I walked out of the bathroom after taking a 10 minute shower and brushing my teeth. I immediately walked into my bedroom. I Put on my PJ’s (Which was a Red T-shirt that said, “Lucky 10”, and my dark blue PJ bottoms), and went to bed. It was 10:30PM, and my parents were still out. I think they’ll be back in an hour or two.2
I just watched a movie about ghosts; it wasn’t that long, the length of the movie was probably like an hour and a half. They talked about ghosts and then they showed those two guys trying to prove the existence of ghosts (Like anyone cares).3
Also in that movie, there was a house that looks extraordinarily like ours. The house that I live in is over 100 years old. It’s old, and dirty, and it isn’t very straight (That house looked like it was about to fall over. I wish it did. I hate house!).4
Every time when I walk up or down the stairs, the stairs make loud and irritable creaks that make you want to get a mallet and hit the stairs. So much for going downstairs and secretly getting food from the kitchen.5
Anyways, they said that the house that we live in now is haunted and that no one lived there for years because of it. Well, my Dad was the idiot that bought the place. What, he couldn’t just buy a normal looking house just like most dads?6
“Well I don’t believe in ghosts,” I said to myself as I rested my head on my pillow. 7
“I mean, if ghosts REALLY existed why they couldn’t just…just…come out and…scare…me.” I immediately drifted off to sleep. 8
I woke up, standing there in my PJ’s as I looked around. Everything around me was pitch black, so I couldn’t see a thing. As I began to wonder how I got to this room in the first place, I heard a scream, a woman screaming. Was that woman in trouble?9
“Hello,” I called out. No answer. I listened very closely for a few seconds. No screaming. Was I imagining that scream? Was I hallucinating? I thought I was until moments later, I heard the scream again, but this time, it was a little louder. I knew that I was in a predicament, and that I need to get out of it FAST! 10
As I began to walk around, trying to feel the things around me, I bumped into something as I began walking in the right direction, or at least I bumped into something. All I felt was cold air, which I thought was very unusual, since it was warmer when I walked into the left direction. Maybe there was an open door in the direction I was walking, so I kept walking, but I stopped after walking a few more steps. The air got colder. My whole body felt like it's going numb at this very second! Could it be wind, or something else? I tried getting that out of my mind, as I knew that those things didn’t exist. There was just no way!11
As I walked a little further, the air got so cold that I took a few steps back. I knew that if I walked any further I would probably die of Hypothermia. I turned around and walked into the other direction, hoping that the air wouldn’t get colder. It didn’t, but then I realized that it surprisingly got hotter. I stepped back quickly. If I walked into the left direction, it will get cold, and if I walked into the direction I just walked in, It will be hot and humid. Helpless, I just stood there, and looked at the ceiling (If there really was a ceiling up there), and prayed to God, hoping that there was a sign that I was going to be ok. After I prayed for over a minute, I sighed. What if I never get out of this dark place? What if I do? What’s going to happen to me? If I don’t escape, will I die of Hypothermia, or will I decease from a heat stroke? Either way, I’m doomed.12
Then, all of a sudden, I heard the scream again. I jumped a little. Now I knew I wasn’t imagining it. I quickly looked around. I was like a cat, always curious about things, but will my curiosity kill me?13
I saw it…I saw it, I KNEW I SAW IT!! Right above me, I saw a face…a face of a girl about my age. She had carrot red hair with blue bows in her hair. She had freckles on her cheeks, and her face was very pale, like chalk. She doesn’t look very courteous. She must’ve died in this place years ago, and now, I think she was about to kill me! There it was a kitchen knife in her right hand; I assumed the length of the knife was 10 inches. There was already blood on her knife, which made me think: Did she kill herself, or did she die unexpectedly and wanted to kill everyone that she thinks is inconvenience her. How the hell did I get here in the first place?14
Before I even asked myself that question, the girl flew closer and closer to me with the bloody knife in her pale hands. I was not going to accept death yet! I walked backwards to get away from the ghost; I immediately felt the warmth yet again, but I kept walking backwards. The closer the ghost got to me, the faster I walked backwards until after three minutes of walking backwards, I started running backwards, hoping that I won’t bump into anything. It got warmer and warmer until I couldn’t run backwards anymore, because it was too hot…too humid. I lived in Arizona nearly all my life and I got used to the hot temperatures, but this heat was WAY above Arizona’s temperatures.15
