There are going to be more then just 1 series of L.S.A.D.H, This one, willl have a estimate of about 30-70 chapters. The second one, well... we'll see. Any how, hope you enjoy CHAPTER 1! ~. I worked hard on it! Peace. 1
L.S.A.D.H..::.. Chapter 1 I2
t was a cold night. the sky threatened rain, thunder Rumbled in the distance Making long Roaring sounds. The wind blue, though the night was still. No animals were Visible on this dark night, each of them hiding in their burrows or tree's. A cold night it was, the animals preferred the warmth of their homes over the cold that would be found outside. The leaves on the trees of Dawn Forest danced as they fell off their branches, as a leaf in autumn would do. Deep in the heart of the forest surrounded by bushes and tree's of all sorts, was a small village/town, called, Raven town. There, things were different. Unlike the outside world, where there were cars and airplanes this place had no Electrical transportation. It had electricity, such as T.V, radio, Phone lines, though no cars or planes of any type. Raven town was quite large, no one ever came there except for the ones who were born in the town. It is rare to see a smile on somebody's face there unless it is seductive, or for an odd reason, some one is happy , which would be truly weird, for no one in raven town, has ever shown emotion. 3
4
It is quite odd actually. No one ever laughed; no one ever showed an expression on there face other then a bored, depressed/empty, look on their faces. even the children, who would range from the ages 3-17, showed barely any Emotion, sure, they would run around, rarely laugh and play tag and such, Usually, the children from ages 3-7, were quite happy all of the time, but as they would mature quickly, once they reach the age range of about 8-13. This is an odd thing about the town; it is an emotionless, yet populated, environment 56
Shay higuki sat at her window sill which was large enough for one to sleep on. Her empty grey eyes, gazing out the window watching the raindrops fall. As each one fell it would tell its own story. Before hitting the puddles below, and disappearing, blending all along with its raindrops that had falling before it. Shay felt the pain of the rain, it was said, that the raindrops that fell, were the tears off god himself, when a tragedy had occurred, that was what her Brother Jordan’s, words.
Shay was 14, the range of age, where you would lose your happiness, and emotions, though, she was a bit different, she didn’t ever feel happy when she was a kid, for she, was always alone.
Shay was born into a world with out parents, her father had died before her birth even occurred, he was brutally murdered by a clan of vampires, about 14 years ago. Her mother died giving birth to shay. And that’s when her brother Jordan, took care of her until she was about 4, when he too, was killed by vampires. You would think that a vampire would just bite them, letting them become one of themselves but these vampires were always picky. You had to be perfect for them to pierce you with their fangs. Before they would kill you, they would look deeply into your eyes, and if you were worthy, a simple bite on the neck was what you received... but if not, they would brutally kill you, using weapons of all different sorts, some that are even unknown and unnamed to the world.
Shay now found her self, completely alone. Though, she had one, close loving friend that he would never leave for the world. His name was Demonic. Shay, despite the Raven town legend, felt two kinds of emotions. One was the strong connection that kept shay and Demonic together to be BFF, and the other was Depression/ sorrow. The loneliness that she had come to be in, haunted her. She lived alone, in a big, empty house. Her parents were the head of the town, the most respected, and most Loved.
Now, Shay was now alone, all her family gone, she lived in the big, empty house, all by herself. Every room still carrying her family’s possessions, she never bothered to pack them up or anything, she just left them; she practically lived in her room. And the main room (A.K.A living room) she hardly ever left her house, only occasionally to visit Demonic and hang with him, or to Shop for food. Demonic was the one who usually Came to visit, he would always come with a smile, his beautiful Silver; almost white eyes, always filled with warmth. Despite this, he too, was hurt, and alone.
Sure he had familly, but, they never thought much of him, they cared more for his older brother, Shane. Demonic was jalousie of his brother, always trying to surpass him, desperately trying to become stronger then him, with fighting skills. 7
Here in raven town, it was law to go to a school called, Breaking heaven. There, they taught you how to summon things, such as spirits, demons, and they even taught you how to make chimera’s. Once you graduate from the first level, you receive a special type of weapon, that would carry out your skills, and then, you get a proper name, as a L.S.A.D.H ( Laundrer, Stenvile, and Demnic hunters(( you'll find out what those are later on in the story ))) A L.S.A.D.H, are mortal enemy's to vampires. For vampires, do the exact opposite of what a L.S.A.D.H does, for they Hunt them and save them by releasing them to either heaven or hell, and if it is Impossible, they kill them, when a vampire, will eat their souls, And Find the body to drink the blood. It is tradition, no matter what, it is Absolutely necessary that you do what You are told to, like a police officer on patrol, like a ninja when giving a mission, you cant refuse. 8
It was only 2 years ago, that shay and Demonic had become L.S.A.D.H's, put in short term, let’s call them Spirit Hunters. Today, both the friends had a mission together. They were to escort a princess, from Raven town, to a town out of the forest. Shay got up from the window sill, she sighed heavily, and she truly was a lazy one. She pushed back some of her jet black hair that was in her face, and let it fall loosely to the side of her face. Her hair wasn’t extremely long or anything, just past shoulder length. She liked it like that; it wasn’t to long, so it wasn’t in the way when she was doing a mission. Though, putting it in a pony was really helpful. Shay got up, and walked to her Phone, which was placed in the middle of the room. 9
She dialed Demonic's number, An placed the phone to her ear, as it rang.
