♥I Said I Love You And I Still Do♥

You claim your not the guy for me, yet, you're still standing here with that desparate prove-me-wrong look in your eyes. I can't believe you even thought about leaving me. You're an idiot, you know that right? I step forward, you step back. I've never had to work so hard to get a guy to understand me. Jeez, we've been dating seven months and you're still nervous as ever. I make you nervous, I think with a smile. My hands slip around your waist.1

"No," I whisper to you, "don't take a step back. Not yet."2

You freeze, like I'm going to kill you. Relax, would you? I'm simply going to pull you close and kiss you. Seven months of dating, not once have you kissed me good-night. Hold my hand, sure, but kiss me? Not once. Not yet. I'm tired of waiting. I fell in love with you about six and a half months ago, honey. Don't make me wait anymore. I'm going crazy. I want my hands all over you.3

Your eyes flicker with fear, as if you're scared I'll hurt you. Not now, not ever. I don't think I could possibly hurt you. I'll never leave you, never ever. Why can't you get that through your head? I'm pulling you close now. Just relax. Just breathe.4

Staring into your eyes gets me lost, completely lost. I stand up on my tippy toes and breathe, "Relax. Please, would you just relax?"5

You don't say anything. I see it in your eyes, you're terrified now. I didn't know I could make anyone terrified before. It's almost a nice feeling. It is. Except, I'll gloat over that when I'm finished seducing you.6

My eyes lock with yours. You're panicking now, like a deer caught in the car's headlights. My fingers trail up and down your back. Relax, I tell you with my mind. You don't even blink, but I'm getting goose bumps of my own. You look so vunerable, so weak, so scared. Relax, baby. I won't hurt you.7

With that as my last stable thought, my lips touch yours. Barely touch yours, and I'm weak. I'm terrified, I'm angry, I'm helpless, I'm lost, I'm confuse, I'm happy, I'm on the top of the world, I'm scared. Everything I thought I knew, well, it just went out the window, didn't it? I thought this kiss would be passionate, hot, sweaty, perfect. It wasn't. It was so much more. You made me feel things I didn't know I could feel. Just by a simple kiss, my heart stop, my blood burned, my pulse raced too fast.8

My knees went weak.9

I lost my mind, I lost my mind. That's all I could think. I had finally been pushed over the edge. I wasn't surprised it was by you. You're like an angel, but when you kiss back, I just melt.10

Everything already disappeared, and my thoughts of seducing you are gone. Your hands slip around my waist, trail up my back and tangle in my hair. I can't breathe, but I'm not pulling away yet. I don't want it to end. Don't make it end. You kiss lightly, softly, gentally, almost as if you're telling me you'll be careful. It doesn't matter though, because I'm kissing you back hard, roughly, and passionately. I'm telling you, I want you to take me and get it over with.11

You pull away, and I have to thank the heavens you did. I couldn't breathe, and I still can't catch my breath. My eyes are close, but I could tell you were panting. Kissing has never been like that for me. Not that simply devastating. Not ever.12

"You just," I hear you breathe close to my ear, "ruined all other kisses for me."13

I can only nod in agreement. How can I explain to you that on a scale of one to ten, that kiss was about a billion times a trillion? My heart's starting up again, and before I realize it, it's going too fast. I still feel your hands tangled up in my hair, and I realize I'm still gripping onto you.14

"Holy," is all I can think to say. My eyes flicker open now, and I find myself staring at you--with your eyes closed still. You're beautiful. I can feel the heat between us sizzling, popping, boiling, and then it explodes when your eyes open and lock with me. Who knew that those big brown eyes of yours could be so devastatingly beautiful?15

Our eyes are locked on each other's now, but it hardly matters. You pull me close, slipping your hands down to my lower back, and bury your face in my hair. How did this happen? How could we have so much, and not know? I hang on to you like it's the last time I ever will. I wanted to seduce you tonight. Before you left me for good. I could live forever, pretty happily, just because of that damn kiss.16

"Don't leave," I whisper, my voice is dry and it catches. I'm crying and I didn't even realize it. "Please," I beg softly, "don't leave me."17

"I have to," you reply, sounding just as scared as I was.18

"I love you."19

♥20

That was the last night I saw you. We created life that night. I'll never forget it, since it was more devastating than the simple kiss. I held our baby son in my arms, and I named him after you. He's just as heart-breakingly beautiful as you were. I can look at him, remember that last night, and I can be happy.21

I understand why you left. I understand that you had to go. Just know, that even though you're gone, determinded to make something of yourself, me and your son are in the little town you once called home. We're waiting for you to come back, but for now, we're happy.22

I can watch our son, our five year old son, and laugh with pure joy. It was hard, yes, right after you left, but I can look at what we created and I can laugh with pure joy. I do miss you, especially when I look at him and see you in him, but I know eventually you will come back. Whether it's to see your parents at Christmas, or to be with me, you'll look at us and see how happy we are. You'll see us and you'll come home with us.23

♥24