Shadowlands 3: Big Balls

I spent the next week sparring with Kajos, he really didn't want to see me dead. I was just a victim of circumstance, and he thought the whole affair was messed up, so he was helping me.1

one day, without warning, they grabbed me out of the morning formation. Now I was expecting them to just beat me, like usual.2

But they didn't. Two Oni grabbed me and dragged me through dank dungeon hallways. Tentacles reached out through the slots in solid iron doors, trying to get fresh meat. One tentacle strayed too near and the Oni behind me ripped it off.3

They led me to a room that looked like the inside of a giant watch. It was like MC Escher's idea of a blacksmith shop. The Oni shoved me down into a rotting wooden chair. He took off his cap and shook out a shadow.4

It stood up and bowed. I recognized him as Chuckles, an administrator, he had visited me once before to check my progress. Now he was here as a tailor. Well, an administrative tailor at the least.5

"Name?"6

"Not telling you Chuckles," I said with venom.7

"Whisper it, they don't need to hear."8

I whispered my name and then said aloud, "But you can call me Al... What? Not a Paul Simon fan?"9

I knew why he was pissed, giving him a second name bound him not to use my real one. He didn't like me taking his power.10

"Armor class?" he said sharply.11

"I suppose light, something breatheable."12

"Weapon class?"13

I looked at the guards. They carried ancient blades made of steel and bone. "Not much chance of getting a grenade launcher I assume." Chuckles sighed his dissaproval. "So I guess a short sword would be better."14

He wrote it down. The Oni pulled me up, treating me roughly, they measured me. After a minute of being tossed around, they shoved me back down.15

Two shadows came forward after a moment, and put a snug hard leather tunic on over me. It came down to mid thigh. On my shins, they strapped padded metal plates. They put a leather cap with chainmail and fur lining onto my head, and strapped bracers onto my arms. My sandals were replaced with steel toed boots.16

One shadow dragged his finger across the metal strips on my bracers and the toes of my boots. Small spikes formed where his fingers traced.17

On my shoulder they strapped a curved spike for a neck block. I selected a small gladius and a buckler from a rack. "Your first opponent will be a haunt. He was selected with you in mind, so take care, don't let sentiment come between you and victory."18

Wondering what he meant, I sheathed my sword on my side and allowed them to shackle me.19

The Oni carried me down another hallway, into the sunlight, bleak yet somehow harsh. They lifted me up, and looped my shackles around a stone pillar. The chains rested on a notch in the pillar. I noticed that the stone over my right hand had deep gouges in it. 20

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special fight for you today. Please welcome this human newcomer, he-" The announcer's booming voice was drowned out by the roaring applause. "Settle down folks, I know it's been a while since we've had an initiation, but we need to remain calm," he quieted again, "Now, he won't give his real name, but you can call him AL! Now, prepair to watch him fight the ghost of the luckiest pirate ever, KAJOS!" My heart sank in time with the pulsing applause from the crowd. That's what Chuckles meant. 21

Kajos had said that we might fight each other, "Al, I want you to promise not to go soft if they put us together, I'd enjoy a second death, but that being said, if you can't kill me, you don't stand a chance in the other trials, I'd rather you die quickly at my own hands than half eaten by a crusher."22

One of the Oni had left, the other one stood, looking at me intently. He raised an axe and I figured it out.23

I turned my head away as the axe hit the chain, and I slid down the stone, pushing away with my thick cuffs. I landed hard and fell onto my ass.24

I struggled up onto my feet and turned to face Kajos. I ran at him and he vanished. A foot swept out my knees from behind. I fell down and rolled to avoid his hand, stretching out and spiking into the ground.25

I bashed him with my shield as he came at me again. He dissappeared. I spun and swung low, catching his shoulder with the tip of my sword. A dark smoky mist flowed out of the wound. I kicked his chest, and he tumbled back into a crouch.26

As I advanced, Kajos leapt up, driving his fingers into my shoulder. I pushed him away. His wound healed. As his hand slid out of my shoulder I watched little strands of blue snapping and retreating into my body.27

I felt the hopless weakness that haunts use to defeat their enemies, but I fought it, and faced him again. He jabbed his fingers at me repeatedly, I blocked and parried, backing away from him.28

At a moment of opportunity, I swung backhanded at him with my left arm. He avoided my shield, but the chain on my left shackle wrapped around his neck. I pulled the other way and he fell forward. With a sharp tug I smashed his head into my shield. He looked at me somberly, and said, "Go ahead, do what you must."29

I reared back with my sword pointed at him. Dark strands of shadow snaked down my arm, twisting and coiling amongst eachother and wrapping up my blade. It felt natural, though I had no idea what I was doing. I thrust my blade into his throat. It severed most of his neck, leaving a little on either side. The shadows spread through him and he vanished in a puff of blue.30

