My Dearest Katherine, I love you...

A gentle breeze shook the needle-covered branches. The trees stood bathed in the brilliant glow that emanated from the white moon above. Wisps of clouds drifted lazily across the sky and around the moon as though framing it. It was the perfect picture of peace and serenity. 1

The same moonlight shone through the barred window and fell in shafts onto the paper as the pen danced across it, filling the white depths with endless black lines and curls. Here there was no peace. There was no serenity, as his hand worked its way to and fro across the paper. 2

There was no blood visible, but the pain was beyond imaginable as he poured his heart out to allow it to take the form of words on the white sheet.3

13 March 19724

My Dearest Kitty5

There is so much that I would like to say to you, but some things cannot be expressed by words alone and others still, can only be felt. 6

The pain I feel this night is something that can only be felt and no amount of words could ever explain it.7

Twenty years ago we met for the first time. Little did I know that my life would change forever from then on. People wonder whether there is such a thing as love at first sight, I myself, doubted it until I met you. I find it hard to endure a day without you, but eight years, Kitty, eight years. The sound of your voice seems so faint these days and I can no longer remember your gentle touch. I long to hold you in my arms and to see your eyes light up when you smile, but every day I am denied that simple yet fundamental thing. I can live without food and I can live without water, but not without you, Kitty. 8

Fifteen years. That is how long I must be separated from the only thing that I love on this cruel earth. I must wait fifteen years to see you when I have no reason to be here. You believed me and that was all I needed. You alone saw that I could not take another’s life.9

Take care of Jane and make sure she learns everything I was never able to teach her. Let her know that I love her, everyday. When she is grown up, maybe you will be able to explain this to her, maybe she will understand.10

I feel the last of my strength leaving my body. You need to be strong for both of us, Kitty. I love you and nothing on this earth can be used to describe how much. Live out my dreams for me and stay strong, Jane needs you. 11

Our love cannot be separated by mere earthly things, nothing can ever separate us. This is not the end so please do not think of it like that. I will always be with you and one day we will be reunited in a place more wonderful than you or I could ever imagine.12

I’ve never had your strength, I wish now that I did so that I could hold you one last time and say how much I love you.13

I love you.14

Yours Forever, until we meet again15

James16

A gentle breeze drifted through the tiny window set into the concrete wall. It was cool, refreshing and with it came the scent of hope, but it was too late. No amount of hope could stir the lifeless body hanging from the ceiling. 17

Nowhere in the cell could anything showing the heartache he had felt be seen. Nothing but a letter on which in flowing script could be read, “my Dearest Katherine, I love you.” This was only sign of the heartache that had caused him to scream as he stepped into the air ready to be welcomed into Death’s waiting arms18

Author notes

Based on "I'll follow you into the dark" by Death Cab for Cutie

* CONTEST NOTES *
I like this story because I wrote very quickly and it turned out so well. I love the fact that he dies in the end because I like tragic love stories. I'm a sucker for romance, but when writing I write sad stuff. I also like it because out of all my stories is is written the best and it flows.

* MORE CONTEST NOTES *
--Did Not Follow Rule(s): Instant DQ or -50 points

--Grammar Error: -5 points for each grammar error

--Spelling Error: -10 points for each spelling error

--Boring Me: -50 points

--Keeping Me Hooked: +50 points

--Making Me Laugh: +10

-- < 600 words: +15 (if it is short and sweet.)

--Has A Really Good Story Starter: +5

--Bad Story Starter: -5

--If You Post This In Your Author Notes: +10

...Those are all the rules.


*MORE CONTEST NOTES*
[1] Love

*MORE*
Shoe size: 6
Option: [2][Something deep]

*MORE CONTEST NOTES* - Contest 5 Options!!!!
Fave band: We The Kings
Option 5: Deep Stories

*EVEN MORE*
Hello Moto

*MORE CONTEST NOTES*
Option 3: All sad
Favourite movie: Troy

*CONTEST NOTES*
MANGO MANGO MANGO

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 56 of 56

  • Maggie Kay
    March 11

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    i agree with you im kinda glad he died to because i love sad endings too!
    I like how you used the letter format instead of a story.
    Very interesting and flowed really well
    Thanks for entering


  • Lovlie
    February 22

    Edit | Reply

    o.O

    The list of contests and the author's note is longer than the story. And it left me on the larger side of confused. Maybe I should listen to the song again...

