He walks his life among us,breathing in our hate and demise of him,exhaling only his utmost well-wishes for us,which we quickly steal,and shatter.He feels only pain and still protects our sound minds with his life.But now,he strikes back.
A contest entry
- First Lines! by Bitter Irony.
200 points, ended November 30, 2007, 56 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - First Lines by werner1221.
145 points, ended December 24, 2007, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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awesome.
the first two lines were amazing.
but the last line takes away from that. i totally disagree with what B.I. said. i think the words you used only pulled in the reader.
anyway, the third line still was too cliche.
But now, he strikes back.
i'm not sure. but that just hits me weird.
you could still place in my contest. im still thinking...
also, thx for entering.
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Dramatic can be good, but make sure you don't turn MELOdramatic. Over-the-top description can make it very difficult to hook a reader. It might help to start with a bit of observable action (how does this character begin to "strike back"?) than with a summary of the plot.
Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!
~Bitter Irony -
Haha
NICE!
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SWEETTTTTT LOVED IT..SIMPLY THE BEST ++_++
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ooooh, dramatic
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