The crowd went into a frenzy. The announcer yelled something, I'm still not sure what. People threw trinkets they had brought with them. I listened to the booming applause for a minute and then, it stopped. Everyone, everything, it was all gone, if it wasn't nailed down it had disappeared. My blood was gone. The dust on the packed and dried dirt, gone. I stood there alone, surrounded by a non existent audience.31

I looked around the arena. Eight pillars like the one I had started on. Four gates, all of them locked, the place was perfectly symmetrical, I couldn't even tell which gate I had come in from. I sat down and waited. Nothing happened, the sun just continued glaring at me from above, playing off the weird architecture, casting strange shadows as it lowered. It gave one last blast of heat before finally it could not hold its face above the arena's rim any longer, and gave its brother a chance.32

The moon rose with fierce determination. Tired of the abusive celestial attention, I ducked into the foyer of one gate and sat against the wall. Eventually exhaustion overpowered paranoia, and I passed out.33

I heard, or rather, vaguely acknowledged that there was a buzzing sound coming to me. I might have felt two small feet plant on my shoulder. What I'm sure I felt was the tiny hand digging into my lower lip. Reflexively I batted at it.34

"Oof!" said a small voice. "What the hell was that for?"35

I turned and looked at a small fairy laying on the ground, "What do you mean? What the hell did you do to me?" I replied, as my lip started bleeding.36

"I saw you sleeping here in the arena, so I though, maybe that bloke could use some help."37

"This is help?" I asked, gesturing vaguely to my lip, "I'm sorry if I seem ungrateful, but that frigging hurt."38

"Piss off. What are you doing anyway?" she asked, regaining some sweetness.39

"I'm stuck, they just left me here after I won," I reached for the bars of the gate, "It's locked see... Seeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooh crap, I'm an idiot," My hand waved through the gate. It wasn't even there.40

"Genious. I guess it's understandable though, you're not from here, so you're still thinking in terms of solid reason," she leaned in, "I'd advise you to lose that attitude. Well, I've done my deed for the day. I hope to see you around mortal, if you ever find a group of fairies," she took flight, "Just call for Azure." With that she flew off.41

I walked through the 'gate' and down a small hallway. At the end of the hallway was a holding room. I found a warm plate of beef and rice, and a bottle of black liquid. I sat down and uncorked the bottle. Vapors escaped as a small ghostly head, screaming weakly.42

The liquid tasted like wine and blood, and frankly, I liked it. It made me feel a little less weak.43

I fought every day, sometimes twice. I fought a group of crushers at the end of my first week, it was tricky, and it took a long time, but my fight against Kajos was definately harder. 44

Every time it was the same drill. Oni would come and reforge my shackles, then take me to the arena and then slide my chains over the post. After cutting me down, I killed things and went back home to a nice warm meal.45

The dishes and wine got better as I learned to fight better. The reddish black stuff got replaced with a bluish potion, and the chuck beef was replaced with round. 46

I fought all sorts of Kami, I never fought the same kind twice. My weirdest battle was against the king of hearts, a Priest Kami. I cut the crown from his head, and before he died -I couldn't help myself- I boasted to him, "The king is dead, long live the king."47

I had collected a good pile of money and gifts from the people. Apparantly I had become popular. I even received a few letters. It took me a while to realize that the shadows were allowing it to sway me to their way of thinking. Their first mistake was thinking that I cared one way or another.48

At last, I came to the end of my trials. When I started the match, all the pillars had sunken into the ground. Rather than carrying me out, I was led freely to the center of the arena. I waited as I was announced. "Alright ladies and gentlemen. We've been with Al through some tough times, but today is his last fight, for better, or for worse. Today he has a special little challenge. Onto the eight pillars-" they rose up out of the ground, "We have chained four beautiful volunteers. What's that you say? There are eight lovely ladies? No Al, four of those girls out there waiting to be rescued are Kami spirits in disguise. A Creature, a Crusher, a Haunt, and a Priest.49

"But you weren't expecting to just walk right up and say hi were you? If you were Al, you're just not learning." When he said this, Creatures appeared around all of the pillars. "Don't worry Al, this won't be very easy. And by the way, the four disguised Kami are all avatars. You know what to do little buddy."50

I stood there in the center for a moment. The girls had some sort of enchantment to keep the Creatures off of them, so my only concern was killing. I walked up on a group of rokka spiders, ducking around the stones they spat at me, and wincing as they exploded behind me.51

I picked up one of the fragments and hurled it at a spider. The monster recoiled from the flaming blue shrapnel. I killed them with little difficulty. After they were finished, I cut the chains holding the first girl. She dropped to the ground, and I helped her up.52

As I pulled her up, she pulled herself against me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Now's not the time love," I said to her.53

She followed me over to the next pillar, staying back as I dealt with the Creatures. When the next girl hit the ground, she immediately transformed. Her hands turned to giant claws. Legs grew out of her sides, and a huge tail with a sting sprouted out.54