  • BurntUmber
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    good job and good luck


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    October 11, 2008

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    Good Story!

    I would have liked more background about the murder he was supposed to have committed. I feel that the story is rather half told. I hated that he decided to kill himself and I didn't realize that was coming.

    Thanks for entering Exceptional Stories To Be Published.

    Andy


  • Six-Feet-Underwater
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is fantastic. I've never read a story quite like it.

    'There was no blood visible, but the pain was beyond imaginable as he poured his heart out' I love that line.
    Great Job.


  • xXSongxxofxxLifeXx
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was very well written. I loved how he couldn't describe what he was feeling with words, because let's face it, words are not enough to convey everything that needs to be known or told. I give this two thumbs up.


  • GossipGirlLuvR
    August 14, 2008

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    AWESOME!

    This is awesome. I love romance stories with sad endings. This is why I really love this story. Great job with the plot. I also really love the ending. I wish you the best of luck in my contest.


  • Vanilla King
    August 13, 2008

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    I don't have much to say about this; the grammar and spelling are good, the descriptions are mostly good, the idea is good... I think you get the point xD It was a bit predictable/cliché for me, but hey, these things do happen, and if a story should be written about it, this is what it should sound like!

    One piece of advice: You use "A gentle breeze" twice, in P17 and in P1. I don't know if you did that purposely, but if you did, it didn't work for me. Try to avoid using the same description twice, especially in such a short story.

    For the rest, very good work, keep it up!


  • Naive.
    August 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I've commented on this piece before, and that comment still stands. I feel the exact same way as I did before and still love this. =]

    *adds to finalist list*

    Thanks for entering and good luck. =D

    -jj


  • Distancerunner19
    August 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very impressive. I enjoyed it a lot. Good job and good luck!


  • Rhonin gold member
    July 30, 2008
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    well, this one was very visual. I could envision the entire scene as though it were unfolding before my eyes. your descriptions were great and the whole thing hit home very well. If you really wrote this quickly as you said, then this is very well the sign of a great talent.


  • Frozen Angel
    July 28, 2008
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    I love the description in this piece, as the reader, I could visualize everything. That's a good thing. I have to agree with WillyLee, though. I am not sure why it is specifically set in 1972 and since you didn't give the date importance, I feel that the characters could be set in any era and still feel the same.

    This was fantastic! Thank you for entering my contest.

    *Frozen Angel*

  • freel
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Just to mention that my story is Possession and can be found on SW, if you have time to read it.
    Thanks again for such a brilliant read. You have true talent.

  • freel
    July 21, 2008
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    wow

    a few months ago, I wrote a similar piece to this, that I too was pleased with. But this is so much better than mine. I love it, there was fantastic description and you played well with my emotions.
    Hopefully you'll write more stories like this in the future.


  • miles of smiles
    June 30, 2008

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    I can see why you've won so many trophies with this piece! Great detail and I enjoyed reading it. Best of luck in my contest!

  • sassykitty
    June 28, 2008

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    Nicely written, I like the feeling and characterisation. Excellent descriptive detail used to capture both character and their emotion, very evocative in places. Well done on all the trophies, your work certainly deserves them.


  • Melissa Loves Jeffy
    June 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I've already read this before so theres no need to leave a big comment. As much as I love this, I can't allow it in my contest since it was in a last one of mine. Sorry. I want stories I havn't read.


  • RedHearts
    June 17, 2008
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    This one is good. You have put a lot of feeling into it..Beautifully written. Thanks for enterting


  • Aaez
    June 12, 2008
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    Is love! Is love! It's really really goodish! I enjoyed reading it alot. It's just so sad though. I admire his courage though. And I admire the depth of his love. It's really beautiful and I thought there were very very few typos and errors. All in all. I really liked it. ^^


  • Reaver Greeters member
    June 11, 2008
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    3rd well done! Thanks again for entering.


  • Reaver Greeters member
    June 8, 2008
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    again, very well done...enjoy it every time i read it thanks for entering!!

  • Naive.
    June 7, 2008

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    O.O Oh, goodness. This was beautifully written. Seriously. After reading the first paragraph, I swear I was in shock. No offense to the writers on Storywrite, but I haven't read anything this good in a long while. I couldn't find one mistake; not ONE. Those first three paragraphs were simply stunning. The letter was absoltely brimming with love and emotion. I, too, enjoyed the ending of this because I like endings that aren't predictable or expected, and sometimes sad. Incredible job on this.

