Chapter Ten- part three #1
I lay awake in a hospital, now clothed and feeling dreary. My head still numb, the pain merely a tingle. I had been medicated all right, knocked out and silenced, and for what, so they could keep my mouth shut, from keeping the truth that they did not want to hear, The truth was that I did not want to live anymore, it was simple, It was my wish, a play on words, my dying wish, to be dead. To be a rotting, limpid corpse, charred and buried for eternity, to be with my Romeo.2
Though Kerry was very far from Romeo, well a typical Romeo at that, more like a borderline psychotic Romeo, one that would rip you to shreds the moment you laid your eyes upon him. Just like he had done to me, the first time that I lay eyes on him. He had ripped it through me, like all hell had broken loose,and had scared me half to death, but I was determined to prove that there was another side to him that no one else was willing to try and figure out, or see.3
I had the parts of the puzzle figured out, his dreams, his desires, I had idea's about how his mind worked. Though it took a lot of trust for him to let me in, and when he finally did, I knew that all my assumptions were right. He was more than just an average bad boy, rebel if you may, he was satan's spurn in all his glory, and yet his faith led me to believe that there was more to him than the anger and the angst that he portrait on a regular basis.4
It was what I had fallen in love with, his split personal, like an alter ego, trespassing over my heart, making me discover a darkness beyond the barb wire, or picket fence I had been prisoned behind for so many years. It was one of the reasons I stayed alive in the first place, to discover life beyond the normal, to really experience the joys that horror could cast upon someones life. It was what I missed the most, in this now sad, lonely solo existence that I lingered in.5
Though they wouldn't let me die, they wanted me to stay alive, to be loved again. So for now I would give them there wish, there happiness and dreams for a happy ever after story-tale, where a new man comes along and sweeps me on my feet and we fall in love, and get married and someday start a family, and have a perfect life and live happily ever after. It was bullshit, it was senseless parody upon Kerry's life and his existence beyond the after life. 6
I was ashamed to even think of his parents, his parents who seemed to have forgotten him so quickly, it was cruel to imagine what they really must have thought of there son, to forget his beauty so easy, though they never really knew him to begin with. They never had the time to try, and so he remained a memory, the memory of a boy who had so much to live for and never lived it. I pitied them in a way, for never accepting him, and treating him like the forgotten child, but when he's death came to there horrific attention, they paraded their love for him, like he was the perfect son they worshiped and could not do without. It was fair enough, I mean yes deep down all parents love their children, but it was so blatantly obvious that they didn't give a damn, and only did do to boost the families reputation through sorrow.7
I never did understand the higher class citizens and there constant craving for public attention or some sort of recognition, it was depressing in my eyes that wealth meant more to these people than family, or time spent with there kids, real family time.8
I sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes, and looked across the cream, covered scratched paint walls, to see my mother sitting behind the curtain that was draped around my bed, I felt like a prisoner, closed of for decontamination, behind an ugly white mask of fabric that had hidden and lost many lives before, by covering them up from the light of the world, and inviting them into the darkness.
Author notes
Just tell me what you think mainly about the lot..Im not so big on grammar ect with this story.. since my goal is to just write it and accomplish my goals...
though anything I have fucked up please tell me..
Blair
In a list
Honest OPINIONS
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Interesting
Here you seem to be getting into opinions on society, and you also seem to be cleverly moving away from the obsession with the dead young man. Interesting continuity...
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So what's she going to do now?
Live her life like what she did never happened?
Or will she try to commit suicide again to truly be with her lover again? -
Interesting take on 'bad boys'...
Read the comments below, most very helpful and supportive thoughts and does not leave much to add. But, always curious as to why girls are so attracted to the 'bad, unruly boys' in society, adventurous, dangerous, challenging, I guess, works for me...
And total obsession with one you understand fully and better than anyone else...that fills a place in your own soul, without whom living seems of no purpose...very Romeo and Juliestish, in a good way, an all consuming love...
I rather like your story thus far...
Thank you...
amicus...
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So you don't want anyone to point out any mistakes which may have been made, that is fine. So you are aware of the grammar issues and commas and so on, so I will not point them out. But suggest if you ever tr to get this published and am sure you will if you do, polish it up.
This chapter was okay in reading, I will read on and see what happens next.
Sarah
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Once again, we see more development into the character of Reidy but now Kerry is starting to flesh out a bit more. Their relationship is starting to move into new realms and we can see why she fell for him and how he behaved in life.
