honest feedback ^_^
Also tank you to those who have commented ..keep em coming..I love you guys ++_++
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1 - 11 of 11
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Good dialogue
Sometimes the sentances are too long. I know what you're trying to get at: a running train of thought- but there's another way of doing it. I would use the ":" sometimes, or "-" if you really wanted to use the ideas in one sentance. Some of the ideas really need to be in seperate sentances. A full stop also doesn't break continuity. Also, I'm getting a bit suspicious about this name thing: Stanley/Harvey?- how much do you know about me? Anyway, It's some decent dialogue and it brings into play a hint of the supernatural. Just needs a rewrite. Too much drug talk is bothersome.
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Damn old lady trying to probe him for answers when he doesn't want to talk.
I mean, GOSH! She should already know that he's getting angry, just by his tone and most probably his facial expression. Chris has every right to react like that.
What's going to happen next, I wonder?
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Unlike some of your readers...
...I read that his harsh words 'hit her' not him, but then, perhaps I read wrong. She deserved the invective from him, she pushed him to it and she knew it and so did he, it was expected.
There is no doubt he is troubled, but what teen isn't, and she is a demanding old biddy and he feels totally constrained and I would imagine has held it back for quite a while.
Again, you write the male point of view convincingly, not always easy for a writer of the opposite gender...but it works well, I think.
Good story development...
thank you...
Amicus...
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My god! Chris hit a little old Lady. Doesn't need his medication? Yeah. Right and I'm a flying Chinese Teapot. This part was well written, you could feel Chris' anguish and desperation growing, a desire to get away from the questioning and be left alone. In a way you do feel sorry for him and in another, you kinda wish he would just get a grip.
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haha i use that comeback for "I won't ask you again" with my parents a lot. Again, This is great and so realistic!
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I feel bad for Grandma! It was a very impressive way to twist the readers perspective. His behavior caused me distaste toward his character...but I think you wrote it well. You're inspiring me, lol, I'm fumbling over my chapter one. Off to read chapter eight!
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~THANK YOU~
I am glad you are enjoying my story and I am most appreciative that it is inspiring you to write
x.x x.x
Keep reading
Love blair
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oh snapple crackers he hit her! Damn Chris really does have problems. I love it though. I know how it feels to be without meds..trust me..im like that too. I can honestly relate to Chris on the anger issues. Nice putting of words on his part...Great job.
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Nice flow and building of his anger
I liked this chapter. While his grandma is trying to help him out, sometimes not taking your pills can be a better help... pills might just make it worse...
DarkOne -
Frustration At its limit...
Wow As expected another well done story on your part! Yep definately has to agree that Chris has turned more and more interesting as it goes Your descriptions of his emotes were superb
I could exactly put myself into his shoes and felt what he felt Especially his frustration about his grandma this time round. Keep up the good work^^ I can't wait for the next story^^
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Christopher is turning out to be quite an interesting character.
I liked all the dialogue in this chapter, it seemed to flow pretty well, the grandma's slightly stiff dialect seem to work for her character and Chris' dialogue seemed to represent him quite well too.
I have to admit that although Christopher does seem like an unstable character I was surprised by his sudden outburst of foul language and anger, you might want to prepare the reader for that a little more, although you also might want to keep it and catch the reader off guard.
It really would work either way, and once again it depends on where else you're going with the character, for example if you want to portray him as chronically unable to manage his anger, you might want to give more of a build up, but if you want hime to be a character that simply acts impulsively and unpredictable some of the times and calmer other times, then I would keep the story the way it is.
Anyway, nice chapter, I can't wait to read more.
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