Three times it rang, before a click was heard and a voice greeted her. " Hello?" it was Demonic.
shay" hey, come now, we should get ready for our mission. " 10
Demonic " * sigh * I suppose, see you in about 5 mins.."11
Shay" ok. “Shay hung up the phone, she stood there for about 20 seconds, before starting to walk to her living room, to sit on the couch, and turn on the T.V. 12
She entered her living room, the walls were painted a navy blue, and the furniture was black, along with the Tables and Carpet. It was pretty gloomy, but, it suited Shays Personality.
She plopped herself down on the couch, and turned the T.V on with the remote.
She looked out the window, ignoring the T.V, her mind wondered off to different, random things.
' ... I wonder when Demonic is going to get here.... I’m kind of hungry... I wish Jordan was here to make some roast or something...' Shay thought, and the last thing that came to her mind, made her depressed. ‘Jordan....I miss you....so much... ‘She thought. 13
* knock, knock, knock *14
A Sudden knock was heard on her front door; shay stood up, and hurried to the door. She opened it, and there standing was a boy. Black hair, which went just above his shoulders, it was thin, and Healthy, silver/ white eyes that pierced Into Shays dull grey ones. Demonic, was the boy. He had his Weapon sheathed to his back, which was a sword, that was half the length of a normal one, but a bit bigger then a dagger. It was his weapon, As L.S.A.D.H. His Name, was Demonic eyes, for his eyes were absolutely abnormal, Also known as Demonic and plus, his Birth name, was found to be demonic. So it was not confusing either. 15
Shay smiled, and gave her friend a warm hug. Demonic returned it. They broke apart. “Hey...” He said “hey... OH! I have to grab my weapon...hang on. “Shay said, and then ran to her room. In search for her weapon. Demonic stood in the door way, examining the room before him. Observing the places of each item, and admiring the colors.
Shay returned, with a large sword thing on her back, it wasn’t width large, it was long. And about the width of a laptop screen, though, it was skinny.
As long as tree branch fresh from a tree, about 6 feet long. It was taller then Shay, causing it to be sheathed at an angle at her back. It was wrapped in bandage, that was a blackish/grey color, and the blade of her weapon, was black too. She had named her weapon, Hitaku.
“Ready?” Demonic asked, with his usual, calm, soothing, deep voice. “Ready...” shay answered, and with that, they began to walk out of the village. Leaving her house unlocked, for she didn’t care if any one tried to break in, it wouldn’t matter, all she did in that house, was sleep, and eat. Waiting at the gate, with a pink umbrella, in a White rain coat, Her blond hair flowing past her waste tied in a pony, Her crystal blue eyes Glaring at Demonic and Shay, was Princess taiya, which was the person, that they were to escort to a Town on the outskirts of the forest. And yes, it was necessary for them to do so, for the forest, was dark, deep, and huge. And the worst was...it was lurking with denmics... and...Vampires. “What took you guys so long to get here, I’ve been waiting for over 5 minutes! I’m freezing!" the princess complained, with a girly tone, usually, people from raven town, would have already slit her throat for being so bratty, happy, and spoiled. But, she was a valuable piece to the village of light that was where they were escorting her too, and to kill the princess, would cause a war between the villages, though, raven town would win for sure, it would be Dishonorable to Cause war with an allied Town. “Sorry..." Shay said sarcastically, demonic Snickered, trying to hold back his laughter, he knew how much Shay detested girls like taiya, and thought it was pretty amusing that She was going to help him escort one to a village, which would take over 3 days. 16
The forest was dark, it was still raining, though, It was a nice feeling on shays skin. Demonic, honestly didn’t care if he got wet, and didn’t care if it was hotout either.
Taiya on the other hand, was complaining constantly, though she had an umbrella, every time a raindrop would even touch her bare skin, she would say things such as “stupid rain...” or “let’s stop for a rest! I’m wet!" and the one that Bothered Shay the most was, “Carry me! Demonic! You look so strong!" Though it had n nothing to do with the weather.