    Thanks for entering my contest, and good luck!

    -jj


  • Yoko
    June 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    That is a heartache. So saaaad. He died. I loved the note he wrote for his love. That was so painful. Creative writing. Good job. Hehe, mew!


  • Missi
    June 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I honestly did not read this.
    I can tell your a good writer but I could say that this is your best.
    Feel FREE to enter AGAIN
    But on other hands I will have to DQ you because I did not read it and got bored.
    Sorry but if you read my rules you will see that I said to keep me interested!

    No hard feelings

    Missi


  • moonwriter
    May 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was really good. It made me so sad that he died in the end! I loved this story. It's well-written, emotional, and amazing. It made me want to cry. Amazing job!


  • Reaver Greeters member
    May 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Already commented on this one. Again, well done.


  • WillyLee
    May 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This story is told in an elegant and expressive style. I like the way you set up for the story in the beginning, starting with a description of the night outside, and then following the moonlight through the window, into the room and onto the paper on which James is writing. You mention that the window has bars, a clue that the room might be a prison cell, but we don't yet know for sure, as the full nature of the situation is revealed gradually throughout the story, which is a very nice touch. I also like the way you end the story, by recalling the breeze and the window from the beginning of the story. And then, "Nowhere in the cell could anything showing the heartache he had felt be seen." That line is poignant and powerfully poetic.

    I am wondering why you chose to set it in 1972. Aside from the date on the letter, there is nothing else in the story that indicates any particular time, so it could have been any time within at least the last 100 years. I don't have any problem with 1972, but you could just as well have omitted the date from the letter and left it for the reader to decide.

    A simple and emotionally honest story, very well told, and with a lot of heart. Also grammatically and mechanically clean, as near as I can tell. Thank you for entering the contest!

  • Reaver Greeters member
    May 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Just what i wanted....

    This was very descriptive and....i didn't find a single error to note. Exactly what the contest warranted. VERY VERY well done...true talent. Keep writing and good luck with everything that is to come with your writing. ~D


  • Darkhearted
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    sad yet happy

    it may be sad but the love in it makes me happy... I love how the man expresses so much love when he doesn't even mean to... keep writing like this and you will go far..


  • Lady-Jane
    May 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ;( that is me crying. So sad. (~)


  • damnxrightxitsxanna
    April 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, it was beautiful. I think you could maybe make it a little bit longer, maybe you culd try writing it from the girl's perspective too. Maybe some more details on their opast, and why he was accused. It's a little bit too corny, but still beautiful
    good job

  • Writing0Freedom
    April 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is devastatingly beautiful. I love the rawness of the characters and how heartbreaking their story its. I like that the story is conveyed through the letter and the description is so vivid and so well done. This is well written and you wrote with powerfully with so much emotion. I really liked that the James tells Kitty that he is grateful that she could believe in him and that you managed to tell the reader also why he was in prison. This was beautiful and the pain was conveyed with chilling clarity. The story was poignant and realist and grasping from beginning to end.
    Thanks for entering!
    WritingFree


  • taylor-swift13
    April 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Best Of 2008... So Far

    I would of cried reading this but i am at school so i tried my best to choke back the tears. It is so emotional but yet it is so beautifully written. I admire this and will definitely give it a place.


  • checkmate-
    April 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awww... This is sooo sad. I can feel the emotion coursing through your characters. Good luck, thanks for entering my contest, and keep writing!


  • J.R. Coleman
    March 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I LOVED IT! Very original and well-written, emotional and touching. Good luck in my contest!


  • Miss Hanako Cullen
    March 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    First paragraph was beautifully written, wonderful detail and full of emotion.


    This was a very well written letter, with a bit of story thrown in. Very good for a fifteen year old. Emotion, Detail and good use of words.
    Wonderfully Done!

  • Thedamned77
    March 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was beautifully sad. I wanted so badly for him to be together with his love. You could really feel his pain. You almost made me cry. It was wonderful. Thank you for entering.

  • Melissa Loves Jeffy
    March 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautifuly writen. It has a poetic sence to it. I enjoied reading it alot. Its so sad and leaves me wanting more. You should consider making a story out of this. =). Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest.


  • carrot
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Incredibly sad, but very good. I read some of the past comments, and those that didn't understand or thought differently of your story just aren't ready or meant to get it. Thank you for entering my contest. =]


  • Crying Angel Eyes
    March 5, 2008
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    This was sweet very good good luck


  • Princess Peaches
    February 28, 2008
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    Very good! Good luck in my contest!


