A day of life with Lyme

I open my eyes, The blinding sun is peeking through the curtain. Most others would love the sun, I loath it. I instantly close my eyes, to avoid the discomfort caused by the light. I try to stretch. The pain excruciating, radiating through my thighs, burning as though I've been set ablaze.
Tears crest my eyes. I must crawl out of bed. As I fight back the tears, sitting up, pushing the blanket aside, I Reach for my pills, swallow one down. There must be a war inside my body, fighting to function with all the medications I take.
I can hear my children laughing and playing out in the house. Wishing to myself, Someday, I will be able to run and laugh with them, someday, I wont hurt when they hug me.
A sharp pain shoots through my arm, another in my head. The thought of leaving my bed has become just that, a mere thought. Placing my head on the pillow I curl back up under the blanket. I'll just wait till the pain medication kicks in, then I'll go out there.
No longer able to fight back the tears, they began to fall with lightning speed. Why me? Self pity rising in my head. Anger, defeat, I can't even enjoy my day. While others are smiling, shopping, sharing family time. I lie in bed, crying from the pain and sorrow. Yet another fierce burning, now in my back. Body now twitching and quivering. Another issue of this awful disease.
I swipe the tears away. Might as well turn on the television instead of lying here in horrible thoughts. Maybe it will take my mind off the torture, and depression.
My husband comes in to check on me. Asking if I would like anything to eat. I decline, I am no longer hungry for the most part, and when I am, I eat so little before I feel as though I will expell it. One of the factors in my significant weight loss.
He leans over to hug me, I pull away, afraid of the pain it may cause. I see the sorrow in his eyes, I long for the day I don't worry him, or cause such distress. I shreek, and grab my head. I ask him to leave, I can't stand to see him hurt because of my agony. He leans over and plants a kiss on my forehead. Smiling at him "I love you." , I whisper, as he walks out the door.
I hear the kids ask, "Is mommy coming out?" To which he replies," No, mommy is having another bad day, maybe later."
Here come the tears again, along with more ripping pains in my legs. Eyes shut, I wonder to myself. Must I lie here and suffer, while so many in the world enjoy their life. Maybe tomorrow will be an easier day. Less pain, maybe they will find a cure tomorrow. Ha, wishful thinking.
Nichole A.Dustin (c)
11/12/2007