I collapsed to the ground. The ground was ice cold. I sighed of relief as my sweaty face met the coldness of the hard floor, but I knew that the coldness of the hard floor will not be enough to survive. I need to get out of here, but there is no escape! 16
“I’m going to die,” I said to myself. “Now, I need to accept it.”17
I slowly got up, completely forgot that a ghost was going to kill me, but when I realized that, it was too late. The ghost was now holding a 30 inch rope. I screamed at the top of my lungs, as loud as I can be. That’s when…18
I quickly woke up. My heart was pounding, my armpits and face was perspiring, and I was breathing quite rapidly. I looked around. I was in my bedroom. I can see everything! The window, the bed, the bedroom door, the clock, everything!19
“It was all a dream…It wasn’t real. Well, I’ll be goddamned.” I looked at my digital clock. 3:30 AM. It was technically a Sunday Night, my parents were already home, and I won’t wake up until 7:30 AM, four hour away. 20
“I should go back to sleep now, and hopefully, I won’t have that dream again,” I thought. I put my head on my pillow, and slowly let my eyelids drop. Just when my eyelids dropped, I jumped; shivers went quickly down my spine. It was unusually chilly. I had three layers of blankets on me (One was made out of cotton, the 2nd one was made out of wool, and the third one was made out of polyester), and my bedroom window wasn’t even open. I climbed out of bed, shivering. On the floor next to my bed was the air vent I put my foot on it to see if I could feel any cold air. I didn’t. I didn’t feel anything at all. THE AC WASN’T ON!!21
I turned my head around and thought about that ghost in my dream. Was the dream real? Was it not? Am I going freakin’ crazy here? Is this *bunny* house really haunted?! I was about to receive my answer soon.22
Very, very soon.23
Author notes
One day, Chryssi (Token Massacre) told me that I need to start writing non-fiction stories again. She knows I can write. She was absolutely right. All I wrote was fan-fiction stories (Which was not a problem), but I haven't written a Non-fic story in a long time. So after Chryssi told me that, I went to work, working on a good story, but everytime when i thought of an idea, I would start writing about it. Then i would get bored and write something else.
This morning, I wrote this story, and stuck with it. That's when I knew that I was doing great, and that I haven't lost my touch at writing non-fic stories. Now, please review this story before I start to ramble.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I have one word to sum this story up. Awesome!!!
Keep up the good work.

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Watch the first paragraph, you make it sound monotone... I did this and this and this. It throws off the flow.
I just watched a movie about ghosts; it wasn’t that long, the length of the movie was probably like an hour and a half.
this is somewhat repetitive... if you worded it something like
I just watched a movie about ghosts; it wasn’t that long, it was probably like an hour and a half.
that eliminates the problem
watch skipping tenses. you go from past-present and back through the story
Paragraphs 7 & 8 can be combined
thoughts should go in single quotes or italics if possible.
bumped into something as I began walking in the right direction, or at least I bumped into something
I think you meant
at least "I thought" I bumped into something
watch capitalizing random words.
I like the concept of the story. I think you could definitely expand this, make the fear more believable. The dialogue works well but you need more description. Keep up the good work. (Let me know if you edit this I'd like to read it again)
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I haven't read anything by for a while that wasn't fan fiction so this was nice for a change. This was a spooky story. You did a good job writing this.


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The idea was great. Yes, if you put your mind to it you can write.
And no, Hitori - hypothermia has to do with air. It is the opposite of HypERthermia which has to do with heat stroke.
Back to the story: You need to really check this piece for grammar/word usage. And you tend to jump from past tense to present and back again.
Some examples of error:
"I need to get out of here, but there was no escape!" - There *is* no escape, if you want to stick to present tense.
"My whole body felt like it's going numb at this very second!" - My whole body felt like it was going numb a that very second!
There is a lot more, but with a good read through, I'm sure you can figure it out.
All in all great job! =D
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SpooooOOOooOOoooO00oo00oOOky....XD
Good start...but a 10-inch ROPE won't do anything. A 10-inch BLADE is a different matter. And you can't get hypothermia from the air - that's water. Hey, did you know that you can get hypothermia in your swimming pool in the summer?! If the water is colder than your normal body temperature, you can get hypo. XD