“Come on you strong, cute man! Carry me? Please?" Taiya pleaded once again. “Alright... that’s enough!" shay yelled, It was really getting to her nerves. “Oh! Looks like somebody's jealous! Because she knows that Demonic wants to carry me!" Taiya said, while circling her finger on Demonic's shoulder. Demonic made a disgusted look on his face, and looked at shay as if to say “help me...” Shays sighed. Then continued to walk down the path. “Hehehe... carry me!" Taiya yelled again. Demonic turned his body towards her. And took in a deep breath. “I ... said...NO!" he yelled the lst prt. But even that, wouldn’t stop the desperate princess. 17
Shay had come to ignore the nagging princess, and was now focusing on the scenery around her; all of the trees were soaked and wet, the leaves had fallen off of all of them. And had been placed into small, un tidy piles. The ground was muddy, and wet. Puddles were every where, the water inside of them, Brown with dirt and mud. The sky was grey, as the rain fell down splattering into the Dirty puddles, and beside her, was a small stream, which was splashing furiously, as the heavy rain hit it.
It was actually a nice sight, to Shay. For stuff like this, was what Raven town people, enjoyed. IT was kind of hard to see ahead, for the rain was so thick. Though, the path, was still barely visible, but enough to be able to see, and follow. 18
Shay sighed. ‘I’ll have to put up with this princess for another 3 days... how troublesome. '
“Look out!" Demonic yelled, which was startling, and sudden. Shay spun her head around, and widened her eyes. The princess was on the ground, mud all over her. Her eyes filled with fear, as she stared at the boy before her.
Shay gasped. For what she saw was fearful... Demonic, had just been stabbed by a blade, right in the shoulder. He hid his face, as blood trickled down his Arm and into a puddle he was standing in.
The thing holding the blade was something that Shay hated the most in the entire world.
The thing that killed her Dad, and brother.
The thing that was a mortal enemy to L.S.A.D.H's .
A vampire. 19
20
21
22
23
Stay tuned for chapter 2!24
25
A contest entry
- Lack of Comments? by Paragonz Shadow.
350 points, ended January 4, 2008, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 1st chapter contest!!!! by Surreal Rhapsody.
175 points, ended January 11, 2008, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Ok, I'm changing this thing, give me somthing to twist my brain, surprise me, mess with my head! by Forgotten Anomaly.
500 points, ended January 14, 2008, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Please give me first chapters!!!! by silent dances.
201 points, ended January 23, 2008, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
so what do you think? :P i tried to make the words spelt properly, i even spell checked, so ... wasd it good?shoudl i write more?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
awsome
interesting opening, i like the look of this, but im sure at the start it mentioned the parents died, but didnt it later say they were wealthy? i like the idea of the story but i think the word mission just sounds to strong for this, maybe task, or somthing a little weaker.
-
I agree with namless writer. I like stories best when you hide things for a while. this has a great plot, and you should definatly write more. just don't be afraid to go back and edit things. Also, if the town showed nothing but boredom and depression, then why did Dominic act warm, and unbored-and-cheerful?
Anyway, it was good
good luck!
(also, am I nuts, or did I get a naruto vibe from it?) -
Ok, well this was an interesting story, but you need to work on a few things. You just kinda give everyone everything at once, telling everyones backstories when you introudce them, with a longer story it is better to let the reader guess and let things out slowly. Also you need to read back though this and clear a few things up, grammer, wording, capitalization, spelling. Otherwise its a good story that could go somewhere with a little work and imagination.
-
Oooooh. Good ending. ^.^ I really enjoyed this story, a lot. It was entertaining, and hooked me right in. It's going to be reall really long, though. ^.^ 70 chapters is more then Harry Potter has. I really can realte to one thing, my story that Im writing will too ebcome a series. Of 5 books, actually. I think I may want to hear more from this story. Message me when the next chapter is out. Good luck on the contest.
-
Alright, I have some constructive criticism:
This seems very stilted. At times you have given us too much info info (raw facts) like in the age group thing. You'd do better to weave a magic realm with words...pure facts won't keep people reading. Your story took too long to get going...I got bored and the unfamiliar concepts were glossed over too quickly...I didn't understand them. You obviously have a talent for plots, so try and work on your dialog, language and characters (all kinda substandard) and also your garmmar and phrasing and you will one day have a really good story!
Keep writing!! -
hey! its xtclozer12
I did a spell check on Microsoft, so it should be easier to read now. Just for you people who are having troubles -.-
-
Honestly, this needs a lot of work. You need to run it through a spell checker on Microsoft Word or another word processing program, because there were a lot of spelling and grammar errors in this. You seem a bit...comma-crazy. Try reading this aloud to yourself with the punctuation you have right now; you should catch most of the punctuation errors.
You also have capitalization issues throughout this. Unless there is a proper noun (such as a name or place name) within a sentence, the word should not be capitalized. The first letter of a sentence should be capitalized, as should the first letter within most sections of dialogue.
When your characters are on the phone with each other, it sounds more like a chat on AIM. I use those kind of roll-play notes, too, when I IM, but they shouldn't be used in a story unless there are sections of chat room sessions within it.
I would like to see more of this, but you definitely need to look over it again and run it through a real spell checker (or at least some place like spellcheck.com). The way it is now detracts from the actual story, and leaves the reader focusing more on the text than on the plot.beginning: 3, language: 1, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 2.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