  • Kat222
    February 9, 2008

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    awsome!

    a very gripping story with a tragic ending, my favorite kind! i always enjoy a story where i can feel something good job!

  • Etched
    February 5, 2008

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    It was fantastic! I loved the descriptions and it made me feel emotion. I loved the emotion and all over I just loved the story. It's a moving letter and it tocuhed my heart. I loved it. Keep writing! Remember to comment on my story!


  • xBitterxSweetx
    February 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awww! Your writing style and the words that you used to describe the emotions have really touched my heart. It was such a moving letter


  • IntrepidFantasy Greeters member
    February 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice story. I loved the emotion in this and your description of everything. Such a touching letter that he wrote to his love

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Frozen Angel
    February 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the description A LOT...You did a fantastic job with that. I only have one suggestion. The first line says "A gentle breeze shook the needle-covered branches lightly." The 'gentle breeze' in that sentence already implies that the tree branches would only move slightly, so I think you should just end the sentence at "A gentle breeze shook the needle-covered branches." Just a suggestion, keep on writing!

    *Frozen Angel*


  • Shah Z
    February 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the description, I really do, quite good. I really like this. I don't usually like stuff like these.


  • J.P.Troy silver member
    February 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering our contest. Good luck.

    J.P. Troy
    (Writing Review)


  • EphemeralStyle
    January 25, 2008

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    Woah, he killed himself O.o The fool, he shouldn't have given up so easily! The fact that you made me feel something here is really good <3

    A vivid, lovely write. (even though he dies I'm a sucker for happy endings, even though my own stories don't always end well)

    Noice!

    Eph


  • stardust3492
    January 19, 2008
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    Good job. The description is very good. Thanks for entering and good luck


  • On Frail Wings.
    December 22, 2007

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    wow, this is really moving. the beginning, with the imagery immediately pulled me into the story. i loved what i read, and its a very moving and sad story, so sad this actually happens. :/ but good write!


  • deathbyfrootloopsxx
    December 22, 2007

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    I think you should take the past few comments with a grain of salt. I thought the fact that Kitty was a pet name [no pun intended] was quite clear, and I also didn't find the context of the letter confusing. And the fact that someone told you this was the 'worst ever' and 'terrible' helps you in no way. The fact that this person would even dare to make a comment so unhelpful shows what kind of credibility the person has for writing critiques.

    Overall, your writing style is very good. It was a bit confusing in ways, but only because of the plot -- why were they seperated? why did he have to die? These things, however, were part of your plot and your idea, and if you didn't feel they needed to be explained, that's enough for most readers.

    Line seven, when you stated, "If my heart were ripped out of my chest, it would not be enough to describe the pain I feel as I write to you this night". That was the only part of the story that I truly disliked. It's such a cliche statement that it sort of made me shudder.

    Also, you may want to watch where you put commas in your sentences. I don't know that I could give you a true example, because you do a lot of different things with this. It would just help to have someone edit those marks out.

    Besides those two things, I loved your writing style and the depth of your plot. You have a good idea and a genuine talent for writing. There are just some things you still need to do to hone down on those basic skills. My solution to that would be to keep writing; the more practice you get, the easier these things will become in time.

    GREAT job, not TERRIBLE in the least, and good luck in the future. Message me if you have any comments =]

    ~ Val

    p.s. The fact that you're fifteen years old makes me like this story a little more; I'm sixteen years old and it's hard to find people that young with a genuine talent for writing.

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 3.

  • georgesnyder
    December 19, 2007
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    worst ever

    terrible.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • slashinguk
    December 18, 2007
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    Confused

    The language is very good, but I'm confused by what's being written, is it the big letter in the middle or the short note mentioned at the end. And, are Kitty and Katherine the same person?

    Please help me understand because I'm sure I'm missing something here and it's so well written, I'm sure it's just me being stupid.


  • Nostalgia
    December 17, 2007

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    Lol. Kitty is a woman right? Anyway, wonderful story, writ with gripping emotion and a delicatly sketched frame. Wonderfully done.


  • Thwack
    November 21, 2007
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    This is one of those rare gems of a story that no one but an animal lover would be able to get on an internal level. For those of us with pets, this definitely rings true.

    It's truly great to see people relate their heartfelt feelings for their little cats. Although I have a couple dogs, I totally get what you were going for here.

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