This scene takes on, an almost flashback quality as Reidy idolizes Kerry and presents him as perfect to her. Again, we have to question the Narrator's judgement on this matter. This was someone that she loved and now she is trying to convey this love to us. Her tone takes on one of begging. She realizes that we are judging her for her suicide attempt and her commitment to death and now, in a beautifully poetic style, she tries to justify her actions.
In the name of Kerry we also see a connection to death. Kerry is also the name of a county in Ireland, it's nickname being 'The Kingdom'. This is a link to heaven as Reidy tries to join her lover 'her kingdom' in the Kingdom of Heaven. Each time Kerry is mentioned is in connection with the theme of death.
We also see resentment and a small hint of communism in her statements as she describes the role of Kerry's parents after his death. She seems to regard their mourning as rather phoney and that the grieving was purely selfish. However, this where we are able to question her vicious and rather blunt statements. She believes that she was the only one who cared for Kerry and is determined to prove her point. She does not want to listen the truth, only to reinforce her own thoughts.
It also becomes apparent from this chapter that Reidy is trying to comfort herself by assuring herself that she will be reunited with her love in heaven. But she cannot come to terms with her loss and is determined to join him as soon as possible. With this in mind, she sees herself as on a crusade and all those around her are her opponents.
Once again, the depth of character in this sector are spectacular and the more I read, the more I want to know what happens in the end.
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from keeping the truth that they did not want to hear, (the wording seems off to me)2
but when he's(his) death came to there horrific attention,7
and only did do(this, that) to boost the families reputation through sorrow.7
closed of(off) for decontamination, 9
Another great part, I like that you spent a while describing Kerry since he is a big part in this. It was quite emotional, and a very good read.
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the story, and Reidy, are developing more personality, and developing a rhythm. I thought you did a really good job portrying her take on his parent's reaction to Kerry's death. I came from such a family, and thought that you nailed it right and proper.
Still a nice job, on to the next!
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scott ^_^
SWEET..it is always good like I said to know I have nailed it, and that it sounds realistic, it is what I wanted and still want as I am writing, for it to seem believable... I am sorry about you're family ^-^ -huggs-
Glad you are enjoying it..makes sure you are enjoing it..
be honest when you are not
As for now keep reading - makes me all happy and thank you once again for the clappy happy men
Love Blair
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I'm exasperated at how well you explain the pain, the thoughts, the memories...of a person who had just lost their lover. If I hadn't known better I would say you, as a writer, has experienced it...I say you are incredibly talented with description! I'm off to read more.
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Paragraph 4: 'protrayed on a regular basis.'
Paragraph 5: 'imprisoned behind...'
Paragraph 6: 'fairy-tale' ?
Paragraph 7: 'his death came to...' 'only did so to boost...'
-Overall-
Not too much to say about this one that I haven't said about the others already. I'm looking forward to the next read, until then...
-Gito
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I feel you expressed the emotions of the character more fluidly in this chapter. Here you gave us emotionally charged descriptions of her lost love etc. This worked much better then just telling us how she was feeling.
Pretty much everything in this chapter is an improvement on what you have written before.
Good work
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Well you have said your low on the grammar, I will just leave that out though you really should be upto knack with most major errors.
This part would have to so far be my favorite one, it has a good sense of direction and worked out well enough. Mostly the part I liked best was how very little the paragraphs collided this time.
When there is little talking, and its something you can be sure about when writing, you manage to capture the moment well enough.
keep it up, more parts like this would be good.
~Lady Madeline. -
Wow, I loved the descriptions of the hospital curtains at the end. I love the way you think and write it's really creative, and fresh and differente. I also liked the way you described a little more about Kerry, although I still want to find out more about him, he intrigues me. I thought the spacing and paragraphs in this part made the story easier to read too.
i'm also interested in finding out about the fences that have imprisoned the Reidy for most of her life, what were they and why wwas she behind them?
You raise many questions in my mind which is great for a story to do. -
wow again again
Ok what's with the bunny? seriously!!?!
but that's not the case.
Anyway I see where this is going. I can relate to Kerry somehow (although I am his total inverse) because I've never been accepted easily as someone who fits in. I've always been shy. But my friend, Jennifer, she accepted me for who I was. And I'm glad for that.
Anyway, good job!!!
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oh WOW
This was great, showing what a person who lost a lover is like to the rest of the world. You pulled it off magnificently...
Great Job,
DarkOne
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I really like how you described the curtain in the end. I would have just thought of it as a white curtain, but the way the girl thinks of it in the end was really interesting ^_^
But just one question, how did she know it was her mother behind the curtain? Did she just assume it?
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