After a moment she was a full grown giant scorpion. A claw scraped the ground where I stood. I leapt onto it, and ran up its arm. I hopped off to avoid its other claw, and it grabbed itself, cutting through its own armor.55

Its sting struck the ground behind me. I ducked under its bleeding arm and ran at its face. It tried backing away, but I was too fast. I jumped onto its head and started stomping around. It tried reaching for me, but flexibility was in my favor.56

It stung at me, hitting itself in the back of the head. I hopped down and lopped off a pincer. I walked over to the next group of creatures, and pitched the pincer at one of them. They were just harpies, easily spooked. They flew off. I cut down the next girl. When I helped her up, she looked me in the eye briefly and then turned away, blushing.57

I freed another girl. She was a little more bold than the others, but still stayed back as I fought.58

The next girl I cut loose turned into a giant of a crusher, a little bit treelike. The first swing hit me, knocking me back. I ran between its legs, shlashing its left ankle. It turned, dragging its huge fists across the ground. 59

As its hand came past, I cut the heel of its palm open and turned around, leaping up and lodging my sword in its left knee. I ripped it down cutting a deep gash down its leg. As it fell on that side, I turned and slashed open its other ankle.60

It swung at me, completely off balance. I ducked, and cut its wrist open as its hand flew past. Having done enough damage, I left it to die.61

The next girl I cut down turned into a freakish harlequin. She kicked at me, and caught my shoulder. I bashed her back with my shield, and thrust at her. She pushed my sword off with her fingertips on the flat face of the blade, and elbowed me. I tackled her.62

I righted myself on the ground. She threw a handful of red 'diamonds' at me like shuriken. They stuck into my shield and the ground around me. 63

As we fought, the Crusher started lumbering up behind me, still bleeding profusely from its wounds. I advanced on the harlequin under a flurry of spades, now caught between two foes.64

An idea came to me. It was a long shot, but if it worked, well, it would look really cool. I bolted at the harlequin and jumped at her, my feet poised to kick. She saw an easy throw and took my foot, not expecting me to push off of her, and flip through the air at the crusher.65

I stuck my sword into the crusher's chest with both hands and hung there. I put my feet up and pulled hard downward on the blade. I cut to the bottom of its sternem and the soft flesh gave way. I landed between its feet on the ground. The harlequin raised a hand full of diamonds, and the crusher fell onto her.66

I cut down the last safe girl, and walked to the final pillar. I put the sword to last "girl's" throat and asked, "Why shouldn't I just kill you now." She was sincerely frightened.67

"Lookout!" she shouted. Before I could even turn around I felt a sharp pain in my right shoulder. It got excruciating for a moment, as I was thrown through the air. I tumbled on the ground. Dizzy, so very dizzy. I stood and blocked a spike of a hand aimed at my head.68

The Haunt had disguised herself. One of the four girls was actually a Kami. I looked at each one of them in turn. None of them had seen who it was, they simply backed away, looking around at each other.69

The captive. I looked at the girl chained to the pillar, and pointed my sword at her shouting, "Who? Who is it?"70

"On the left, the one in green!" The girl she indicated looked at me, frightened.71

"I-It wasn't me, it was her, she's tricking you, sh-she phased her hand behind you. You- you have to believe me please," she clasped her hands in front of me.72

I raised my sword behind me. Shadows enveloped the blade. Was I right. I swung. I was right. She stabbed me in the chest with her hand. I felt life draining from me as my sword clanged on the ground.73

She pulled me closer, slowly. Whisper soft breath spread across my cheek and ear. It chilled me. I heard her whispering in my head. My love come to me. Come give in to my embrace.74

She put her lips to my cheek, and grazed my face with them, moving to my mouth. I felt my mind darkening. Falling into the shadow. I left my body for a moment and said to myself, "Self, you're an idiot, pick up you freaking sword and kill the hell out of this chick. Don't even think about kissing her you idiot."75

I pulled on the shadows connecting my arm to the sword and it jumped into my hand. My mind snapped back and life returned in a speeding blindness of light. I struck her hard in the side. She fell over and black mist billowed out of the room.76

She struggled to get up and I wrapped my chain around her neck. I lifted her up and looked her in the eye. "Sorry love," I whispered in her ear. I stabbed her in the collar, centered on her chest, right beneath the throat.77

When the last girl hit the ground, the announcer's booming voice filled the stadium once more, "Great job Al! You are now a member of the League of Shadows!"78

I held my sword up in a triumphant pose, the audience cheered as they threw down tokens of their affection. I walked down that famillar hallway to my room. 79

An honor guard sat waiting for me. They had already loaded my trophies onto a hand cart, and the captain hurried me to get moving out the door. "Where to boss?" I asked him.80

"Your new home," he replied.